Picking at the Scab
by daffodilsinguns
Summary: Old wounds are reopened as everyone tries to put their lives back together in the aftermath of the trial. Sequel to "Gut Feeling."
1. Split

**1\. Split.**

Jade licked the red from the blade and put the knife down, appreciating the taste against her tongue.

"How do they make English muffins splittable?" Cat asked as Jade replaced the lid on the strawberry-rhubarb jam.

"I dunno, Cat," Jade said relatively patiently, wiping the stickiness from her fingers and delving into her own breakfast. "But obviously it was a big contribution to American culture."

"OMG my brother's American!" Cat squealed. "So are my parents!"

"Yeah, so are _you_, Cat." Jade rolled her eyes, shoving the rest of her English muffin half in her mouth. "We both are. Everyone we know is."

"Not Festus."

"Nope."

"Not Beck."

"Nope. Poor him, he's fucking _Canadian_."

Cat gasped, covering her ears while Jade chuckled darkly.

Jade's first week as a so-called (or _Cat_called) "honorary Valentine," didn't really justify her dread. In fact, much of it had been almost enjoyable. But that didn't do anything to purge Jade of her anxiety. Today was Friday, Jade's ninth night at Cat's and the last school day she'd be spending by herself. She was heading back to Hollywood Arts on the following Monday.

Mrs Valentine came in the kitchen, digging car keys out of her purse.

"Okay, Caterina it's time to go to school!"

"Yay!" Cat jumped up off her stool and grabbed her bag. "Bye Jadey! Have a good day!"

"You too, Cat."

Cat skipped off with her mother in tow. Jade breathed a sigh of relief in the silence as the Valentines' car pulled out of the driveway. Mr Valentine had taken Cat's brother to visit some relatives for the week, and Jade couldn't help but be grateful — she knew the sudden trip hadn't been a coincidence. She spent the day in solitude, finishing up a couple of assignments Cat had retrieved for her from school, completely scrapping two scenes in a script she started, and remembering the sight of her mother being led down a linoleum-tiled hall in handcuffs. She recalled pushing open the door to the police station women's room and weeping against the wall. She remembered a face in the bathroom mirror that was swollen and stained. She had scoured her face and applied new makeup until all traces of tears were hidden away. When she was contented enough with the state of her face she had left the police station and she hadn't seen her mother since.

That was last Wednesday. No part of Jade was ready to return to school just over a week after hearing Linda confess to attacking her ex-husband, but she figured that between the trial and these so-called "mental health days" she'd missed enough classes.

When Cat came home after school (and rehearsal for a play), Jade was in the room they'd been sharing, typing furiously on her laptop with her back on Cat's pink pillows. Her head snapped up when she heard twice as much giggling as there should have been coming up the stairs.

"Oh, hi Jade," Tori said awkwardly when she followed Cat into the bedroom.

"What the hell is she doing here, Cat?"

"It's sleepover night!" Cat exclaimed.

"Well, can you make her leave?"

"But… it's sleepover night…."

Jade tilted her head back with a frustrated groan.

"Please can she stay, Jadey?" Cat begged with a puppy pout.

"I-it's okay, Cat," Tori acquiesced, though she sounded disappointed. "We can have sleepover night another night."

"Good," Jade said sharply. Tori turned out the door slowly. When she realized Jade wasn't going to feel guilty and stop her, she turned back quickly.

"Oh God, please let me stay, Jade! Trina's on her period and her mood swings are terrifying and I think I'm actually more scared of her than I am of you right now," she blurted out.

"Ugh, whatever," Jade agreed grouchily, looking back to her writing. In all honesty, she sympathized with Tori's plight. Cat jumped around the room in excitement while Tori grinned and giggled (sickeningly).

"So Jade, you're coming back to school on Monday, right?" Tori asked, laying her purple sleeping bag out on the floor as Cat went to fetch her own pink one.

"Yep."

"That's great! It's been weird without you, we're all excited to have you back."

"I bet you are." The sarcasm was impossible to miss. Tori swallowed but didn't say anything further.

"My mom's ordering pizza!" Cat exclaimed suddenly when she bounced back through the door.

"Yay!" Tori said.

"'Kay," Jade said at the same time.

"Oooh, Tori, do you wanna make a video for the Slap?" Cat asked brightly when the pizza ordering was done. Tori nodded excitedly.

"Leave me out of it," Jade ordered before Cat could ask. Cat nodded with a pout while Tori pulled her PearBook out of its case.

"Heyyyy Slappers!" Tori greeted the viewers cheerfully. Jade snorted (_No one calls them that_) while Cat made her own salutations ("Hi it's me Cat!").

"We're here at Cat's house! Some pizza has just been ordered, and it's time to get this party started!"

"And Jade's here too but she said she didn't want to be in the video so I think maybe I wasn't supposed to say that."

Jade rolled her eyes.

"A-anyway," Tori judged Cat slightly with a sidelong glance. "It's sleepover night, so, Cat, whaddya wanna do?"

Cat thought very seriously for a moment, her face scrunching up. Then she brightened back up again suddenly.

"Ooh! Can we do one of your request thingies? Remember when we made you into a hamburger? That was so funny!"

Jade rolled her eyes, thinking that she'd like to request that Tori stab herself in the ear with a metal pike.

"Yeah! Let's see what we've got…." Tori started scrolling through the requests people had left on her profile. "Okie dokie…too expensive…too creepy…oh God, _what_?…no…no…_no_…ooh okay here's one."

Tori pointed to one particular request and Cat leaned forward to read it, subsequently breaking out into a fit of giggles. Tori stopped the video recording and giggled alongside her friend while Jade watched with distaste.

"Jade," Cat laughed. "Look at this request!"

Jade crawled to the end of the bed to the PearBook Cat was holding up. She snatched it out of the giggly girl's hands, and read the comment made by some freshman boy. _Hey Tori, I think you're really pretty and also can you please do as many accents as you can while still having a normal conversation with someone?_

"That's not even remotely funny," Jade said. It was actually one of the more sensible requests listed on the screen.

"Yes it is!" Cat gasped through her giggles.

"B-because," Tori was rolling on the floor, "Sikowitz was talking about accents a couple days ago and it was _so funny_!"

"Ah," Jade deadpanned. Then she sat back and continued typing on her laptop, then deleted what she had just written with gritted teeth.

"Okay okay okay," Tori wiped tears from her eyes, sitting up. "So do you wanna make a list of accents or just go for it?"

"Let's just make a list and go for it!" Cat declared as if she'd made a decision.

"Alright then." Tori was just about to restart the recording when the doorbell rang downstairs.

"Oh my God _pizza_!" Cat screamed, bolting out of the room. Tori moved to follow, then turned back.

"You coming, Jade?"

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Oh, okay," Tori went downstairs, leaving the bedroom door ajar.

Jade relocated herself to the living room couch while Cat and Tori were distracted with the pizza (and the pizza delivery boy). She heaved her laptop back onto her lap and stared at the blinking cursor on her word processor while giggles echoed from the kitchen. Eventually her hunger and lack of inspiration got the better of her and she trudged to the kitchen and grabbed a slice.

"_What_ are you _laughing_ about?" Jade asked crabbily, though part of her actually wanted to know.

"Oh it's nothing," Tori answered with a casual wave of her hand. "Just something that happened at Nozu the other night."

Jade waited expectantly.

"Y-you really had to be there…." Tori explained awkwardly.

"Jadey, why aren't you and Beck back together yet?" Cat asked suddenly.

"_What_? What the hell made you think of _that_?"

Cat innocently held up a carton of strawberry lemonade that she was pouring into two glasses.

"I don't see the connection," Tori admitted.

"Strawberry lemonade!" Cat explained as if it were obvious. "Straw-_Beck_-y Lemon-_Jade_!"

"That is so stupid, Cat," Jade commented, taking the glass that was meant for Tori.

"Still, though," Tori said, taking Cat's glass of the pink drink. "Why not? You guys are totally meant for each other."

"Yeah, you're soulmates!" Cat said, wondering where her strawberry lemonade (and Straw-Beck-y/Lemon-Jade) went.

"I don't believe in soulmates," Jade declared bluntly. Tori and Cat both looked at her with dropped jaws. "And Tori, if you compare Beck and me to Romeo and Juliet, I swear to God—"

"You're not like Romeo and Juliet at all," Cat said. "They didn't fight at all and also they both died. Oops! Spoiler alert."

"But really, why don't you get back together?" Tori asked while Cat giggled about ruining the ending of the play.

"You know what? Fine. I'll humor you," Jade slammed her empty glass back onto the kitchen island. "Let's say Beck and I got back together."

"_Beck and you got back together_?!" Cat shrieked.

"_No_, Cat. I'm saying _if_ we did. If I went back to him and asked him to start dating again. Tell me what would happen."

"He would say yes—"

"And everything would be happy and rainbows! Yay!"

"No. It wouldn't. Let's say he did say yes. He would continue flirting with every girl with a pulse within a ten mile radius, then chew me out for getting jealous and defend every person and every thing that upsets me. And then we would be right back where we are now."

"No it would be rainbows," Cat insisted, while Tori looked a bit subdued.

"We weren't working," Jade declared. "And he isn't interested in trying again. That's been made _very_ clear."

Tori pretended she didn't notice the pointed look from Jade, so, as Tori drank her strawberry lemonade and Cat obliviously swayed to a song in her head, there was silence.

_That's it, it's split. It can't recover._

* * *

**I'm back! Here's chapter 1 of "Picking at the Scab." I'm quite excited about this story, so I hope you guys enjoy it. I also have been creating playlists/soundtracks for both of my stories. My playlist for "Gut Feeling" is done, and I'll post it on 8tracks as soon as I've posted this! My 8tracks username is daffodilsinguns so check it out. If you have any questions about why I chose the songs I chose (I didn't put explanations with the playlist) feel free to PM me, and I might be able to explain them. Anyway, thank you so much for all of your support throughout my fanfiction career!**


	2. Leave This Star-Crossed World Behind

**2\. Leave This Star-Crossed World Behind.**

Tori's accent request basically turned into another episode of "The Funny Nugget Show" that night, complete with pink and blue pajamas and false mustaches. Jade found herself continually rolling her eyes off camera as she watched the giggling ensue. At three thirty in the morning Tori and Cat finally passed out in their respective sleeping bags and Jade sighed with relief on Cat's bed (the redhead had whined until Jade had stationed herself back upstairs). She set her laptop charging on Cat's desk and pulled the pink blankets up to her chest, dozing off and trying not to think of the conversation in the kitchen hours earlier. Strawberry lemonade was suddenly not such a sweet taste.

Next morning, Tori was already sitting up, thumbs tapping at her PearPhone rapidly, when Jade's eyes fluttered open.

"'Morning," Tori whispered.

"Hi," Jade nodded, rubbing her face.

"How'd you sleep?"

"As well as I can in this god-awful room."

"Listen," Tori began after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry about, you know…last night. I shouldn't've pried, and I shouldn't've forced you to talk about it."

"It doesn't really matter anymore," Jade shrugged.

"It does matter," Tori insisted. "You're both heartbroken."

"Are we?" Jade asked pointedly, stony-faced. Then she sighed. "I'm getting coffee."

Jade hauled herself out of bed and was out of the room and down the stairs before Tori could make another comment. But Tori, as intrepid as ever (maybe stupidly so), followed close behind after shoving her furry mukluks on her feet. Jade was measuring grounds for the coffee maker when Tori got to the kitchen.

"He does miss you, you know."

"Yeah, well, he'll get over that when I start school again." She started the machine on the Valentines' counter.

"No, he won't. He's been missing you since you left my house that night."

Jade smirked, shaking her head and splitting an English muffin.

"Really! He realized his mistake the second he made it."

"Oh yeah? Then why isn't _he_ telling me this?"

Tori didn't say anything.

"Yeah, you really don't want to have this conversation with me before I've had coffee. Or after. Didn't you just apologize to me for trying to talk about this?"

"But Jade," Tori protested. "We're friends, and—"

"You keep using that word," Jade interrupted in a Spanish accent. "I do not think it means what you think it means."

Tori blinked as Jade sipped her coffee greedily, then apparently decided to take Jade's advice and end the topic altogether as Jade's breakfast popped out of the toaster. Jade sighed, spreading jam with a butter knife, knowing her ex-boyfriend would have at least pretended to sword fight with her.

"How do you think they make English muffins splittable?" Tori asked.

* * *

Most of Saturday was spent like the evening before, with Cat and Tori giggling over a laptop while Jade tried to ignore them. But of course the giggling was doubled by the giggling of the onscreen Cat and Tori and the real life Cat and Tori as they edited the footage from last night. The more the giggling multiplied, the more Jade's patience divided, until there really wasn't enough to go around. Tori headed home an hour earlier than planned. Cat didn't seem to mind. She kept the Slap video repeating on her own laptop, giving a high-pitched laugh at the same spots every time until Jade abruptly slammed the clamshell down, narrowly missing Cat's fingers.

"Owwie!" Cat protested, offended. "Well, almost owwie."

"For the love of God," Jade began.

"Yes?"

"_Stop_."

"Kay kay!"

There was a comfortable quiet for a few minutes until Cat's phone made a noise that could only be described as _sparkly_, indicating a text message.

"Ooh, Jadey, do you wanna go get dinner at Karaoke Dokie with the gang? OMG that's so funny it's like we're a gang! Like the Scooby Gang!"

"There's only five members in the Scooby Gang."

"Okay. Do you wanna go to Karaoke Dokie?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pwetty pwease?"

"Absolutely not."

"But I already told Tori you'd drive us."

"Fine," Jade agreed with a frustrated groan. "I'll drop you guys off at Karaoke Dokie."

"Aren't you going to come?"

"Didn't I already say 'no?'"

"I don't remember."

"No."

"So you'll come?"

"_No_. But I want to get something out of my house, so I'll drop you off on my way there."

"Ohhh, kay kay." Cat relayed all of this to Tori with a series of ticking noises from her PearPhone. Two hours of giggly video-watching later (Jade put earphones in) Cat dragged Jade off of her comfortable spot on the couch and up to the bedroom to dress. "I think I wanna wear something sparkly."

"Shocker," Jade remarked, relaxing on Cat's bed.

"Aren't you getting dressed?"

"I am dressed. See how _not_ naked I am? That means I'm dressed."

Cat giggled, blushing. Jade rolled her eyes. For the sake of doing something for the several hours it would take for Cat to be ready, Jade changed her clothes and put on makeup, and replaced her earphones. This went mostly unnoticed by Cat, so she talked. And talked. And _talked _— about her outfit, about sandwiches, about "this one time my brother," about strawberry lemonade, about Robbie, about Robbie's hair, about her own hair, about red velvet cupcakes. It was probably for the best that Jade didn't really hear a word she said. Eventually, though, Cat did her customary twirl in front of the mirror, signaling that she was finished putting herself together for the evening. Jade gave her a thumbs-up and slung her monkey fur purse on her shoulder, swinging her key ring around her index finger.

"Ready?" Jade asked.

"Yep!"

"In record time, too."

"Oh, yay!" Cat bounced down the stairs after Jade and into the passenger seat of the car. Jade put her hand over the stereo controls instinctively to prevent the redhead from choosing the music. Cat just shrugged and swayed to the radio station of Jade's choosing.

Tori trotted out to the car and returned Cat's excited wave when Jade pulled up and honked the horn.

"Hi!" Cat greeted cheerfully. Tori smiled, her earrings shimmering like disco lights in the setting sun and making Jade's mood worse.

"You're early," Tori remarked as she seated herself in the back.

"Well, Cat got dressed in record time," Jade said with a smirk as she pulled onto the road. "Also, neither of you can drive, so you'll get there whenever I decide to drop you there, no complaints."

"Oh, you're not coming?"

"No, Jadey said she isn't and the Scooby Gang only has five people. Actually, four and a dog!" Cat giggled.

"Oh," Tori said, clearly only pretending to understand.

The drive to Karaoke Dokie wasn't long, but it felt like hours for Jade, who was suddenly teleported back into Giggle Land.

"Alright, you're here, get out, get yourselves a ride home," was Jade's goodbye to Princess Giggles and Lady Sparkles when she pulled into the parking lot of the underage club.

"Bye Jadey!"

"Thanks for the ride!"

Jade watched them meet up with Fred, Shaggy, and Scooby (though really, could Cat count as Velma?) outside the club, imagining their conversations from the car.

_Hey, is that Jade?_

_Yep, she gave us a ride._

_Is she coming in with us?_

_No._

_Oh, thank God! What a bitch. I can't believe she's not in jail._

Somehow Jade still managed to get out of the parking lot without doing anything that could possibly lead to restitution payments. She cranked up the volume to drown out any other conversations in her head.** (**_And that was the turning point. Oh, what a lonely night!_)

"Shut up!" Jade yelled at the song on her stereo. But it was one of those inanimate things that couldn't be scared into submission.

_And you know I'm fine,_

_But I hear those voices at night. _

_Sometimes, they justify my claim._

* * *

**Back again. Just in case any of you people didn't understand, Jade quoted _the Princess Bride_ to Tori. You owe it to yourself to watch that movie (and read the book). Thanks so much for the reviews of the first chapter! I'm really happy with where this story is going, and there's going to be plenty of Bade, so don't worry your little hearts. Any questions you have I'll be happy to answer! Thanks.**


	3. Clip the Lines

**3\. Clip the Lines.**

It didn't feel as comforting as she thought it would to drive back home. For all the stories she spewed about her terrible childhood, Jade had rarely come home to an empty house, even after the divorce. Seeing the house in the distance sitting vacant and dark in the shadows brought an unwelcome sense of foreboding to the back of her mind. As she pulled into the driveway beside her mother's abandoned car, the foreboding moved from her mind and pulled her stomach into her shoes. There was a light on inside. Jade clutched a pair of scissors in her hand and shut her car door as quietly as she could, running stealthily up to the front door. She tried the knob, crouching beneath the window. It was open. She crept across the threshold and moved toward the light in the kitchen. Someone was…cooking? Jade could hear something sizzling over a burner and an unsettling voice humming inharmoniously.

"_Sinjin_?" Jade shouted.

"Oh, h-hi…." Sinjin van Cleef was dropping a handful of sliced mushrooms into a skillet on the stove.

"_What_ the _hell_ are you _doing here_?"

"Um…." Sinjin stirred the mushrooms with a wooden spoon, searching for an acceptable answer. Knowing there wasn't one, Jade threw her scissors into the wall by his head like a darts champion.

"Have you been _sleeping_ here?!"

"No."

"_Don't_ lie to me."

"No, really, I've just been cooking!"

"Oh my God, _get out_!" Jade roared. "_Get out get out get OUT_!"

Sinjin scrambled to gather his things (recipe cards and containers of spices, mostly) and bolted out the door. Jade, fuming, turned off the burner and threw the skillet in the sink. Yanking her scissors out of the wall, Jade marched around the entire house, looking for evidence of the moss-haired creep. Thankfully, she had unmade her bed and packed up most of her clothes before moving in with the Valentines, so there wasn't much for Sinjin to get into in her bedroom. Nonetheless, Jade couldn't help but squirm at the thought of him as she packed up the extra clothes she came for, and locked every door and window before heading back to her car. Once in her car, she slammed the door and seethed. Who _does_ that? Just breaking into someone's house like that. To use their _kitchen_? Jade's kitchen wasn't even that nice. Eventually her anger lapsed into annoyed bemusement, and she started the drive back to Cat's house. Surprisingly, Cat was there, drinking hot chocolate in the kitchen with Mrs Valentine.

"Hi Jadey!"

"Hey. You're home early," Jade said, setting the box of clothes on the stool next to Cat.

"Yeah, Andre lost a karaoke competition and he got really mad and he and Tori kind of started a fight with the other people and then we left."

Jade chuckled.

"Did you find everything you needed at your house?" Mrs Valentine asked, setting a mug of cocoa in front of Jade.

"Yes, thank you." _More than I needed, really_.

"Good. Well, I'm going to call Mr Valentine and see how things are going. 'Night, girls."

"'Night, mom!"

"'Night Mrs Valentine."

"Are you excited about going back to school?" Cat asked, a mug in each hand as she followed Jade upstairs.

Jade shrugged, unpacking the box of clothes into the bursting closet that was rapidly becoming more black than pink.

"Well, _I'm_ excited."

"Great. You can just be excited for both of us."

Cat nodded solemnly. It was a big responsibility being excited for two people.

Jade did her best to ignore Cat for most of Sunday, often resorting to her bag of distractions — which meant throwing coloring books, lollipops, and other goodies as far away from her as possible to draw the redhead away. This left Jade mostly free to recheck every assignment she had missed during her absence and redo her nails. She had hoped to plan her outfit for the next day without Cat's regular advice to wear more pink, but Cat was determined to help her friend with her "debut" attire. After trying on nearly every article of clothing Jade owned, the two girls finally settled on an outfit, Cat intent on including a pop of color. Jade went along with it to shut the girl up, but knew she'd be re-planning the next day. When said day, Monday, rolled around, Jade woke before her alarm for the first time in years. Coffee in hand (obviously first priority) she threw Cat's outfit contribution across the room, sticking to her classic black. She was already starting very carefully on her makeup when Cat's alarm went off — a poppy radio station that made Jade slightly nauseous.

"Oh Jadey you look so great!" Cat said, somehow automatically chipper even on a Monday morning.

Jade smiled slightly, but didn't abandon her endeavor of perfect eyeliner. It took her another twenty minutes to be content with her face, another five for her teeth after breakfast. Finally, though, raven-haired and redheaded were on the road to Hollywood Arts, Jade's self-titled "badass bitch" playlist shaking the speakers. The pounding bass drew the eyes of everyone in the vicinity as Jade parked.

"You go, Cat," Jade directed. Cat obeyed cheerfully, skipping into the building. Jade stayed in the car for a moment, reapplying her lipstick in the visor mirror and covering her eyes with the darkest sunglasses she owned. Steeling her nerves, she grabbed her schoolbag and emerged into the sun, lips set in her signature smirk. She approached the familiar crowd at the familiar table in the Asphalt Cafe, focusing on the sound of her boots against the pavement.

"Look who it is," Andre greeted congenially. "Jade West, back in action."

"Yeah, we thought the Wicked Witch melted!" Rex cackled.

Jade had swerved away from the table and started stalking away before Robbie could even scold the puppet.

"Very smooth," She heard Beck say stonily to the ventriloquist. The (very secret) forever optimistic part of Jade made her pause for a moment to hear if Beck would say more. He didn't, allowing the previous conversation to pick up again. The bitter pessimism that everyone had learned to expect from her reviled her inward optimist. _What were you expecting? Why would anyone defend you? Robbie's pun was way more important than how you felt about it. And it's not like _he_ ever cared how people made you feel._

Cat, the embodiment of optimism, was suddenly in front of her.

"Jadey, wait, everyone's over there!"

"I'm going elsewhere."

"What? Why?" Cat's eyes widened in absolute devastation. "You're back in school so you _have_ to hang out with us otherwise it's like you're not even here!"

"Yeah what a shame," Jade said blankly.

_Digress from the people once by your side _

_once by your side but now that it's over _

_have to pick up and just start again, start again._

* * *

**So really not much happened here. Things kind of pick up in chapter 5... I guess. I'm a little stuck on this story, I'm not gonna lie. Any requests you have (besides "more Bade" because it's coming), could be helpful. I'm kind of feeling like shit today because I sprained my ankle and I have no clue how. But no dance for three weeks means maybe more writing? Hopefully. Anyway, please review! It'll make me feel better and improve this horrifyingly boring story :)**


	4. Please Show Me Another Way

**4\. Please Show Me Another Way.**

Jade kept her head up and her eyes away from the stares of the students who had clearly grown used to her absence, opening her locker as forcefully as possible.

"Oh! Jade!" a voice suddenly said. Jade turned slowly, looking into the face of the one person she constantly hoped she'd never see again.

"What?" Jade snapped.

"Well, you're a vampire, right?" Trina Vega said. She leaned in and whispered. "Do I smell like blood?"

There was a moment of silence between them — Trina waiting expectantly, Jade incredulously disgusted.

"Yes," Jade drawled finally. "You smell like bilious, rancid, clotted blood."

Trina's eyes widened and she scurried away. Jade, smirking smugly (she'd been looking for a way to use 'bilious' in everyday conversation), went a few minutes early to her first class, slamming a stack of missing assignments down on the teacher's desk.

"Ms West," the teacher said, surprised. "You're back."

"Yeah, I'm back and I'm not in prison and I did all of these horribly uncreative assignments for you," Jade retorted.

"Thank you," the teacher said awkwardly, but Jade had already turned to take her regular seat. She fiddled with her phone, pretending she had someone to text, as the rest of her peers started filing into the classroom in groups of two or three.

"You know Rex is just a puppet," a voice suddenly said to her right. She glanced to see Andre sitting beside her. "No one really thinks of you that way — wicked witch and all that."

"You were pretty quick to believe I was a criminal," Jade said coolly. "What was it you said? 'She might've just… I dunno, _lost_ it.'"

"I… I didn't _mean_ that you—"

"Yes you did."

Andre looked down at his textbook awkwardly, clicking his pen. He couldn't think of anything to say after that.

Jade wasn't back with the entire Scooby Gang again until Improv class, the last period before lunch. If Jade was being honest with herself, which she hardly ever was, she was dreading this class the most. The man who called her a 'gank' on the record in court and would probably win the "most likely to bring up awkward moments from the past" award was not someone she was quite ready to confront. But now was not the time for hiding, so when the melodic bell rang and the students milling (or dancing) in the halls began to move toward class, Jade walked confidently to her usual seat and stared a hole in the wall as everyone else crowded in.

"Listen, Jade," a timid voice began awkwardly. Jade's head snapped toward Robbie, who was clutching Rex like a lifeline, standing above her. "I-I'm sorry about what Rex said this morning, he didn't mean t—"

"_Leave_," Jade growled. Robbie squeaked slightly and sank into his chair. Jade heard a familiar sigh of exasperation from behind her. She glared, eyes narrowed, at Beck over her shoulder. "And what's _your_ problem?"

He just shook his head with a weary eye-roll. Dissatisfied, Jade turned forward again with a _tut_.

"_My young thespians_!" a voice suddenly shouted and Sikowitz, carrying a crate of coconuts, walked backward into the room. He pivoted rather gracefully to face his students. "Ah, Jade. I thought I sensed an extra dollop of bitterness this morning!"

Jade smiled sardonically.

"Jade West," Sikowitz said dramatically. "_To the stage_!"

He swung his arm to point to the front of the classroom. Jade rolled her eyes, but was secretly pleased to have been chosen first. She stood on the stage and looked at her teacher, waiting.

"Sit," Sikowitz had stacked his coconuts into a little pyramid on one of the empty chairs and flipped the crate upside down onto the stage, "on this."

Jade smirked and settled herself on the wooden box.

"And now, Misterrrrrrr…." Sikowitz's eyes swept the room. "Ah! Mister Tori."

"Um," was all Tori could say before Sikowitz continued.

"Now Tori, you will walk out of that door, and," the coconut lover produced a straw hat, "you will draw a line out of this hat. Then you and Jade shall improvisationalize a scene based on that opening line. Capisce?"

"You mean _improvise_, right?" Andre interrupted.

"Hush, child," Sikowitz said in a Southern accent, fanning himself with the straw hat like a southern belle. Slips of paper fell out and floated to the floor. "I have a delicate constitution and must not be contradicted."

That successfully rendered everyone speechless. Sikowitz, his eyes gleaming, put the hat under Tori's nose and waved it enticingly. Tori carefully plucked a slip of paper from the hat and unfolded it. The teacher gestured toward the door, shutting it as soon as Tori was outside. Then he reopened the door and waved her back in.

"'Don't underestimate yourself,'" Tori said, reading from the paper.

"I'm not underestimating myself," Jade responded from her perch on the coconut crate, sweeping her hair over her shoulder. "I never do, which is why I know exactly what is going to happen."

"You _never_ know until you try!" Tori countered, sitting on the floor next to Jade onstage.

"On the contrary. There's no reason to try when you _know_ what the outcome will be."

"Excellent!" Sikowitz interrupted. "Now, Robbie, onstage!"

Robbie laid Rex aside and joined Jade and Tori. Sikowitz threw the straw hat to him like a frisbee. Robbie caught the hat by crushing it against his chest, sending more papers flying.

"Read another line and continue with the scene," Sikowtiz whisper-shouted, cupping his hand at the side of his mouth. Robbie nodded and picked a paper off the floor.

"'You know that's not what she meant,'" Robbie read.

"Yes it is!" Jade retorted.

"No it isn't!" Tori argued.

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that…that…." Tori stalled for a moment as she thought of her next line.

Sikowitz made a sound like a buzzer on a game show.

"Yerrrr _out_!" he shouted, pointing at Tori then jerking his thumb toward the back of the room.

"What? I didn't even know we _could_ be out!" Tori protested.

"Well you can. Beck, take Mister Tori's place," Sikowitz ordered while Tori slumped back in her seat. Beck sat next to Jade's crate-seat.

"Aaaaaaaand—" Sikowitz paused. "Action! From your line, Robbie."

"You know that's not _he_ meant," Robbie said.

"Then what did _he_ mean?" Jade turned to look down at Beck pointedly.

"I meant—"

A phone rang suddenly, echoing slightly in the room that fell silent.

"Fire!" Sikowitz exclaimed, gathering up his coconuts into his arms.

"It was a cellphone, Sikowitz," Tori comforted.

"_Who's_?" the teacher's voice was suddenly dangerous.

—"Jade's."

—"Mine."

Jade glared at Beck, who had spoken at the same time.

"You don't know it was _mine_," she snarled.

"You just said it was."

"You said it before I said it!"

"We said it at the same time!"

"No, you started saying it first!"

"I know your ringtone!"

"How?"

"Are you kidding me? We dated for three years!"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"God, you're insane."

"I'm insane? _I'm_ insane?! You are such a hypocri—"

"Jade," Sikowitz interrupted. "Who is calling you?"

Jade pulled her phone out of her pocket and shrugged, not recognizing the number.

"They'll leave a message. If they're brave enough."

"Okay then, _return to thine acting, young thespians_."

_Are we no more than parts in a play_

_Letting other people, strangers say our lines?_

* * *

**Okay this one's a little bit longer, with a little bit of Bade banter (one of my favorite things). Chapter 5 right now is really short, but I'm going to try and lengthen it today. After that the chapters are pretty steadily longer (Ch 8 is like 1600 words). Anyway, let me know what you think! A guest reviewer requested maybe a Bat conversation, and I wrote it in yesterday! It's not until like Chapter 14 though, so...sorry. Okay. Longer chapters soon! Love you all.**


	5. To Replace, To Erase

**5\. To Replace, To Erase.**

Jade escaped eating lunch with Cat and company by claiming a need to listen to her voicemail — the mysterious caller from Improv had in fact been brave enough to leave a message. Sneaking into the janitor's closet, unseen, she held the PearPhone to her ear.

"Hello, Jade. My name is Theresa Roy, and I work for the Los Angles County Department of Children and Family Services. I have spoken to Adam Hornstock, and I will be with you at your custody hearing on Thursday. I would love to have some time to chat with you beforehand so we can go into the hearing knowing our goals. My number is—"

All Jade could really hear was _Thursday_. Thursday? _Thursday_?! No one told her the hearing had been scheduled for Thursday. _This_ Thursday? No one had even told her her father had gotten out of the hospital. With trembling in her fingers and fire in her eyes, Jade dialed Adam's number, leaning against the door in the janitor's closet.

"Law Offices of Biederman and Hornstock," a familiar voice answered.

"Adam!" Jade shouted. "What the hell? Who decided it would be fun to _surprise me_ with the hearing scheduled for _this Thursday_?!"

"Oh, Jade, hi. No one told you?"

"Um, _no_! _No one told me_!"

"Well it's scheduled for this Thursday so you might have to cut out of school a little early to make it on time with afternoon traffic. A social worker from Children and Family Services should be calling you pretty soon."

"Yeah, she called. Not the point. My point is, _why didn't anyone tell me_?"

"It was an accident, I'm sure," Adam suddenly lowered his voice. "To be perfectly honest with you, the new assistant my partner hired isn't as competent as his resumé made him out to be."

"I don't _care._ When did he get out of the hospital?"

"Jim isn't in the hospital, I don't think. I mean, I _barely_ hit him."

"Not him, _my dad, you idiot_!"

"Oh, last Friday. He told his lawyer he would be well enough to attend the hearing late this week, so it's scheduled for Thursday."

"Do you know what he's going to say at the hearing?" Jade asked, slightly calmer now that she was actually getting useful information.

"Nope."

Less useful. Jade sighed angrily, hung up the phone, and yanked open the door. Five people stumbled into the closet.

"We weren't eavesdropping," Robbie said immediately.

"Oh, you were just relaxing with your ear to the door?"

"So your dad got out of the hospital?" Beck asked before Robbie had to answer Jade. She nodded.

"Yes. Now, _go away_. All of you. Vamoose. _Shoo_."

Most of the group dispersed toward lunch (Cat giggling with Tori about the word "vamoose" in relation to a certain hockey-and-burger-loving Canadian), but Beck hung back, still leaning casually on the doorframe.

"When's the custody hearing?" he asked.

"Thursday."

"Can I do anything?"

"You can go away."

Beck looked at her with a _really?_ face.

"I need to call the social worker," Jade explained quietly. Beck nodded, squeezed her shoulder with a supportive smile, and followed after the others. Jade returned to the closet, her arm burning where he'd touched her.

"Theresa Roy," was how the woman answered the phone. It was a voice Cat would like — warm, strong, friendly.

"This is Jade West. You called me like an hour ago."

"Jade, hello. How are you?"

"I don't want to live with my dad."

"Okay. Well, how about we meet and discuss this in person. Can you stop by my office some time this week?"

"Today after school."

"Come whenever you can. I'm on the third floor at 8300 Vermont Avenue."

"Fine."

* * *

The second half of Jade's first Monday back went about as smoothly as the first. So, with the exception of a calculus test for which she was grossly underprepared, not much happened. Jade texted Cat that she would pick her up after rehearsal and pulled out of the parking lot before most HA students had even reached their cars after last period. Fighting through the traffic tried Jade's patience, which was destroyed altogether when she had to park almost three blocks away from the Family Services building. But eventually she was knocking on the office door of Theresa Roy. The woman who answered the door looked how the voice on the phone sounded. She was wearing an orange sweater that Jade hated on principle, but it brought out the warm tones of Theresa's skin. She shook Jade's hand firmly and offered coffee (which Jade, of course, accepted).

"So Jade," Theresa began once they were both being caffeinated. She sat casually in her office chair, leaning back from the desk full of colorful trinkets. "You said on the phone that you don't want to live with your father. Can you tell me why?"

"He hates me," Jade brought the hot coffee to her lips, glancing around the small office. There were too many motivational sayings on framed posters hanging on the walls.

"How so?"

"Ugh," Jade groaned, looking back to the social worker. "Do we _have_ to do this?"

"I'm sorry, but we do."

"He doesn't respect me, or anything I stand for. He thinks my dreams are stupid, and doesn't hesitate to tell me so."

"Okay," Theresa said calmly. "So on Thursday, d—"

"I want to be emancipated. I'm almost eighteen, it shouldn't be that difficult."

"Do you think your father would allow that?" Theresa lay her half-full mug aside.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. In California, you cannot be emancipated without your parent's consent if there is a parent than _can_ consent."

"_What_?" Jade groaned, running her fingers across her forehead. "Well, like I said, he hates me. He'll probably be glad to get rid of me."

"Are you financially stable?"

"What?"

"Do you have an apartment or someplace to live?"

"N-no…."

"Do you have the money to pay for somewhere to live?"

"No."

"Do you have a job?"

"…no."

"Jade," Theresa sighed. "Being emancipated means becoming an adult. And that includes taking on all of the responsibilities that come with adulthood. Are you prepared to do that?"

Jade hesitated.

"I've spoken to your father's lawyer to discuss the case."

"And?"

"Your father and stepmother have agreed to take custody of you."

"What? No. No, no. I refuse."

Theresa didn't say anything, just watching Jade intently.

"_Can_ I refuse?" Jade asked hesitantly once she'd mostly gotten over her shock.

"Not exactly, no. You can, however, bring up your objections with the judge, and he or she will take what you say into account. But keep in mind, Jade, that this is following the custody agreement from your parents' divorce."

"This is a nightmare," Jade muttered, resting her forehead in her hands.

"I know this isn't what you wanted," Theresa said, trying to be comforting. "But there's no reason why you can't make the best of things. There are kids out there who have it a lot worse."

"Yeah, right, thanks," Jade downed the rest of her coffee in one gulp, grabbed the strap of her bag in her fist, and walked out the door.

_Simmering songs never get played._

_Tinsel dreams, sweet lemonade._

* * *

**Okay. Sorry this is so short. The next one's a little longer. I don't have much to say, so I'll leave you with this thought: imagine Jade West on Wheel of Fortune. Totally deadpan the entire time, won't let Pat Sajack within three feet of her, gets all of the puzzle right, and Beck is in the audience with heart eyes. See you Saturday :)**


	6. Already Too Far Down

**6\. Already Too Far Down.**

Jade returned to school and sat on the floor outside the door to the Black Box theater, waiting for rehearsal to end so she could take Cat home and pretend the whole day never happened. She thumped the back of her head against the wall rhythmically, trying to remove the images of living with her father again out of her head by brute force. She scrunched up her face and allowed herself to moan whiningly for just a moment. When she heard the voices and footsteps of the cast heading out of the theater, though, she scrambled to her feet and composed herself in a matter of seconds. Jade grabbed Cat's arm as soon as she saw the tiny girl with the red velvet cupcake hair.

"Bye guys!" Cat waved cheerily as Jade dragged her away. "Hi Jadey, where have you been?"

"Nowhere fun," Jade responded sourly as they left the building.

"Ohhh," Cat nodded. "I've never heard of that, where is it?"

Jade just rolled her eyes.

* * *

Tuesday passed in much of the same fashion as Monday, with the exception that Cat managed to drag Jade to the regular lunch table with the rest of the group.

"Hi guys!" Cat chirped, sitting next to Tori at the Asphalt Cafe. Jade balked, standing by the table. Her fingers were turning white as she clutched the plastic container that held her salad. "Jadey, come sit next to me!"

Cat patted the spot on the bench to her left and Jade reluctantly sat. She glanced up to where Robbie sat, his eyes averted, as she dropped her lunch onto the metal table. She frowned, clicking the plastic lid open and picking at the wilting lettuce. Andre arrived to save everyone from the silence.

"Hello ladies and gentleman!" he called as he approached. Beck was close behind him, texting someone and looking amused.

"Hey you forgot Jade," Rex said. "You didn't greet any coldblooded she-devils."

Beck looked up from his phone, frowning at Robbie. Rex just chortled and Robbie started eating his soup guiltily.

"Speaking of blood," Jade said, sitting up. "Vega, you need to rein in your repulsive sister."

"Oh God," Tori whined. "What did she do?"

"Just ask her what she asked me yesterday morning," Jade replied, rolling a tomato around with her fork.

"Ugh, I swear I'm gonna kill her if she keeps—" Tori stopped herself suddenly, clapping a hand over her mouth. Jade glanced around the table and saw Tori's wide-eyed expression mirrored on everyone else's faces (except Beck, who's most shocked expression was a raised eyebrow). Jade groaned inwardly, knowing Tori had ruined any chance this lunch had of being at all normal. For the rest of the period, everyone tiptoed around her, and immediately shut up if anything remotely related to crime or court or accusations was accidentally brought up, be it fictional or metaphorical or not. Robbie visibly paled when he said he would kill for the new PearPad. Andre stuttered his way out of "I thought I was going to die," instead describing how he was about to "diagnose" his math test. Jade decided to ignore this awkwardness, commenting as bluntly as she could on every little issue she could think of, verbally slamming Robbie and Tori, her easiest targets. But she could see that they weren't frightened or impressed by her — the Scooby Gang saw her as a person about to go over the edge. She wasn't dangerous to them anymore. She wondered when that started as she dumped her uneaten salad in the trash.

Wednesday stepped up the awkwardness when Sikowitz obliviously set up an improv scene about a woman wrongfully accused of murdering her husband. Jade wasn't chosen to go up on stage, but those that were kept glancing at her, hesitating continuously. She paid no attention to their nervous eyes, coolly checking her nails or her phone whenever she sensed someone looking her way. But when the bell rang, she was first out of the classroom.

Thursday wasn't much better. Jade felt herself falling into a holding pattern, treading water in this state of not-quite-back-to-normal (which led to questions of _what is normal_?). She avoided the others as much as possible, beginning to dread the way she didn't fit with them anymore. The Scooby Gang really did only have five members. She told herself it didn't matter, that they were Beck's friends to begin with, and her friendship with them ended as surely as her relationship with him. Just before the end of the last period of the day, Jade gathered up her books and left class, stopping at the vending machine by the janitor's closet for something to drink. When she turned around, sipping her Mocha Cola, she saw a familiar sight that shouldn't have given her the rush of warmth that it did. Beck was waiting by her locker.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" she asked coldly, twirling the lock until she could open the scissor-decorated door.

"I saw you leaving and I figured you were going to the custody hearing."

"You figured right," she shoved a few textbooks into her locker with a series of heavy thuds.

"Will you call me after? Tell me what happened?"

"If I have time."

"Thanks."

She pushed the locker door closed.

"So, I'll talk to you later?" he confirmed hesitantly.

"We'll see."

Jade shoved her mostly empty soda can into his hand and left, letting the doors to Hollywood Arts swing shut behind her.

* * *

"Hello?"

"You wanted me to call. I'm calling."

"How did it go?"

"It was…" Jade paused, sighing. "It was a nightmare."

"And?"

"And my dad expects me to be moved in by next week."

There was silence, and Beck let out a breath. Jade could picture him puffing out his cheeks.

"So you're going to be living with him."

"Yep."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Nope."

"Did you tell the judge that?"

"Nope."

"Okay… _why_?"

"Because it was a lost cause. Nobody cares. My dad is wealthy and white and has a 'stable home life.' And, as the social worker told me on Monday, 'there are kids out there who have it a lot worse.'"

"Okay…?"

"And my father told the judge he wanted to 'start to repair his relationship' with me."

"Really? Well… That's good, I guess…."

"Right," Jade scoffed.

"I still don't get why you didn't talk to the judge."

"Well, what are my other options?"

"…what do you mean?"

"I mean, where would I go if not with him?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. _Oh_."

"There's gotta be somewhere."

"There isn't."

There was a thoughtful pause.

"What about Cat's?"

"Yeah," Jade sighed. "I guess it's possible. I just don't see how her parents could afford to keep me, especially since I know they're looking at a special home for her brother. Anyway, I don't know how many more nights I could spend in a room that _pink_."

Beck chuckled.

"I've gotta start packing up the house," Jade commented, sounding burnt-out.

"Jade, I'm sorry," Beck said suddenly.

"…for what?" Jade asked suspiciously.

"Just…that this happened to you. You don't deserve to live somewhere you don't feel loved and respected."

Jade opened her mouth, then shut it again, not quite sure what to say. She settled for a quiet "thanks."

"Do you want help packing this weekend?"

"I probably could use it," Jade admitted. "But no, I'm fine."

"I can stop by tomorrow afternoon."

"No, don't bother. I'll be fine on my own."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I don't think I'm going to go to school tomorrow. I'll spend the day packing. Tell Sikowitz I was summoned into a league of dragon fighters for the weekend or something."

"Will do. Are you riding the dragons or slaying them?"

"Probably both."

"Got it." She could hear him smiling just before she hung up.

She was in the bedroom — _her_ bedroom, not the eighteen square feet of pink monstrosities Cat had designed. Jade had already stripped the mattress before moving in with the Valentines, so it wasn't particularly comfortable, but it _smelled_ right. It didn't smell like flowers and sugar and everything Cat. It smelled like home. But it wasn't. Her new home was with her father and his wife, and it would probably smell like lemons and bleach and the most expensive liquor money can buy. So Jade spent the night alone in her empty house, breathing deeply.

_There is no war if you're already dead._

* * *

**Enjoy!**


	7. A Last Breath

**7\. A Last Breath.**

Jade woke up relatively early, cramped onto the narrow couch in the den, wrapped in a red throw. She went out to the hardware store as soon as it opened and bought four rolls of packing tape and as many cardboard moving boxes as she could fit in her car. Then she started dismantling her home. Pillows, picture frames, books, blankets, shoes, silverware. She packed it all, labeling each box with indelible ink and taping it shut. When she heard a knock on the front door at 12:30, half the rooms in her house were shells of what they used to be.

"Why are you always inviting yourselves over?" Jade asked frustratedly as she opened the door to five people and one puppet she was not expecting.

"Hi Jadey!" Cat greeted happily. Jade rolled her eyes and stepped aside, sarcastically waving the unexpected five (or six) into her house.

"Why are you here?" Jade asked them.

"We're here to help!" Robbie said brightly. Four nodding heads agreed.

"It's the middle of the school day," Jade said, slightly astonished that the entire Scooby Gang would ditch.

"Yep," Beck agreed simply.

"So where do we start?" Andre asked.

Jade just stared at them warily.

"C'mon," Beck said pleadingly. "Let us help."

"Someone needs to start schlepping furniture down here for the movers," Jade said, rubbing her forehead with a defeated sigh. "And I need to finish packing up my room and marking things to be taken into storage or sold."

"Okay. So we'll start moving furniture down here, and you can finish packing your room."

Jade nodded, dragging Cat up the stairs by the wrist with Tori trotting along behind them.

"Cat, you take stuff off the walls. Tori, start emptying my closet into those," Jade ordered, pointing a pale finger at a stack of flattened boxes on her bare mattress. Cat clapped her hands excitedly and started unfolding the cardboard and Tori stationed herself by the closet doors. "Three boxes. Keep, donate, and destroy."

"Destroy?" Tori asked suspiciously, her eyes scanning the bedroom.

"Yes. Destroy."

Jade grabbed another box for herself and went across the room where a few sheets of bubble wrap were waiting on her desk. Carefully, she began wrapping each precious pair of scissors from the collection hanging on the wall and gently placing them in the box. Tori opened the closet doors and started taking the remaining clothes off of hangers and sorting them according to Jade's instructions.

"Ooh, I like this shirt!" Tori exclaimed, pulling a blouse off its hanger.

"Donate," Jade declared without looking.

"What about this one?"

Jade looked over her shoulder.

"Keep."

"And this one?"

"Keep."

"This?"

"Keep."

"This?"

"Destroy."

And so it went on. An hour later, there was a stack of full boxes near the door.

"What's this?" Tori asked suddenly, and Jade turned to see her dragging a cardboard box out of the depths of the closet.

"Ugh," Jade groaned. "Open it if you want. In fact, take whatever you like."

Tori pulled open the cardboard flaps to reveal a number of little blue boxes.

"Oh my _God_!" Tori gasped. "Are these…?"

"Tiffany shit? Yeah."

Cat slid across the room like a soccer player to join Tori kneeling beside the box.

"Can…can we see them?" Tori asked breathlessly. Jade shrugged. Tori delicately took a small box in her fingers. She ran her fingers across the _Tiffany and Co._ lettering before lifting the lid and moving aside the tissue paper to reveal a pair of diamond earrings. Cat's eyes grew, if possible, wider.

"They look like stars," Cat exclaimed. She herself looked like she had stars in her eyes. "Jadey you have a box of stars!"

"Are these boxes all full?" Tori asked as Jade rolled her eyes at Cat's comment. Jade nodded. Tori and Cat looked at their friend, scandalized. "Why don't you _wear these_?"

"I don't like them."

"Then why do you have them?"

"They're all…gifts."

"From who?!" Tori asked, gently putting the blue box back with its counterparts. "Who could possibly afford all this?"

"My dad," Jade explained. "Are you finished packing my closet?"

"Um…no," Tori closed the flaps of the cardboard box reluctantly with a sigh and sent it toward Cat, who drew an asterisk on it with a Sharpie and stacked it by the door. Tori picked up a plaid flannel button-down that had slipped off of its hanger and fallen to the floor. "Which box does this one go in?"

Jade sighed, looking at the shirt hanging from Tori's fingers and biting her lip. She swallowed.

"I don't care," she said finally, turning away. "You can give it back to Beck if you want."

"Oh," Tori said, understanding. Jade didn't look to see where the shirt went. Instead, she sealed the box holding her cherished collection. She marked it as _scissors_ and started helping Cat take posters and pictures and butterflies off the walls. They gently bundled each frame and stacked them in a box. Jade was halfway through cutting a length of bubble wrap from the roll (she didn't pack her favorite pair of scissors) when Beck poked his head in, knocking on the open door.

"We downstairs are feeling lunch-y," he declared. "Any requests?"

"Sandwiches?"

"Ice cream!"

"Egyptian."

"Egyptian?" Beck asked Jade, blinking. She crossed her arms defiantly.

"I want falafel."

"I thought falafel was, like, Israeli," Tori said.

"It originated in Egypt," Jade declared. "Or, that's what Wikipedia said."

"Okay," Beck said, "but I don't know any falafel places around here."

"Me neither," Jade shrugged. "Get Chinese."

"But you just said—"

"I know what I said. _I_ said it."

"Okay then. What do you guys want, Chinese-wise?"

The girls gave their orders (Jade as sarcastically as possible), and Beck repeated them back ("Okay. Wonton soup, vegetarian lo mein, cashew chicken. Yes?").

"Anyone wanna come with me?" he asked just before turning out of the door.

"Jade does," Tori replied immediately. Beck and Jade each raised a pair of eyebrows while Cat bounced on the bare mattress.

"Yay!" the redhead exclaimed.

"What? No I—"

"You need a break, Jade. You've been packing _all day_," Tori said kindly, placing a hand on Jade's shoulder. Jade knocked the other girl's hand away.

"I don't need a break."

"We're almost done anyway, Jade. Why don't you go, take your mind off things. We'll haul all of the upstairs boxes downstairs while you're gone."

"…fine," Jade agreed sullenly. "Start packing the kitchen while you're at it."

So she found herself in her ex-boyfriend's car on the way to BF Wang's. She swung her scissors by the handle around her index finger, determined to maintain the silence (and, as a bonus, she knew the scissor-swinging made Beck a little nervous). When they arrived at the restaurant the order they'd called in was already prepared, masterfully packed into a paper bag by Domingo, the owner's son.

"I swear I'm going to go broke if I keep buying lunch for these people," Beck joked as he counted the money from his wallet. Juan, Domingo's brother, was waiting patiently at the cash register.

"Well, at least you don't have to buy coffee every morning anymore," Jade replied. She was slicing a to-go menu into strips.

"You weren't _that_ much of a budget-buster."

"Um, excuse me," Jade pointed the sharp end of her scissors at his face, "I've lost count of the number of times you said I was going to bankrupt you with my coffee obsession!"

"It was goodnatured joking!"

Jade gave him a sharp glare.

"Meaning," Beck clarified, "it was worth it."

* * *

The house was empty. The movers had come in the late afternoon, and the six students helped pack up all of the disassembled furniture and other things Jade didn't need (kitchen supplies and linens, mostly), which was going to sit in a storage unit until further notice. Jade took one last trip around each room, the setting California sun highlighting all that remained — boxes and dust. She came full circle, back to the five other teens who were waiting for her by the front door.

"The movers are coming back tomorrow," she announced. "They can help me get the rest of this out and drive it to the storage place."

There was a round of nods and murmured "okay"s.

"Thanks for helping," Jade said very quietly, staring at the doorframe. More nods.

"Are you ready to go home now, Jadey?" Cat asked.

"Yeah," Jade nodded. But she wasn't going home — she was leaving it, and she knew it. She took her time locking the door and driving home, Cat in the passenger seat harmonizing to the radio. Jade's fingers were motionless on the steering wheel, hardly hearing whatever music Cat was supposedly enhancing. A part of her felt warm when she thought about the people who had skipped school, unbidden, to help her pack her house. A bucket of cold water was dumped over that warmth as thoughts of _why_ crept up in her mind. She was the black sheep of her family, no doubt about that, and the shepherd was forcing her to return to her pen. But she'd be damned if she let them shear her and force her to blend into the herd.

_Go on, go on, go on, if you were thinking that the worst is yet to come_

_Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?_

* * *

**Okay, so Jade is moving in with her dad (and Celia, his wife) next chapter! As always, I'm happy to answer any questions/comments/concerns/conundrums/quests/crusades that you may have. It thrills me to read your reviews, so thank you so so much!**


	8. Home Sweet, No Sweet Home

**8\. Home Sweet, No Sweet Home.**

The few times Jade had been to her father's house had not been pleasant. They had all been dinners, in lieu of going to a restaurant, in an attempt to force Jade and Celia to bond. Jade did her best to be as sarcastic and sullen as possible at these dinners, warming up only slightly the one night her mother suggested she bring Beck. Beck's obvious passion for the theater arts was enough to end those dinners altogether — and set off a brand new argument between Jade and Richard over the quality of people with which she spent her time.

Jade realized now, as she pulled up to the curb, her car packed to the brim with bags and boxes, that she had never seen her father's house in the daylight. It was big. Really big. Like these-people-probably-have-memberships-to-six-different-country-clubs big. Every blade of grass was in place, and the sun gleamed off of the French doors on the second floor balcony above the three-car garage. Maybe it wasn't too late to drive across the country instead? She had everything she'd ever need piled on her backseat. Except money…and food…and Jade marched up the stone pathway and rapped the front door with her fist, jiggling the locked doorknob loudly until Celia yanked it open.

"Hello," Celia said, smiling. Jade took her friendliness as condescension.

"Yeah," Jade said to her stepmother coldly. Celia's smile faltered. Jade leaned to the right slightly, seeing Richard hobble to the door over Celia's shoulder. In a sweater and slacks, it was the most casual outfit Jade had ever seen her father wear. He looked better than the last time Jade had seen him, but the fact that he'd literally taken a beating still showed. A scar was healing across his face, his left wrist was braced, and he leaned heavily on a crutch.

"Jade," Richard greeted with a formal nod. Jade nodded back. "Where are your things?"

"In my car," Jade responded, pushing past Celia and into the house. Her musings had been right the other day — it did smell like lemons. Yapper tore around the corner, sniffing Jade's boots and doing what little dogs do best: yap.

"Your room is upstairs," Richard said over the dog's shrill barking. "Celia, if you would…?"

There was a moment of strained silence between them that made Jade's stomach drop — a feeling all to familiar for her liking.

"Of course," Celia finally said acidly. She led her stepdaughter up a sleek wooden staircase that curved to the left, and into a sunny room toward the back of the house. There was already a dark wooden bed with fresh sheets and a matching side table, dresser, and desk. The door to the en suite bathroom was ajar. Jade took a sweeping glance around the room, Celia in the doorway.

"Jade," Celia began with a sigh, "I know you aren't exactly happy to be here—"

"You got that right."

"But Richard— er, your father and I are going to make an effort, and I'd appreciate it if you would do the same. This isn't easy for us either. Our lives are being changed as much as yours."

"Not really."

"Yes really!" Celia maintained. "We're redesigning our lives and our home for you!"

"Are you calling me a homewrecker?" Jade took a few aggressive steps forward, and Celia took one timid step back.

"Of course not."

"Really? Because that's what it sounded like. Which is funny, coming from _you_."

Celia opened her mouth to say something, but instead sighed defeatedly and retreated downstairs.

"Home sweet home," Jade muttered bitterly to herself. She trailed after Celia downstairs and back outside, and began a continuous trek back and forth between the bedroom and her car. It took her an hour to bring in all of the boxes while Celia watched passively, almost curiously, from various perches around the house. Once everything she had brought from her old house to her new 'home' had been lugged into the too-bright bedroom and it's equally sun-drenched bathroom, Jade shut the door. She wondered for a moment if the adults downstairs would notice if she never came out again. Sadly, doubtful. So she stood, hands on her hips, squinting in the bright room at the haphazard piles of possessions surrounding her like a sandcastle some violent kid had stomped to the ground. Feeling for a second very proud of herself for labeling the boxes so thoroughly, Jade tore open the flaps of _sheets &amp; curtains_ and _sharp things_ and blocked out the natural light that was giving her a migraine. Blackout curtains (and thumbtacks) were close behind scissors on her list of all-time favorite inventions. With the sun effectively kept out, Jade started making plans to turn the whitewashed cell into a room worthy of calling her own. She started by tearing the crisp white sheets off of the bed and remaking it with the blankets she'd brought from home. _Former_ home, that is. When that was completed, she found she could lounge comfortably on the bed, and began to let her inner interior decorator go wild with a set of colored pencils. The walls would have to be repainted, so there was no point in hanging her butterflies or scissors yet. She'd have to find some tools tomorrow and hang her blackout curtains for real — those thumbtacks wouldn't last forever, and looked tacky, no pun intended. Scribbling on the paper in front of her with her black colored pencil (which was almost too short to comfortably hold), and with music blaring from the tinny speaker on her PearPhone, Jade created her Bedroom 2.0, a new and improved version of the haven from her old house. But her tunes were suddenly cut off and replaced by her ringtone, the phone buzzing erratically on the bedside table to her left. Picking up the pear-shaped device with pencil-stained fingers, Jade raised an eyebrow at the caller ID. _Beck_.

"Yeah?" she answered graciously.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Why did you call me?"

"To see what's up…."

"I'm in hell. Okay? Okay, goodbye."

"No don't hang up!" Beck's voice issued from the phone as Jade pulled it away from her ear. She held it between her ear and shoulder and continued drawing.

"Alright, I didn't hang up."

"Care to elaborate on this particular hell?"

"My dad's house."

"Oh. How is it?"

Jade made a noise like a dying bear in response.

"That bad, huh?"

"It's so bad. How much does wall paint cost?"

"I dunno, like twenty, thirty bucks a gallon?"

"Ugh."

"Why?"

"The room is _white_. And it faces _west._"

"That's kinda funny…."

"No it isn't. Not even a little bit. Why would anyone _ever_ build a house with windows facing west? Or east?! No one wants the sun in their room. What kind of person wants the sun in their room?!"

"Crazy people," Beck's grin was almost audible. "But I was actually laughing at the fact that it's _west_. And you're West. You know, Jade West."

"Yeah, I actually knew that one."

"Wait," Beck was cracking himself up. "Does your dad live in _Westwood_?!"

"No. Brentwood. West of Westwood."

"Oh," he was suddenly much less cheery. "Right."

"Yep," Jade frowned at the smudges her wrist had made on the paper.

"Wait, so you're _facing_ west, and you're west of Westwood?"

"Are you drunk?"

"I—what? No!" Beck sounded equally confused and offended.

"Have you been doing drugs?"

"Like I have the money to do drugs."

"Fair point. Then why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Talking to me. And laughing at your own horrible jokes."

"I didn't make up that joke, it existed all on its own. And what's so wrong with talking to you? We used to talk all the time."

"Yeah, when we were _dating_."

"So why can't we talk now?"

"Because it's weird."

"It's not weird."

"It is."

"It isn't, but I'll let you think whatever you want."

"Oh _thank you_," Jade tossed her notebook aside, sitting up to give this argument her full attention. "_Thank you_ for _allowing_ me to think for myself. I'm _honored_."

"Well hey, no problem."

"Why is it so fun for you to annoy me? You know what, don't answer that. I can do it myself. It's fun for you to annoy me because you have deep-seated, ineradicable psychological problems!"

Beck was silent for a moment. Jade smirked.

"My thesaurus says that 'deep-seated' and 'ineradicable' mean the same thing," he declared finally.

"I am _aware_ of that," Jade said through gritted teeth. "I just decided that I needed _both_ adjectives to describe your _messed up mind_!"

"I can accept that," Beck agreed. Jade rolled her eyes with a sigh. "You just rolled your eyes."

"I did not."

"You _so_ did."

"No, actually, I didn't!"

"I'm pretty sure you did."

"Oh yeah? _How_ sure?"

"Like ninety-eight percent sure."

"Ninety-eight percent? You—" Jade was cut off by Celia sticking her head in the room. Jade jotted _new locks_ on her list of improvements to the room.

"It's time for dinner," Celia said, looking at the dark curtains in distaste.

"Fine, whatever," Jade said. Once Celia had left, Jade brought her PearPhone back to her ear. "I'm leaving now. And there's no way you could have known that I rolled my eyes."

"You admit that you did! Also, I totally knew."

"No, you didn't."

"Yep, I did. 'Cause I _know_ you."

"You do _not_!" Jade shouted, hanging up her phone and tossing it roughly to the end of her bed. She winced, realizing just how much that answer sounded like a petulant child.

_Running with my roots pulled up_

_Caught me cold so they could cut_

_What there was left of love_

_I'm rootless, I'm rootless_

* * *

**Happy Saturday! Hope you enjoy :)**


	9. First in Line

**9\. First in Line.**

Jade sat at the only empty place setting at the dinner table (which was uncomfortably enormous) after waiting in her room for five more minutes to be sure that she would be late.

"You're late," Richard said sternly.

"Yep," Jade responded casually, sipping her water.

"Aren't you going to apologize to your stepmother and me?"

"You know," Jade said with false consideration, "I think you might want to save your 'apology' cards until later in the game."

Celia's eyes widened noticeably. Jade smiled wickedly, tuning out the hired chef when he came out to introduce tonight's dish. Instead she put on her most mischievous face and looked at her father and stepmother as if she had some diabolical plan in mind. Celia looked to her husband with frustration (and maybe a little fear) burning in her eyes. There was a silent argument between them for a moment, making the young chef falter slightly in his explanations. Richard waved him away.

"So Jade," Celia said as she demurely cut into her salmon. "You still attend a performing arts school?"

"Mhm."

"And how is that going?"

"Fine," Jade replied with a roll of her eyes.

"And your…boyfriend?" Celia asked politely, though Jade could see she didn't care. "What was his name? Rick? Jack?"

"Beck," Jade corrected. "And we broke up."

"Oh," Celia actually looked sympathetic, and Jade glared daggers at her patronizing stepmother.

"_I_ walked out on _him_," Jade defended, though that only seemed to be true in the daylight. Most nights she lay awake, abandoned and forgotten. But in the mornings _she'd_ left him behind and was free. She was the one breaking out instead of grasping at the fraying remains of their relationship.

Jade saw Celia raise her eyebrows. Jade narrowed her eyes and stabbed at the food on her plate violently. The next half hour was spent, for Jade's part, in total silence. She observed the conversation between her father and his wife, noticing with disdain the tension between them. Every word had a hidden meaning, every movement an ulterior motive. The brunette date he'd taken to Nozu on the night of his assault was clearly not forgotten. So Jade used the tactic she'd mastered just before her parents' divorce — disappearing into herself. She recited every scene from _the Scissoring_ in her head from the very beginning, ignoring the conversation at the table, and was at the seventh killing when she found she'd cleaned her plate. The chef emerged once again, asking how everyone enjoyed their meals. He watched Jade nervously, apparently aware of her reputation, and looked pleased and relieved when she gave him a quick thumbs-up, though her expression was blank.

"I'm leaving," Jade announced when the chef had returned to the kitchen, pushing back her chair and tossing her napkin onto the table.

"Wait," Richard commanded. Jade turned to face him but stayed standing. "I would like to…welcome you to your new home."

"Yeah thanks," Jade said indifferently. She turned to leave once again.

"And," Richard continued, "I would like you to know…that I don't hold the actions of your mother against you."

Jade raised her eyebrows, thoroughly surprised — if there was one thing Richard West was good at, it was misdirecting blame. She nodded her head, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You may go," Richard said, taking his crutch from its place leaning against his chair.

Jade stomped up the stairs, slowly heading for her bedroom, her brow furrowing. She was jerked from her thoughts by the sight of a small white ball of fluff on her bed. Yapper.

"No. Absolutely not."

Jade picked up the small dog and deposited it outside her bedroom, slamming the door shut. As she unpacked the four boxes of toiletries she had brought into her sizable bathroom, she grumbled to herself about her liar of a father. First claiming to want to repair their relationship, now saying he doesn't _blame her_ for her mother attacking him? And Celia, asking about school, asking about _Beck_. Jade shook her head angrily as she tried to make the shower work. There was no way these wealthy, snobby, anti-performing-arts elitists could change their ways so quickly. People don't change at the drop of a hat, or at the order of a judge. Sometimes people can't even change because they want to.

* * *

"Would you like to hear about my new plaaaaay?" Sikowitz asked the students in front of him on Monday. There was a general affirmation of _yes, definitely_ around the room. "Well, it's very _very_ good. It's about a young hacker working in IT who goes on the run after accidentally discovering that her boss is a cyber criminal!"

Jade perked up slightly. She could play an excellent hacker.

"There will be plenty of opportunities for the special effects crew to showcase their skills, so anyone who is interested, see Sinjin," Sikowitz suddenly brandished a stack of papers in each hand. "These"— he threw the right-hand papers into the air—"are the monologues for the boys. And these" — the left-hand papers flew—"are for the girls!"

"When are auditions?" Jade asked as she snatched a monologue from the air and started reading it over.

"Today," Sikowitz said calmly.

"_Today_?" Jade shouted. "What?! You can't expect us to learn a monologue in one day!"

"Sure I can!"

"Sikowitz," Tori began patiently, "we have classes today. We really don't have time to prepare audition-worthy monologues!"

"Then prepare an _unworthy_ monologue. I will allow you to call 'line' during the auditions."

There was a round of resigned shrugs amongst the students. They would certainly _try_.

Tori called for her line six times during her audition monologue. Jade called _once_, and without breaking character. Cat only called twice, but she'd memorized the wrong monologue and definitely didn't seem to be in the running for the highly intelligent leading character. No, it seemed, once again, that the lead was between Jade and Tori.

Jade sipped the last of her water bottle after finishing her monologue. She was shoving it back into her messenger bag on one of the Black Box seats when Beck approached her.

"Hey, great job," he said. "You did really well."

"Thanks. You did too," Jade said sincerely — his audition for the role of the hacker's corrupt employer was excellent. "I think this one's gonna be a lot of fun."

"Have they ever _not_ been fun?" Beck asked with a chuckle.

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, yeah I guess you're right. The one about the post office workers was a little…." Beck trailed off, searching for a word.

"Horrifying?"

"Yeah."

They took a moment to laugh about the mailman play from freshman year before parting ways for the day. Certain Sikowitz would cast her as the lead, Jade drove home singing along to every song that came on the radio, and greeted Richard and Celia courteously when she arrived home.

"What did you do?" Celia asked suspiciously. Jade rolled her eyes.

"I had a very successful audition today," she explained, "for a play one of my favorite teachers is directing."

"So you got the lead?" Richard asked, leaning on his crutch as he opened the fridge. The three of them were sitting in the kitchen, Jade crunching on a granola bar that didn't taste nearly as bad as it looked. Celia was sipping apricot juice delicately, examining her freshly-manicured nails.

"I haven't _technically_ gotten the lead," Jade admitted. "But it's in the bag."

"When is the play?"

"In a couple of weeks."

"Tell me when you know the exact date."

"Why?"

"So we can see it."

"Really?" Jade was shocked. Richard had never, _ever_, offered to attend one of her performances without her asking. Jade's heart fluttered slightly. "Well, thanks."

"As long as you get the lead, of course," Richard clarified.

"I'm _getting_ the lead," Jade said confidently.

* * *

She didn't get the lead.

Jade stalked assertively into Sikowitz's classroom on Friday, the cast list day, sitting in her usual chair with a smug smirk. When the Improv teacher sauntered in, carrying a coconut with a blue straw and a rather wet piece of paper, she jumped to her feet.

"Well?" she asked.

"Well what?" Sikowitz looked genuinely confused.

"The cast list!" Tori supplied anxiously.

"Oh," Sikowitz said impishly. "Do you mean…_this cast list_?"

He held out the folded paper that was oozing white liquid to the floor. Jade snatched it out of her hands with a roll of her eyes.

"What did you do to it?" Cat asked curiously from her spot next to Jade. The paper was dripping onto her pink and orange shoes.

"I soaked it in coconut milk."

"Why on earth would you do that?" Andre asked.

"_Everything deserves to be soaked in coconut milk_!" Sikowitz shouted, suddenly emotional. "I couldn't let this piece of paper live its life without experiencing the incomparable pleasure of a warm coconut milk bath."

"Okay, _ew_," Jade commented as she carefully unfolded the paper, grumbling that she hoped the ink would still be legible.

"What does it say what does it say what does it say?" Cat chattered, bouncing next to Jade's shoulder.

Jade took one look at the paper and threw it on the ground. Grabbing her bag harshly, and knocking over several chairs (and Robbie), she swept out of the room.

_Understudy_.

Honestly, she wasn't sure why she was surprised. Life was not a fairytale, or a sitcom, or a daytime soap opera. Nothing ever really changes. No, life was a game — and Tori Vega apparently held the loaded dice.

_So you're picking up signs_

_You're scared you might be losing your mind_

* * *

**Happy Tuesday! I'm not gonna lie, I haven't worked on this in awhile. I'm kind of stuck. I have about fifteen chapters written, but any ideas/requests you have would be super helpful. Enjoy! :)**


	10. You're Like a Party

**10\. You're Like a Party.**

"Are you kidding me?" Jade asked Sikowitz. It was partway through lunch, and she'd returned to the classroom.

"I try my very hardest not to," Sikowitz responded.

"Then why? _Why_?" Jade spread her arms. "My audition was _stellar_. I am _perfect_ for this part."

Sikowitz sipped his coconut, watching Jade like a scientist observing his experiment.

"I don't understand what is so _great_ about her," Jade said, her face falling.

"Who, Tori?"

"Yes, Tori."

"Well," Sikowitz laid his coconut aside. "For starters, she doesn't throw a temper tantrum when she doesn't get a role."

"Because she's never _not gotten a role_! She's gotten everything her pretty little heart desires."

"Maybe. But honestly, Jade, no one cares what you think about my casting," Sikowitz was more serious than Jade had ever seen him. There was no humor, no sparkle, in his eyes. "I don't care, Tori doesn't care, the President of the United States doesn't care. When _you_ are casting a play, you can do whatever you want. But for now, you are a student. So after school today, you will be at rehearsal for our first read-through of the script, and you will not be behaving like a spoiled child."

"Fine," Jade said quietly. She held her head high, but her bottom lip was quivering and hot tears were pricking her eyes. She skipped the last two periods of the day to sit in the janitor's closet with a garbage can wedged beneath the handle of the door so no one could see her cry.

* * *

Jade slammed her bag down on the floor and chucked her keys out of sight, making as much racket as she possibly could. Rehearsal was mind-numbingly boring (for her at least), and lasted a good two hours longer than it was supposed to. It was already after five. She violently searched the fridge for something to drink, settling for a bottle of "natural spring water." The doorbell rang as she leaned tensely against the kitchen counter. Gripping the bottle in her hand, she stalked to the entrance and tore open the front door. Her anger was momentarily forgotten as she took in the sight of Alyssa Vaughn on her doorstep.

"What do _you _want?" Jade asked, surprised.

"Um… Does Celia live here?" Alyssa asked politely. She paused. "Wait a second… Are you Jade West?"

"I could be."

"Oh my gosh it's so good to meet you!" Alyssa looked like she might hug Jade. The look in Jade's eye seemed to stop her. "I didn't know Celia had a daughter."

"She doesn't."

"Then—"

"She's married to my father."

"Oh. And you're dating Beck, right?"

"Wrong. We broke up. Months ago."

"Oh," Alyssa's face fell. "I'm really sorry to hear that."

"I bet you are," Jade crossed her arms. "Now what do you want?"

"I need to deliver these," Alyssa held up a sheaf of papers, "to Celia. It's info for a charity dinner she's holding with my mom. She does live here, right?"

"…yeah."

"Do you know when she'll be home?"

"Probably soon," Jade said with a shrug.

"Do you mind if I wait for her?"

"Whatever," Jade stepped aside to let Alyssa Vaughn into her house. She left Alyssa standing awkwardly in the entryway, returning to the kitchen with food on her mind. Not three minutes later she heard Celia and Alyssa squealing their hellos. Biting viciously into an apple, Jade began the walk to go destroy something (hopefully something _expensive_) in the privacy of her bedroom. She caught a snippet of their conversation that stopped her in her tracks:

"Alyssa, you look gorgeous! What are you all dressed up for?" Celia was asking slyly.

"Oh, there's a party tonight out on Venice Beach. I'm actually headed there now to pick up some friends and help set up, I just wanted to make sure you got all of these."

Jade pondered for a moment, pursing her lips. A party. With a decisive nod, she crunched her apple and finished her climb up the steps.

* * *

The party was already raging, and wealthy suburban boys were already getting drunk, when Jade managed to sneak out at nine that night. A throng of people were dancing near a set of speakers blasting music so loud Jade could feel the bass vibrating in her shoes. It didn't take long for her to be offered a drink by a blond boy in Sperry's who introduced himself as Sean or John or Ron or something. She'd nodded with a coy smile, batting long eyelashes flirtatiously. When he returned, however, Jade took the red Solo cup he'd meant to keep for himself and stalked off toward the music. Drinks later (she'd really lost count), she was in the middle of the dancing crowd, moving to the beat with four newfound friends. She hardly noticed the boy next to her was biting his bottom lip as he danced.

"I'm getting a drink," she shouted over the music to the guys dancing near her. Then, shoulder leading, she pushed her way to the edge of the mob.

"What are you doing here?" a voice said from behind her as she sipped her refilled plastic cup. She turned to find Beck, looking concerned.

"Having fun," she said haughtily. She laughed, stumbling and spilling a bit of her drink onto the sand. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Alyssa invited me. And I think you've had enough," Beck said, extending his arm to take her cup. She held it out of his reach.

"No way, I'm just getting started!"

"No, actually, you're drunk," Beck contradicted, settling for knocking the drink out of her hand.

"You asshole!" Jade shouted. "Why do you always have to come around and ruin everything?"

"I ruin everything?" Beck looked at his former girlfriend in disbelief and no small amount of mirth.

"Yes, you do. You ruined _my life,_" Jade sneered.

"How in God's name did I ruin your life?" Beck rolled his eyes.

"You're always—" Jade was cut off by someone bumping into her. She pushed the guy out of her way and stomped off to the fringe of the party, Beck following close behind.

"You were saying?" Beck asked, challenging. He didn't look so amused anymore.

"You…you're always…cold," Jade said finally.

"Cold," Beck looked at Jade like he might look at Cat's brother.

"Yes, _cold_! It's like you don't _feel_ anything. And you _hate_ that I feel things. You _hate_ that I have emotions, and that I get _offended_, or that I _like_ something — unless it's about _you_. _That's_ why you're always _bothering_ me. Because it makes you _feel_ something."

"What?" Beck looked down at her, bewildered. "That makes absolutely zero sense. And I don't _bother_ you!"

"Yes you do!" Jade shouted. "Because you don't know how to live without me!"

Apparently a drunk Jade was an overly confident, romantic-dramedy-worthy Jade.

"I'm doing just fine without you," Beck argued, clearly getting angry. But Jade ignored the tension in his forehead and plowed on.

"Then why do you keep calling me?"

"Why shouldn't I? We're friends!"

"We are _not_ friends!"

"Why not?!"

"_Because I'm trying to forget you_!" Jade's face crumpled into an expression of sheer anguish. He was taken aback by the pain in her eyes.

"What?" he said finally, blinking.

"I'm trying to forget you," Jade repeated, softer. "And if you want me to succeed with that, if you want me to forget about you, you need to _leave me alone_!"

Beck was opening his mouth to respond when suddenly Alyssa's hand was on his shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Everything's fine," Beck said coldly. Jade took a shaky breath, trying to hold in her tears.

"I-I think I'm going to head home…." she mumbled.

"Have you been drinking?" Alyssa asked kindly.

"No, I'm my own designated driver," Beck responded with half a smile. He seemed suddenly unperturbed.

"I wasn't _talking_ to you," Alyssa said, her voice suddenly sharp. "Jade? Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Been drinking."

"Not…not a lot…." Jade squeezed her eyes shut against her headache.

"Well… Let me drive you home anyway, come on," Alyssa put her arm around Jade and led her away.

"Th-that's my car," Jade slurred as they passed it.

"I'll have someone pick it up for you," she said. "Do you have your keys?"

Jade slapped her keys into Alyssa's hand without a second thought. She didn't realize until right then just how many drinks she'd had in such a short amount of time. Alyssa helped her into her own convertible — well, it was usually a convertible. The nauseatingly yellow car had a roof over it tonight, most likely to prevent any unwanted 'guests' from clambering into Alyssa's backseat. Jade thumped her head against the headrest with a groan as Alyssa started the engine.

"I'm such an idiot," she whimpered, putting a hand to her forehead.

"Here, drink this," Alyssa handed Jade a half-full water bottle, which she gulped down gratefully. "And you're not an idiot. We've all had nights like this."

"God, why did you invite him?" Jade whined.

"Who, Beck?"

"Duh."

"Well, I had no idea you were going to be there," Alyssa chuckled. "Or maybe I did. Maybe I'm psychic. Maybe you guys needed that little talk."

"I assure you we did not."

"Well _I_ assure _you_ that I had no idea what had happened with you two — how you guys broke up, I mean — until like half an hour ago. And I'm just as pissed about it as you are."

"I highly doubt that."

Alyssa shrugged.

"Why is life so _impossible_?" Jade asked suddenly as Alyssa pulled onto the dark freeway. "I mean, is it _normal_ to be this miserable?"

"I don't know, Jade," Alyssa looked at the girl beside her and rubbed her arm comfortingly. "But my mom always said: the earlier you have your worst days, the better the rest of your life will be."

"Is she dead now?" Jade asked, confused. Alyssa smirked.

"No, but she had a midlife crisis and doesn't say that particular idiom anymore."

"Maybe this is my midlife crisis. Maybe I'm going to die in my thirties, so this is halfway through my life."

"Well you're just a bucket of fun, aren't you?" Alyssa said with a smile.

"That's what they say," Jade agreed sarcastically. Then she closed her eyes, trying not to second-guess everything that had happened in the past twelve hours. Alyssa allowed the silence, and for some incomprehensible reason, Jade found her presence comforting.

"You know, Jade," Alyssa said as she pulled up to the West residence. "I never had feelings for Beck. And I know you won't believe this, but he's always been so stuck on you that there was no hope for any other girl."

"Nah, there's hope," Jade said blankly with a shake of her head. Alyssa sighed. "Thanks for driving me home."

"Sure," Alyssa smiled sadly. "Drink some water. You'll still probably have a hell of a headache tomorrow, but water'll help. I'll have someone sober drop off your car."

Jade nodded, shutting the car door as softly as possible to protect her already aching head and stumbling up the path. As Alyssa was driving off around the block, Jade stopped, eyes wide. _Alyssa had her keys._ Jade hoped against hope for a few seconds that the front door would be unlocked, but once again it seemed the world was against her. Squeezing her eyes shut in anticipation, she knocked.

_May I propose_

_a little toast_

_to all the ones who hurt the most?_

* * *

**Sorry. You guys are all a little mad for last chapter, and this chapter isn't so nice either, and (spoiler alert) neither is the next one. Somehow Alyssa Vaughn worked her way into this story, and I love the irony of the idea of her and Jade kinda becoming friends. This chapter is really long, so I'll just bid you _adieu_ until Tuesday!**


	11. You've Left Me Speechless

**11\. You've Left Me Speechless.**

Jade was one hundred percent sure she looked as much of a mess as she felt, so the expression on her father's face when he opened the door wasn't exactly a surprise.

"And where the hell have you been?" Richard inquired unsympathetically. He was in a navy blue bathrobe and black slippers, leaning on his crutch.

"Out," Jade's voice was hoarse. "Can you yell at me in the morning?"

"No," Richard pointed to a bench next to an empty coatrack. "Sit."

Jade sat, her hands between her knees. She let her hair fall in front of her face as she stared at his crutch against the floor.

"Where have you been?" Richard asked again. "And I want the truth."

"At a party."

"With whom?"

"No one."

"Look at me." Richard's sharp voice made Jade raise her head. "Who were you with?"

"I wasn't with anyone. I crashed the party."

"Why?"

"Because my invitation was lost in the mail," Jade's sarcasm couldn't be tamed even by alcohol. "Why do you think? I wasn't invited!"

"Watch your tone," Richard pointed a stern finger at his daughter. "Why did you go?"

"…just wanted to have some fun," Jade mumbled, shrugging weakly. She glanced back down at her knees.

"And did you?"

"Yes," Jade lied, sneering. "I had a blast."

"You smell like beer."

"Not all of us can afford scotch."

"Go to bed," Richard sighed angrily, rubbing the tension in his forehead awkwardly with his braced wrist. "We'll talk more in the morning."

For a second she contemplated _not _going to bed just to spite him, but the blood throbbing in her temples made a different choice. Jade stomped up the stairs and flopped onto her bed, her head regretting the door she'd just slammed. She moaned into her pillow, shutting her eyes.

She opened her eyes again a moment later and saw that the clock beside her bed read ten in the morning. _She'd already slept for ten hours_? Jade rolled onto her stomach, wanting to vomit from the pain inside her head. A quote from a movie she'd watched a few years ago came into her mind: _"He's having a migraine. Imagine someone sawed open your head, filled it with razors and shook it as hard as they could."_ Never before had a movie quote suddenly made so much sense. Wanting to delay standing up for as long as possible, she fumbled for the PearPhone resting on the nightstand and turned it on. There were various texts from Cat (the usual random thoughts), and one voicemail notification. Jade sighed — she was pretty sure she knew who that message would be from, but she tapped the icon anyway.

"Hey, Jade…." Beck paused for a moment in his message with a sigh. "I know you're upset with me, and you kind of have every right to be, but we need to talk about what happened last night. Call me when you get this, please. We really need to talk."

Jade didn't want to talk. Instead, she stumbled into the shower, turned it on full throttle and set the steam jets running. Standing under the steady stream of water, she breathed in the heat for a good thirty minutes. When she thought she'd mustered up the courage to face whatever was waiting for her downstairs, she dried herself off, dressed, and tiptoed to the kitchen. Coffee was already made (maybe the universe didn't hate her quite so much after all). She was on her third mugful when she heard Richard's distinctive gait — foot, crutch, foot, crutch — approaching the kitchen.

"Wait," her father said as Jade tried to slide out of the room. "Stop."

"Sleep well?" Jade half-grinned sheepishly, turning to face him.

"We need to talk about what happened last night," Richard announced, seating himself on a stool. Jade stood across from him, clutching her coffee. She wondered if she picked the wrong person to confront about the party.

"It was just…youthful indiscretion," Jade said casually with a wave of her hand, setting the mug down for a refill. Usually she could smooth over whatever argument was actually her fault this way.

"You've never done anything like this before."

"How would you know?" Jade said, uncharacteristically calm. "You weren't around 'before.'"

"Jade," Richard sighed, leaning forward. "Has something happened? Is that why you're acting out?"

"No," Jade said sarcastically with an impatient roll of her eyes. "Nothing's _happened_. My entire life's been uprooted and my mother is in jail, but nothing _distressing_ has happened."

"You watch your tone," Richard threatened, his patience sapped."I've been nothing but kind to you ever since you got here. I even offered to come to the play you're in, even though you know I despise the theater."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that play," Jade declared with the false cheer she tended to reserve for Tori, "because I am an _understudy_. Do you know what that means? I'm not even _in_ the play."

Richard raised his eyebrows quickly up and down. He had expected this, Jade could see it in his eyes. He looked like a man who'd just won a bet — Satisfied.

"And you don't _despise_ theater," Jade challenged. "You saw my play, you saw _Well Wishes_ a couple of years ago and you said it was _excellent_."

"I meant for something _you_ wrote," Richard scoffed. "Something written by a _child_. It was weird and disturbing. No wonder you couldn't produce it at your school."

Jade tossed her mug into the sink, hoping it cracked, and stalked out of the kitchen.

"I am _not_ finished speaking!" Richard bellowed after her, trying to pursue her on his crutch.

"I _am_ finished listening!" Jade shouted, pivoting to face him. "I've been finished listening to you since middle school!"

"Well you live under _my_ roof now!"

"That doesn't mean you own me!" Jade was screaming at the top of her lungs by now and her headache was making her dizzy. "So stop trying to control me, because you _can't_! I will _crawl_ to _Canada_ and back before I let you dictate how I live my life!"

"I _can_ dictate how you live your life. I pay for it. I pay for every aspect of it," Richard's voice was suddenly dangerously low. But even with every limping step he took forward, Jade didn't move. She stood her ground, staring back unrelentingly. "I took you in after your shit-show of a mother went off the deep end. The least you can do is give me the respect I deserve."

"I don't respect people who don't respect me."

"I will respect you when you _earn _it. So you will follow my rules."

"You can't make me." Jade almost winced. She wished for a moment that she could come up with a more mature response, but there really wasn't one.

"I can and I will. Here's what you will do: you will be home by seven every night unless I give you permission to be elsewhere. You will not write your creepy plays or stories or love songs to mend your broken heart. You will attend college and become a surgeon or a lawyer or a goddamn _dentist_— somebody that's _worth_ something. Someone useful. _Successful_."

"You'll think differently when I win an Oscar," Jade retorted. Richard smirked.

"To do that you'd have to be talented. You can't even get cast in a high school play — which is why you will not be returning to your performing arts school."

"I… What?"

"You heard me."

"You can't _make_ me leave Hollywood Arts," Jade's voice shook just a little bit. She took a step backward.

"I won't pay for it any longer."

"I won't leave."

"I've already informed the school that you will be out at the end of the quarter."

"You're bluffing, you asshole." Jade said harshly — in reality, she wasn't quite sure.

"Try me," Richard snarled. Then his face softened. "You'll thank me someday, Jade. Someday you'll realize that I'm helping you. These dreams of being a performer… They're laughable, Jade. You'll see that soon."

He turned on his crutch and hobbled away. Jade didn't move for a few moments, biting her lip and trying to keep in her tears. The razors in her head were suddenly tap dancing.

_You popped my heart seams._

_All my bubble dreams,_

_Bubble dreams._

* * *

***whispers* _sorry. _****You guys are all a little mad at me for the shit I'm giving Jade, so...sorry. I know Jade leaving HA is kind of a trope within the fandom, but I'm trying to make it not cliche. We'll see. Anyway, thank you for all of your reviews even though you might think I'm heartless! I honestly love being yelled at by you guys - if my writing can make you feel something like that, I've succeeded.**


	12. Like a Bird in a Cage

**12\. Like a Bird in a Cage.**

It was official. He was seriously pulling her out of school. After all those years of threatening to do so, he finally pulled the plug and she had mere weeks left at Hollywood Arts. Richard didn't know it, but he was giving Jade until the end of the quarter to find a way to stay.

Her first thought was to pick up the phone and call someone. But who could she call? Cat would be reduced to a weeping mess if Jade were to leave HA even hypothetically. She didn't really feel like calling Beck was even an option anymore, and thus ended the list of people she'd ever put her trust in. The social worker, Theresa Roy, would most likely agree with Richard's assertions that he was 'doing what was best for her.' Adam would complain about Jim the assistant, and there probably wasn't much a criminal defense lawyer could do about bad parenting anyway. Thus ended the list of adults whose jobs were to help her. So, she took the immature path — the low road— pilfered cash from her father's wallet, and hopped in her car.

Since she was already in the doghouse for coming home half drunk the night before, it probably wasn't very smart for Jade to go out and buy wall paint on Saturday afternoon. But she did. While Richard and Celia were out having lunch with a few friends at the country club, Jade painted over the horrid white walls of her room with a dark burgundy quick-dry paint. She sprayed the lemon-smelling stuff that the house cleaners were so fond of outside her door to cover the smell of the fumes. Once the paint was reasonably dry she started pounding nails into the wall on which to hang her vast collection of scissors and framed butterflies and other precious knick-knacks she'd picked up throughout her life. After a week of living in what felt like a hospital ward, finally the room started to feel like _Jade_. And if it made her father angry, all the better. She certainly slept better that night in a room that could at long last be classified as _dark_. Now she just had to deal with all those boxes.

On Sunday morning Jade strolled into the kitchen to find Friday night's chef flipping an omelet on the stove.

"Good morning," he said uneasily. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Nope," Jade said, pouring coffee into a travel mug. She wasn't quite sure where she was going, but she wasn't planning on spending the day _here_.

"I'm Mart, by the way," the chef told her hesitantly.

"_Mart_?"

"Well it's short for Martin, but my dad's Marty and my grandpa's Martin, so… I'm Mart."

"Why not Martin Junior?"

"…I never thought of that," Mart looked like he'd experienced an epiphany.

Jade looked disgusted. She went to the entryway, and halted when her car keys were not hanging on their usual hook.

"Where are my keys?" she yelled to whomever was listening. Celia emerged.

"We smelled the paint last night, you know," she said.

"So?"

"So you have lost your car privileges."

"That's bullshit."

"It's your father's orders," Celia said with an innocent shrug. She gave Jade a sympathetic half-smile that only succeeded in enraging the teenager further.

"His _orders_?! He can't just—"

The doorbell rang. She seemed to always get interrupted by the fucking doorbell. Normal people can't possibly have this many unexpected guests.

"Oh hello, Alyssa," Celia greeted cheerfully. "I'm afraid I haven't finished that guest list yet."

"Oh, no no, I'm not here about that," Alyssa Vaughn's voice said. "I'm actually here to see Jade, is she in?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Jade muttered, stepping into the doorway beside Celia.

"Hi Jade," Alyssa said happily. "You look much better than you did on Friday."

"Yeah well…" Jade shrugged. "Friday was two days ago."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I hardly even have a headache."

"No, I meant…. How are you _feeling_?"

Jade glared at her stepmother until Celia took the hint and disappeared around the corner. Once Jade heard a door shut, she turned back to Alyssa.

"I'm_ fine_," Jade rolled her eyes.

"Right," Alyssa didn't believe her. "Do you want to go hang out? We can get an early lunch, and I'm assuming you haven't really had a tour of the neighborhood."

"I thought you lived in Bel-Air."

"My mom lives here," Alyssa said brightly.

Jade narrowed her eyes, assessing the girl in front of her. A girl who's face she was symbolically destroying in a magazine not a month ago.

"Fine," she said finally.

* * *

Jade had to continually remind Alyssa (and herself) that they were _not friends_. They couldn't possibly be friends. Alyssa took Jade all around Brentwood in the yellow convertible, spending the day stopping at boutiques and cafés and a farmer's market. Jade's mood did brighten a bit once she'd tasted the homemade roast at a particular coffeehouse, though she'd never admit it. It was late afternoon when they had run out of things to do and were simply sitting on a sidewalk bench, people-watching.

"I love it here. It's like a little slice of heaven, you know?"

"Sure," Jade agreed sarcastically with a sigh. "If your heaven involves a simulation prison."

"So I take it things aren't going well?" Alyssa said pointedly.

"Could be better," Jade admitted.

"Anything I can do?"

"Bust my mother out of jail?"

Alyssa looked startled at that response.

"I'm kidding," Jade assured her. "Sorta."

"Well, take it from a girl who's been there." Alyssa paused. "Not _there_ exactly, but I understand what it's like to want a clean slate. And I happen to know you have a great group of friends, so just rely on them and, you know, create your own family."

"That's your advice?" Jade asked skeptically.

"That's my advice."

"I should probably be getting home," Jade changed topics quickly. Not taking 'no' for an answer, she slung her purse back onto her shoulder and started walking in the direction of Alyssa's car. _Create your own family_, she grumbled inwardly. _You have a great group of friends_. Yeah. An awesome group of friends: a boy who lives his life with his hand up an impolite puppet, the girl who gets everything Jade wants, a musician who probably still thinks Jade's a criminal, an artificial redhead who has the IQ of a seagull and the attention span of a squirrel, and Jade's ex-boyfriend the poker-face master. Great.

Jade found herself willing to suffer whatever music Alyssa wanted in order to prevent the young socialite from giving any more unsolicited advice. Jade checked her phone as Alyssa messed with the radio station, and she found a missed call from Cat. Talking on the phone would be an even better deterrent — Alyssa was far too polite to interrupt.

"Jaaaadey!"

"Hi Cat."

"Jadey I haven't talked to you since Friday!"

"No you haven't. But I'll see you tomorrow."

"Can't you see me tonight? We're all going to Tori's, you should come over!"

"I can't, Cat." _Also I won't._

"Are you surrrrre?" Cat whined.

"I'm _so_ sure, Cat."

"But everyone wants you to come!"

"You're a terrible liar, Cat."

"No really! They do!"

"Have fun with the Scooby Gang. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No Jadey! Come over!"

"_No, Cat_!" Jade snarled.

"Okay…." Cat sounded like she was nearly in tears. She hung up before Jade had the chance to stutter out an apology. Jade glanced to her left and saw Alyssa quickly turning her eyes away. When they arrived back at Jade's house, neither girl said goodbye. Jade just jumped out of the car, slamming the door when she entered the house that loomed before her.

Richard was waiting for her.

"Hi," Jade said, somehow making her greeting a threat.

"I didn't say you could go out today," Richard responded.

"I don't need your permission."

"Actually, you do. You need to learn to do as you're told!"

Jade rolled her eyes.

"Any other scabs you wanna pick at?" she asked.

"Take that jewelry out of your face," he said for possibly the millionth time.

"No."

"I will not have my daughter dressing like a harlot."

"Then disown me."

Richard West stared at his daughter.

"You would seriously regret it if I agreed to that."

"No, actually, I wouldn't."

"Where would you go?" Richard asked menacingly, stepping forward. "What would you _do_? Sing? Act?"

Jade didn't respond, crossing her arms defensively.

"Dance?" her father drawled, giving her a once over. She scowled, turning her back on him and walking away. "Also, be sure to clean your room, and take all that crap off the walls. The decorators are coming to repaint tomorrow."

_There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light_

_And I'm frightened by those who don't see it._

* * *

**Okay, you're all mad at me. Feel free to rage, I love reading your comments! So yes, Jade's dad is making her leave HA at the end of the quarter. We'll see how that works out ;) Also, on another note, that movie quote I used in the last chapter was from _Shutter Island_ (which I sort of love) and it is the best description of a migraine I've ever heard - I would know. So, sorry for torturing Jade! Sort of.**


	13. Man-Made Dark

**13\. Man-Made Dark.**

Jade's father was officially the self-appointed dictator of her life. In two days, he managed to single-handedly turn everything from bad to worse. He had started looking at new schools for her. She constantly reminded him that it was unfathomably stupid to have her transfer her senior year, but he returned that she should be grateful for his attention, and shoved brochures into her hands. Jade figured he thought he was being considerate by letting her pick her own prison. Each one was worst than the last — St Catherine's looked like a convent, the Los Angeles County Girl's Institution for Science and Math look liked a _Galaxy Wars _hell, and the list went on. The brochures were uniform in their joylessness. There was none of the energy, the creativity, the color that drew Jade to HA in the first place. None of them even had so much as a brass band. So, to recap: at home, she wasn't allowed to do any of the things that made her happy, and was ridiculed and reprimanded at every turn; at school, she was squeezed out of her rightful place as leading lady, and on top of that, Cat wasn't texting her back. Jade dreaded home, her personal hell, and she dreaded school, the place that was once a haven. _Cat couldn't be mad about one snippy comment, could she?_

Jade sat up in bed on Monday morning and looked around her room blearily. The dark walls were certainly a nice change, but there were still boxes that she'd been trying to ignore for the past week piled by the almost-empty closet. She sliced the tape off one of the _Keep_ boxes from her mother's house, seeking a certain black shirt she hadn't worn in awhile since she had been living mostly out of the stuff she'd brought from Cat's. She dug through the box, messing up all of Tori's careful folding. A spot of color amongst the black clothes caught her eye, and Jade dragged out a certain Canadian flannel. She rubbed the soft fabric of the sleeve between her fingers for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek. The shirt slid under the bed when she hurled it across the room. She found the top she'd actually been looking for and paired it with jeans from her dresser.

Richard and Celia's voices could be heard emanating from the kitchen, so Jade made the executive decision to buy breakfast and coffee on her way to school in order to avoid them. She didn't need another lecture explaining that she'd never find a good husband if she continued dressing 'like that.' Squeezing her eyes shut and praying to whatever divine being existed, Jade stood in the entryway. She opened her eyes and — lo and behold— her car keys were hanging on the hook. She sighed, relieved, and headed to the nearest Jet Brew, and even got to yell at the barista ("Maybe I don't _want_ to have a good day, you presumptuous idiot!"). With a muffin in her stomach and the largest coffee they sold in her hand, she strutted into first period a half hour later and took her seat next to Andre.

"Hey," Andre said hesitantly.

"Yep," Jade responded without looking.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Oh. Good. Me too. Fine."

Neither of them said anything after that. In fact, Jade didn't hold a voluntary conversation the entire day — Cat wasn't in school. Jade found herself preoccupied by the idea that Cat was avoiding her. Cat wouldn't be distraught enough to skip school because of Jade…right?

* * *

Jade watched as Tori (once again) screwed up the blocking for the second scene, but she wasn't really seeing anything. She heard Sikowitz impatiently explaining _no, Tori you are not supposed to stand up at that line_, but it didn't give her any of the satisfaction that Tori being scolded usually did. It just made her apathetically annoyed. The teeny tiny optimist inside Jade was trying to claw its way to the surface, telling her that maybe it was a good thing that she was leaving Hollywood Arts. She wouldn't have to deal with this frustration anymore. She'd never be cast as an understudy if she went to school to be a doctor. _No_, she told herself. _This is where I belong. I deserve to be here._ Right?

Sikowitz waved Jade over when the cast was taking five.

"Jade," he said quietly. "On Friday, when we run the show, you'll play the lead. Tori's going to be out of town."

Jade nodded. It was customary for the understudy to have at least one run-through, just in case. Tori's departure just decided the date. Jade sat back in the audience, following along in her own script, quietly sighing every time Tori misspoke her lines. She left the second Sikowitz said she could, and opened the door at her house as quietly as possible.

Dragging her bag up the stairs to start her homework, Jade was _not_ pleased to find in her room, once again, Yapper. She let out a primal scream of anger, which succeeded in startling the sleeping dog on her bed. Jade dropped her bag inside the door and gathered up the animal in her arms. Yapper sighed contentedly as Jade stalked down the hall and shoved open the door to her father's office. Richard looked up from the papers on his desk — no injury could stop this workaholic.

"Where's Celia?" Jade asked angrily.

"Ah, Jade," Richard said, removing the reading glasses from his nose. "What are you doing with Vera Wang?"

Jade deposited the dog on her father's desk. Backing away, she started roughly brushing away all of the little white fur that had stuck to her black shirt.

"Is your room clean?" Richard asked as Yapper jumped from the desk to his lap to the floor.

"I won't let them repaint it," Jade declared, referring to the decorators that were probably already on their way.

"That room cannot stay the color you painted it."

"I _like_ the color I painted it."

"No one else will. How am I supposed to sell this house with a room painted like that? It's…distasteful."

"You're selling the house?" Jade asked, unimpressed.

"Celia and I have…discussed a move to another city."

"After I graduate."

"Does it matter? You'll be at a boarding school by the time this happens. In fact, it would open up your options immensely if we moved to Chicago."

"Chicago?" All Jade could hear was Trina singing about how _it's a city that's exciting it's a city that's inviting_ and it made her a little sick.

"It's an option," Richard said casually, uncapping a pen and glancing back to his papers.

"I'm not leaving Hollywood Arts," Jade asserted for what felt like the hundredth time.

"It's already been decided that you _are_, Jade," Richard said impatiently without looking up.

"We'll see." Jade turned.

"Wait," Richard called just as she was crossing the threshold.

"What?"

"Be sure you're home early on Friday."

"I can't."

"You must."

"Why?" Jade sighed, annoyed.

"Some colleagues of mine are coming for dinner and I expect you to be there," he looked up at her sharply, "and _suitably dressed_."

"I don't have anything you would consider _suitable_, so I won't be there."

"A black dress will be fine. Cover your…_ink_, and take those _things_ out of your face. You can wear some of the jewelry I bought you from Tiffany's."

Jade responded by returning to her bedroom. As she opened her textbook and began reading about the XYZ Affair for her history class, she brooded about all the little blue boxes she'd been given over the years, and a thought came to mind. A two hundred dollar bracelet for a missed dinner, a hundred and seventy-five dollar earrings for a play left at intermission, plus birthdays and Christmases. She'd have to come up with an actual number at some point, but her estimate of five thousand dollars lit a tiny spark of hope. Jade tossed her textbook aside and opened her PearBook. In a search engine she typed _pawn shops in Los Angeles_. At least something good could come out of all of those broken promises.

_You're buying stars to shut out the light._

_We come alone and alone we die,_

_And no matter how hard you try_

_I'll always belong in the sky._

* * *

**I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter, so thank you so much! Not much happens here, mostly setup for further chapters, and this chapter is really short, but the next chapter is hella dramatic. Anyway, thanks to the guest who commented that they liked the quotes I use to end my chapters - they're all song lyrics (as are the titles), and I'll probably put the playlist on 8tracks when I finish the story. Also, don't worry, nobody's moving to Chicago. You'll see why eventually ;)**


	14. Cold

**I'm posting early to explain something. There was some confusion in the last chapter, since I got two reviews saying how happy people were that Jade got the part. She _didn't_. Understudies get at least one full rehearsal run-through to make sure they know the part. It's a theater thing, and I guess I forget that people don't know that, and it wasn't well explained in the show. So. Because Tori was leaving for the weekend and couldn't make it to rehearsal on Friday, Sikowitz said that Jade - the understudy- could play the role for that _rehearsal_. This has nothing to do with the actual performance. Sorry for that confusion.**

* * *

**14\. Cold.**

Cat wasn't in school on Tuesday either, and Jade started to panic very quietly. She left school at lunch and didn't attend rehearsal — what did it matter, anyway? Why watch Tori screw up what Jade had memorized? Instead, Jade spent the afternoon harassing a barista at Jet Brew and thinking about how she would personalize the murder of each person she hated (even jotting down a few notes). It did little to cheer her up, since a little voice in the back of her mind was scolding her for skipping school and for antagonizing the teacher she used to adore.

Jade didn't look Sikowitz in the eye for the entire Improv class on Wednesday, and he ignored her just as fully. It was like the girl in the back row with the pale skin and black hair staring at the floor didn't exist. Jade had never not existed before, and it scared her how easy it was to disappear. Even sitting alone, an understudy in the dark theater during rehearsals didn't make her feel as invisible as being in this brightly-lit classroom.

At the end of the period, when the lunch bell rang, Sikowitz plopped down on the little stage at the far end of the room, hunched over. His legs were splayed out in a straddle, and he gripped an orange marker in his hand, the cap in his teeth. No other teacher, even in a school this unconventional, graded essays in Crayola.

"Sikowitz?" Jade asked as the rest of the students filed out. He looked up from the paper he was marking up.

"Jade, what can I do for you?" Again he wasn't smiling. Jade hardly recognized the man with the solemn eyes.

"I just… I need to…talk to you about something." Something about this serious Sikowitz put Jade on edge.

"Yes? Well, go ahead. Talk."

"I…I can't make it to rehearsal on Friday. Is there another day we could run the show with me as the lead?" She bit her lip apprehensively.

"No, there isn't," Sikowitz responded, not quite unkindly.

"Why can't we do it another day?" Jade's voice rose half an octave as she began to panic.

"It isn't fair to Tori if she loses a rehearsal because your schedule doesn't work."

"She won't care! Let me do it today, or tomorrow! I know my lines, I just need the chance to run the show."

"So does Tori."

Somehow that put on-edge Jade _over_ the edge.

"God, Sikowitz! What is your _problem_? I've done nothing but cooperate with you, and you keep screwing me over!"

Sikowitz hugged his golf-pant-clad legs to his chest, looking up at his dark-haired student almost curiously.

"You never hated me before! And then you told everyone in court that I was a _gank_, and now you're not even trying to hide how biased you are toward Vega."

"Jade. You need to grow up and—"

"Seriously?" Jade shrieked. "Can't you see how _screwed up_ my life is right now? Can't you cut me a little slack?!"

"Jade," Sikowitz tried again, standing. He put a hand on each of her shoulders — they felt heavy. "Let go of your childish need to be the _best_. You're almost eighteen, I am not going to coddle you or hold your hand anymore. In the real world, you're going to lose plenty of roles that you want and no one is going to pat you on the head and give you a cookie for trying your best."

"What's your point?" Jade crossed her arms.

"My point is that if you aren't at rehearsal this Friday, I'll have to recast you. It's the only day Tori can't make it, so it's the only day the understudy can rehearse."

"So you're going to make someone learn the entire script by Friday to teach me a lesson? No one else even auditioned!"

"Then I'll find someone who didn't audition and offer them extra credit," Sikowitz said with a shrug. "You should learn by now that, in theater, _everyone_ is replaceable."

Making sure to keep her face from showing how betrayed she felt, Jade stalked out of the classroom, her arms tightening around her ribcage as if that could help protect her. She saw Beck leaning against the wall just outside the door, but didn't stop even to yell at him. She knew if she took her teeth off her lips the tears would fall freely from her stinging eyes.

"What just happened in there?" Beck was asking, walking beside her. Jade bit her lips harder, just shaking her head. "I've never heard Sikowitz talk like that to anyone."

Jade just sniffed, halting before she had to turn the corner out into the crowded hall.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently. He reached his hand up as if to touch her face, but pulled it back.

She shook her head, breaking eye contact.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Jade nodded, blinking slowly.

"Okay." And he disappeared around the corner. She sucked in a breath desperately and let it out shakily, blinking her eyes over and over again to rid herself of the tears that still wanted to escape. Seconds later, though, Beck reappeared from around the corner.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't leave you like this. What _happened_?"

"Sikowitz hates me," Jade muttered. The way her voice was weak and watery made her cringe. "I don't know why."

"But… You've always been his favorite."

"Yeah," Jade scoffed. "Until I got usurped by Vega."

"It wasn't her fault," Beck said automatically. Jade's dead eyes welled up again as the familiar argument began. "I mean, it wasn't your fault either. It wasn't _anyone's_ fault. Except maybe Sikowitz's, I can't really see the other side of that argument. Why did he say you were replaceable?"

"Because I can't go to rehearsal on Friday, and that was the day I was going to be the lead. And it's not like I _want_ to skip rehearsal!" Jade's voice was rising. "I have this stupid dinner with my dad that I just found out about yesterday."

"And I'm guessing you can't skip that either."

"You guessed right."

"Hey, you know…um…well…we'll figure this out," Beck said tentatively, shrugging his shoulders as if cleaning up Jade's mess of a life was the easiest thing in the world. She couldn't help but think that if it _were_ so easy, a lot of other mistakes could have been avoided — a lot of doors would have opened.

Jade jumped, gasping as Cat bounced around the corner.

"Hi guys!" she chirped. "I'm so happy to see you! It's so weird being late to school, I feel like I just started my day, but everyone else is ready to go home!"

"Hi Cat…" Jade greeted uneasily. Beck, who could sense an awkward conversation from ten miles out, casually fled the scene.

"Jadey, is everything okay?"

"Well, yeah, I just…. How are you? You weren't in school yesterday."

"Oh! I was feeling kind of sad."

"How come?" Jade asked tentatively.

"'Cause my brother kidnapped my phone, and he hid it in a bowl of cake batter my mom had left out in the kitchen because the phone rang."

Jade blinked.

"But we found it before the cake went in the oven! But now my phone doesn't really work…. It only makes this weird noise. Like an alien."

"A-and that's why you were sad?"

Cat nodded. Jade involuntarily let out a sigh of relief.

"I thought you were sad because I kinda yelled at you on Sunday," Jade admitted quietly, chuckling awkwardly.

"Oh…" Cat looked down. "And I couldn't tell you that I wasn't sad about that because of my phone…."

Tears were suddenly shining in Cat's doe eyes as her pouting bottom lip quivered. Jade opened her mouth to comfort the tiny redhead, but—

"What is wrong with you?" Beck had materialized beside Jade and dragged her away.

"What?" Jade narrowed her eyes at Beck in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Where the hell do you get off treating Cat like that?"

"I didn't—"

Beck looked around furtively, then grabbed Jade's wrist and yanked her into the nearby janitor's closet.

"You have to stop doing this! You just made Cat _cry_, and you made her cry when we were all at Tori's on Sunday," Beck shouted when they were safely behind closed doors.

"I didn't _make_ her cry! I mean, she cries when someone _sneezes_! And I didn't mean to yell at her on Sunday — but it's not like I was going to spend an evening with a whole bunch people who don't want me there!" Jade defended.

"What are you talking about? Of course we wanted you there."

There was silence between them for a moment, each scrutinizing the other in confusion.

"Stop it!" Jade shouted suddenly, her blue eyes blazing.

"Stop what?!"

"Stop it with your…_mind games_!"

"What mind games? I don't play _mind games_!"

"You've _always_ played mind games! You like to mess with me! You think it's fun, but it's _not_. You like riling me up, and you like calming me down, because you think you can _control me_. You think you _own_ me!"

"I don't think that!"

"Then why can't you leave me alone?!"

"Because we're friends!"

"I don't _want_ to be your friend!" Jade choked out, glassy-eyed. Her throat was suddenly constricting as she held back sobs.

"Well…you need friends!" Beck said stumblingly. "Everyone needs friends, even if you think you don't."

"I don't need _you_. I asked you to leave me alone. I don't even want to be around you."

"Well, I'm not going to drop off the face of the earth."

"I know that," Jade's voice was much quieter. She sighed, running a hand across her eyes. "And I know that we can't realistically avoid each other. But you are not my friend. You're…an acquaintance, I guess. So I'm going to treat you civilly, until I'm gone."

"What do you mean 'until you're gone?'" Beck looked suddenly uneasy. Jade paused. She hadn't planned on telling anyone. Cat would get all blubbery and everything would be awkward with the Scooby Gang all over again.

"I mean I'm leaving at the end of the quarter." The cat's out of the bag, now.

"What?" Beck's eyes widened.

"Yep."

"_Why_?"

"Because I want to."

"Your dad's forcing you to, isn't he." It wasn't a question.

"No," Jade lied, "it was my decision."

"No it wasn't. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't just give up on your dreams."

"Things change," Jade said vacantly. "_Dreams_ change."

With that, Jade fled the janitor's closet, leaving Beck standing alone, speechless.

_Talk and talk and talk and talk_

_Baby let's just knock it off_

* * *

**So yeah, Cat being mad at Jade was a total red herring. And I know I put an author's note at the beginning, but I'm putting one here too because I have a couple of questions. One: was it ever confirmed that Jade's full name is Jadelyn, or is that just a widely-accepted headcanon? Same for Beck. Two: is there a master list of all of the parody brand names (PearPhone, Jet Brew, etc) that are used on the show? That would be so helpful. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying. Sorry for all of my notes in this chapter.**


	15. It's Easier to Give In

**15\. It's Easier to Give In.**

Jade steadied herself as she heaved some textbooks into her locker then joined Cat at the lunch table with the rest of the gang.

"Hi Jade," Tori said cheerily.

"Yep," Jade responded like she had to Andre that morning.

"Jadey, my mom stopped buying English muffins because of my brother and I'm so sad," Cat said, eyes wide.

"What do English muffins have to do with your brother?" Robbie asked curiously.

"Oh, well he dips them in the toilet, and then—"

"Cat," Andre broke the news, placing a comforting hand on hers, "Cat, this is not something we want to hear about at lunch."

Cat pouted, sipping her pink smoothie.

"Where's Beck?" Tori asked suddenly, looking around. There were shrugs around the table, Jade muttering "who cares" under her breath. Tori gave Jade a look of confusion, but didn't comment. Jade sighed, smearing cream cheese on her bagel with dazed eyes.

Beck didn't say anything when he did finally show up at the table. He just shook his head noncommittally when Tori asked curiously where he'd been. Jade pretended not to feel the glances he kept casting her way as conversation resumed. She chewed the inside of her cheek and spun the cap to her cranberry juice in a circle with her finger, reliving every word exchanged between them in the janitor's closet not ten minutes earlier.

"…Jade? Jade! _Jade_!" Tori's voice broke into Jade's thoughts.

"_What_?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Of course I did," Jade lied sourly.

"No you didn't," Tori corrected. "I said Robbie looked very handsome today, and you are literally incapable of letting a comment like that go."

"Well maybe she thinks I look handsome today!" Robbie protested indignantly.

"Man, you're dee-loo-sional," Rex said with a shake of his plastic head.

"What are you trying to say, Tori?" Jade snapped, ignoring the boy and his puppet.

"That you're distracted. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Jadey, something's wrong?!" Cat asked worriedly.

"Did no one hear what I just said?" Jade threw her hands up exasperatedly.

"But when you say nothing's wrong normally it's because something's wrong!" Cat said, her eyes welling up.

"Maybe you should just tell them, Jade," Beck said, looking at her encouragingly.

"OMG you two got back together?!" Cat shrieked, all traces of tears disappearing.

"How would that be something wro—" Beck shut his mouth quickly and looked down when he realized what he was about to say.

"_That_," Jade snapped, slapping the table sharply with her palm. "That is _exactly _what I'm talking about. _Mind games_."

"Jade, what happened?" Tori asked.

"Yeah, Jade, who did you murder this time?" Rex asked, chortling. Jade launched herself across the table, but Robbie pulled the ventriloquist dummy out of her reach.

"Robbie! I swear to God I _will_ kill _you_ if that puppet doesn't stop its shit!"

"Rex is not a puppet!"

"Jadey, don't hurt him!"

"Yeah, don't hurt me!"

"Robbie, you might want to hide."

"That's not going to stop her, Andre."

"For once, Vega's right."

"Jade, come on, leave him alone."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" Jade rounded on Beck, rendering Robbie safe (at least for now).

"I was making a suggestion!" Beck defended.

"A stupid one!"

"It's not stupid if it stops you from hurting someone!"

"Oh, so now it comes out. You all think I'm a _criminal_!"

"No one said that!"

"No one had to."

"Jade…." Beck sighed, closing his eyes. Jade sighed too, plopping back down onto the bench.

"So," Tori said, hesitant but apparently undeterred, "back to the original topic. Jade, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Can you please just tell us? We're your friends, we want to help."

"You can't help."

"You don't know that!" Tori protested.

"Okay, _fine_," Jade said. "Do any of you have twenty-five thousand dollars I could have? Because my dad is making me leave Hollywood Arts at the end of the quarter."

The Scooby Gang responded about as Jade expected them to.

"_What_?"

"Holy chiz."

"Noooo, Jaaadey!"

"_Twenty-five_ _thousand dollars_?!"

"That's how much tuition costs, Vega," Jade said impatiently.

"That's _so_ much _money_!" Tori's eyes were wide.

"You didn't know how much it costs to go here?" Andre asked, surprised. Tori shook her head.

"You all pay twenty-five thousand a year?!" she asked.

"I'm here on almost a full scholarship," Beck said.

"I'm on a full scholarship," Andre said.

"I have financial aid," Robbie revealed. Cat nodded — she did too.

"Wait," Tori said. Apparently she couldn't wrap her head around this new information. "That means my parents are paying _fifty thousand dollars a year _for me and Trina?"

"Look at you, doing math," Jade smirked.

"I can't believe you didn't know that," Andre said, chuckling a little at Tori.

"I can't believe how _expensive_ it is here!" Tori exclaimed.

"This is a private high school in Los Angeles. Of course it's going to be fucking expensive!" Jade put in.

"So…. How are you going to pay for it?" Tori asked worriedly.

"I can't."

"Are you on any scholarships?" Robbie asked. Rex was laying on his lap out of sight.

"Yeah, I got the "Triple Threat" scholarship when I was a freshman," Jade said with a shrug. "It's like nine thousand a year."

"You got that?" Andre asked, impressed. Jade nodded.

"Okay, so that leaves sixteen thousand," Robbie calculated (on his PearPad). "Can you pay that?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll just crack open my piggy bank," Jade snipped, glaring. Robbie pursed his lips, looking back to his lunch.

"How did you pay for it when you were living with your mom?" Tori asked.

"Child support checks," Jade said quietly. She kept her eyes on the spinning juice cap.

"And your dad's refusing to pay for school now?" Tori confirmed. Jade nodded.

"I told you — he thinks my dreams are stupid. Actually, the word he used the other day was 'laughable.'"

The boys all looked down at the table while Tori looked at Jade sympathetically and Cat sniffled.

"You can't just _leave_," Cat said softly.

"I don't want to," Jade assured the tearful redhead.

"Then can you tell your dad that?" she asked innocently.

"I… I'll try that, Cat."

The bell rang. Beck's hand caught Jade's shoulder as the group dispersed to class.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I didn't mean it."

"Well I _did_ mean it," Jade declared, removing his hand from her shoulder and, once again, walking away. Once again, he didn't follow.

* * *

Sikowitz approached Jade suddenly where she sat alone in the dark audience of the Black Box during rehearsal. Tori was onstage, stuttering through her lines.

"Jade," he whispered. "Go tell those chuckleheads backstage that I can hear them whispering."

Jade sighed. Under normal circumstances, she would've said _do it yourself, you crazy man_, but in light of the talk they'd had that morning and the weird dynamic between them, she stood. She went the back way, going down the hall to the stage door, which stood ajar in its frame. Just as she reached out to open it, she stopped, listening to frantic whispers just beyond.

"…_know_, Cat. No one wants Jade to leave. But we can't really do anything about it. None of us has that kind of money."

"Can we do a bake sale?"

"I…I don't know how much that would really help…."

"But _Beck_! We have to do something! I mean… She's _Jade_."

"I know. And I love her too. But I don't know what we can really do."

"We can't do nothing."

"We won't do nothing."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," Beck confirmed with a chuckle.

"Good. Pinky promises are better than regular promises, and one time Jade said your promises didn't mean anything."

"Well I'm trying to fix that…." Beck sighed. "She really said that to you?"

"Yeah. And this _other_ time Jade said—"

"What did I say?" Jade interrupted, deciding she'd heard enough. "Actually, I don't care. But hey, listen to what Sikowitz said: _shut up_. We can hear you whispering."

"Sorry!" Cat whispered, eyes wide. Jade smirked somewhat affectionately, retreating back into the hall to return to her spot in the theater.

"Hey wait," Beck whispered, following.

"You'll miss your cue," Jade declared quietly. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Well, with the way Tori's flubbing up today we might not even _get_ to my cue," Beck joked good-naturedly. Jade kept her eyes on the wall behind him.

"What did you want to say to me?" Jade asked a little impatiently. She looked at him. He just stared back, his forehead tensing ever so slightly, apparently trying to fathom the look in her eyes.

"Hm? Oh. I was just wondering…um…n-nothing. Never mind. You're right, I gotta go listen for my cue…."

"Yeah." Jade turned away, the phrase _mind games_ weighing in her mind. She twisted a lock of hair around her finger tightly, pulling at her scalp. Though Cat was the one notorious for emotions as fickle as the weather, but it was Beck who was the thunderstorm.

_I'm packing my bags, 'cause I don't want to be_

_the only one who's drowning in their misery._

* * *

**Sorry to the user Prt, the Bat conversation got moved to this chapter when I was revising. It's just a little snippet, but I hope you enjoyed anyway. Thank you so so much for everyone's reviews, they give me life. For example, the user JandreIsPerfection told me I was the literal god of Jade torture on FanFiction. And seriously I want that on a t-shirt. Or my tombstone.**


	16. Forced to Listen

**16\. Forced to Listen.**

Jade was heading back to sit in the Black Box and watch the end of rehearsal. She was about to turn the corner when Cat stopped her.

"Wait, Jadey!"

"What, Cat?" Jade turned around.

"Come back!" Cat beckoned pleadingly.

Jade sighed and took a few paces back until she was once again at the stage door. Beck was still in the doorway. Cat skipped out the door and bounded to a stop between them.

"Andre just told me we're all going to Tori's tonight after rehearsal, do you guys wanna come?" she asked in an almost-whisper, trying not to disturb the scene that was still on stage.

"Yeah, sure," Beck agreed with his usual shrug. "I'll be there. Jade?"

"No," Jade crossed her arms. "I won't."

"Please, Jadey? You couldn't come on Sunday so you should come this time!" Cat pouted.

"Yeah, come on, Jade."

"Don't speak to me." Jade's glare was harsh enough to send Beck away — or maybe it was the undeniable sincerity in her words. He disappeared into the wings of the stage. "Cat, I don't want to go to Tori's."

"Why not?" Cat cocked her head.

"You wouldn't understand," Jade sighed.

"Why do people always say that to me?" Cat wondered in a murmur, fiddling with the hem of her pink shirt.

"What did you say?" Jade stepped forward, her eyes softening with sympathy.

"People always say that to me. Do people think I'm stupid because I like pink and I giggle a lot?" Cat asked.

"No, of course not."

"'Cause you hate pink and you hardly ever giggle and no one thinks you're stupid."

"No one thinks you're stupid, Cat," Jade rubbed Cat's arm. "They just don't see who you really are. So…so that just proves that you _do_ understand. You get why I don't want to be with Tori and everyone else."

"No," Cat shook her head, "I _don't_ understand. We're your friends and we miss you. Why don't you like us anymore?"

"It's not that. I just…it's…I don't…. _Fine_. I'll come to Tori's for a little while."

"Yay!" Cat clasped her hands together. "I'm so excited!"

"Great."

Tori suddenly appeared — her scene must be over— and stood next to Cat.

"So're you coming tonight?" Tori asked Jade with bright eyes.

"Yes, she is!"

"I'd rather not." In truth, Jade did want to go. She wanted to be loved and included and told she mattered, but she knew she wouldn't find that with the Scooby Gang. She wondered for a moment if she ever did.

"Please? Jade, I know you may not consider us your friends, but we _are_! I promise."

"Oh, you _promise_?"

"Yes."

"Tori, do you know how many people have promised me things?" Jade asked this very calmly. Cat started squirming at her dark-haired friend's voice tone.

"Um…" Tori hesitated. "A lot?"

"Can I go?" Cat interrupted, raising her hand.

"Sure. Leave," Jade shrugged. Cat breathed a little sigh of relief and scurried back into the theater. Jade turned back to Tori.

"No, not a lot of people have promised me things. But the people that _did_ make me promises were the ones I trusted — the ones I expected to _keep_ their promises. Family, friends…"

"Boyfriends?" Tori supplied sadly.

"Yeah," Jade sighed. "Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

"That…you don't want to come tonight?"

"No. Well, yes. _Yes_, I _don't_ want to come tonight, but that's not my point. My point is…I can't trust any of you."

"What? Yes you can!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Give me a reason."

"…huh?" Tori gaped slightly at Jade, her brown eyes wide.

"Give me one reason why I should trust any one of you. I guarantee I will be able to counter with a better reason _not_ to."

"Okay, um… Well, I know you hate me…and Robbie…and, honestly, you have kind of a good reason to not trust Beck…."

"All true. But I'm hearing nothing that's going to get me to hang out with you."

"What about Cat? She's trustworthy!"

Jade shrugged.

"You don't have a good reason not to trust her so you have to come tonight!"

"She can't keep a secret."

"That's not a good reason!" Tori whined.

"It's good enough for me."

"Fine. What about Andre? He's never done anything horrible. Like ever."

"He thought I tried to kill my father."

"Jade," Tori groaned, "will you _please_ come to my house tonight? We miss you."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because the group is…_off_ without you."

Jade stared at Tori suspiciously for a moment, her eyes narrowed.

"Is this some sort of plan to do something well-intentioned but completely idiotic?"

"What? No. It's a plan to hang out with my _friend_."

"Well I'm not your friend, so I won't be there."

"But you told Cat you would!"

"Tell her I got sick."

"So you want me to _lie_ to _Cat_?" Tori looked appalled. "I can't do that!"

"And yet you get all the leading roles," Jade muttered.

"But Cat and I made a cake yesterday afternoon! You can't turn down free cake."

"Fine. I'll come and eat a piece of cake. But then I'm _leaving_."

"If you're going to come eat cake, you might as well sleep over."

"Or not."

"Well, we're going to probably watch a movie or something while we eat the cake, and it'll be dark when the movie's over."

"I like driving in the dark."

"But it's not safe."

"All the better."

"Okay. Let's compromise. You'll come tonight and hang out with us, but you don't have to sleep over."

"Fine," Jade sighed, rolling her eyes.

* * *

It didn't occur to Jade to be nervous until she and Cat were pulling onto Tori's street after rehearsal that evening. They'd taken a detour to stop at Cat's for her "sleepover stuff," so Jade knew everyone else was already inside.

"You know, I think I'm just going to drop you and head home," she said as she parked the car in the Vega's driveway. "I'm tired."

"No you aren't," Cat declared. "You're scared."

"I'm not_ scared_!" Jade nearly shouted. "I'm—"

"You're scared. You're scared that no one wants you here, but _everyone_ wants you here."

"It seems like everyone's perfectly comfortable hanging out without me. I bet I could walk out Tori's door and no one would even care," Jade said pointedly.

"Oh Jadey," Cat cooed with teary eyes. "It was so awful."

"Well, it was pretty bad for me too."

"And then we just kept playing cards and I didn't like cards to begin with but after you left it was so tense and scary…."

"You…you just kept playing cards?" Jade asked, her face falling. She hadn't known that. She'd always just assumed that the get-together had broken up, maybe with someone defending her, after she'd walked out that door (and hadn't been followed).

"Yeah," Cat's voice was even higher than normal. "But no one would say anything and I tried so hard not to cry but then I started crying and I just couldn't stop. And then Beck left and then Andre took Robbie home. I called my mom to pick me up but I'd forgotten she was out with my dad and Andre was supposed to take me home so I had to stay at Tori's until my mom could get me."

"Cat—"

"And Tori was so mad at Trina and they were yelling at each other and I was still crying when my mom picked me up and I knew I should call you but I thought I should wait until I stopped crying but I fell asleep. I was still crying when I woke up the next day. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Cat. Really. None of it was your fault."

An all-too-familiar feeling of emptiness ignited in her ribcage as Cat knocked out a light rhythm on the door. Jade realized she was wearing the same jacket she had on the last time she waited for the door to be opened, and the empty feeling expanded beyond her ribs. It exploded up into her head and down into her toes when Beck answered the door. (A dream come true, just a little too late.) Jade shouldered her way into the house, pretending she didn't smell the combination of shampoo and hair gel and laundry detergent with which she used to fall asleep. She hesitated for a moment when she saw Andre dealing out cards for poker. Were they _trying_ to recreate _that_ night? Stalking toward the table like a runway model, Jade tore her jacket off and tossed it onto one of the orange couches, and took the empty seat next to Andre.

"Deal me in."

_Hold me, 'cause I'm sure I'm hated._

_Promises — they are overrated._

* * *

**Happy Friday! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed - you're all amazing. I was asked two questions: one, how many chapters are in this story? and two, could I post more often? And the answers are: I haven't finished the story yet, but it's shaping up to be 30-35 chapters, and I really can't post more often because I've only written up to chapter 22, and I don't have the wherewithal to write any faster. But the fact that people _want_ me to post more often is so exciting! I'm so happy everyone is enjoying this story. Chapter 17 will be up by Tuesday!**


	17. Back Around

**17\. Back Around.**

Addition is commutative. Four plus three is the same as three plus four. Same goes to multiplication. Sometimes words can be like that, too — two birds in the bush are worth one in the hand; people who throw stones shouldn't live in glass houses, et cetera. Jade decided to spend Wednesday evening living out the motto _if you can't join 'em, beat 'em, _and she had a pile of Skittles in front of her to prove it. With a satisfied smirk, Jade put down her straight flush and raked in another pile of candy currency while Beck bemoaned his full house, Robbie his four of a kind. She popped an orange-flavored candy into her mouth as she looked around the table and saw everyone was broke.

"Well, I guess that's the end of that," Andre commented, looking amazed at the rainbow in front of Jade.

"You guys suck," Jade remarked while she ate a green Skittle. "Like, that wasn't even hard."

"Well sor_ry_," Tori rolled her eyes. "None of us realized this had turned into _Rain Man_."

"Excuse you, this was _Casino Royale_," Jade declared smugly, dropping a purple candy into Cat's outstretched hand. "And I am James Bond."

"Well James Bond, and others, would you like something to eat? We've got cake, obviously, and I think we have some lemonade," Tori stood from the table as Andre gathered up the cards. She opened the fridge. "Yep, we do have lemonade."

"Is it pink?" Beck asked apprehensively.

"Yeah," Tori took the carton out of the refrigerator to show him. "Want some?"

"I am not drinking lemonade that is any color but yellow."

"Why?" Robbie asked, accepting a drink from Tori.

"Because _how is it pink_? Pink lemons don't exist."

"It's flavored with raspberries or strawberries," Jade said like it was obvious. "It's sweeter."

"Really?" Beck's eyes widened.

"Yeah. And pink lemons do exist. It's probably just cheaper to use sugar and food dye."

"No chiz," Andre said in awe, as Tori continued serving the gang. She'd assured Jade that her drink was 'shaken, not stirred.' "Well, you learn something new everyday."

"Would you like some pink lemonade now that you know what makes it pink?" Tori asked Beck with a giggle, holding out a glass.

"I would," Beck received the drink with a nod of thanks and a grin.

"Wait a second…." Cat seemed to be thinking. "If pink lemonade is made with strawberries, then it's basically the same thing as strawberry lemonade, and Beck and Jade are both here, so that means—"

"Cat, if you finish that sentence I'm going to _lose it_," Jade warned. Cat didn't seem to hear.

"But—"

"No!"

"Str—"

"_No_!"

"—Straw-Beck-y Lemon-Jade!"

Jade grabbed the deck of cards Andre was fiddling with and started flicking them rapid-fire at the offending redhead. When all fifty two (plus two jokers) had flown, Cat was hiding behind a pillow on the couch.

"What just happened?" Beck asked, his pink lemonade untouched. "What did Cat say?"

"Straw-Beck-y Lemon-Jade!" A small, muffled voice cried from under the pillow.

"What does that mean?"

"Didn't you see that thing Cat posted on the Slap?" Robbie asked. "She turned us all into fruits, and you were a strawberry and Jade was a lemon. It's actually funny, because Jade is so bitter."

"Okay, and…?"

"And she captioned your guys's fruit faces by saying she hoped you would get back together and be strawberry lemonade," Andre finished.

"_That's_ what you're freaking out about?" Beck asked Jade, caught between disbelief and laughter.

"Yes. It is. I told her I didn't want to hear about it anymore. Don't judge me."

"I'm not judging you."

"Yes, you are! You're being judgmental!"

"Why are you being defensive?"

"I have every right to be defensive!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

"Oh my God," Beck rolled his eyes.

"_You're_ the one who's always—"

Robbie spilled his pink lemonade. The thin liquid seeped across the table.

"Whoops," he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Beck assured him. He ran a hand through his hair. "I… I think I'm gonna head out."

"Don't expect anyone to follow you," Jade muttered into her cup as Beck put on his jacket. He stopped to glare at her.

"Really? _Really_?"

Jade ate a red candy, her eyes daring him to pick a fight.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," he finally sighed. He _almost_ slammed the door on his way out.

"Apparently we're heading out too, since he was our ride…." Andre hurried to the door with his jacket half on, Robbie on his heels. The house was quiet as the girls listened to the car driving away.

"I guess I was wrong. Someone _did _follow him," Jade ran her finger around the rim of her cup of lemonade.

"I'm so sorry, Jade," Tori said quietly, sitting next to her.

"For what?" Jade asked dryly. "You actually didn't do anything, for once."

"Exactly! I should have _done_ something that day. I should have stopped you from walking out that door, or I should've made him go after you or something."

"You know, not everything's about you," Jade's finger was still circling the glass and she was watching it intently.

"I know that, but—"

"I don't think you do," Jade looked up. "Though, honestly, how could you? You've never lived in a world that wasn't _Tori_ _Vega_ _Central_. You can't possibly imagine that something happening _near_ you doesn't _involve_ you."

"But it—"

"But it didn't. Yes, maybe you were some sort of catalyst that brought our inevitable break-up that much closer, but it was just that. Inevitable. If I wasn't such a…such a jealous _gank_, maybe we would've lasted a little longer. But not much longer. Beck was right — we fucked _ourselves_ up. You didn't have much to do with it."

Nobody spoke for a few moments.

"Jadey?" Cat walked over with tears in her eyes. "Can I give you a hug?"

"Sure," Jade sighed, letting the redhead wrap her arms around her. Cat pulled away after a prolonged moment.

"Thank you. Do you want to eat some ice cream?" she asked. Jade shook her head.

"I'm gonna go home."

"You sure?" Tori asked softly. "You're welcome to stay over."

Jade shook her head and stood from the table.

"What about your Skittles?" Cat asked, staring, wonderstruck, at the rainbow candies.

"You eat 'em, Cat. I don't want any more."

"Oh. Okay."

Jade drove herself home in silence without even realizing that the clock was turning to eight. She sat in the dark for a few moments after shutting off her car in the driveway. She felt _done_. She was done with dealing with all of the tired problems that had troubled her for years. Part of her yearned for a change — a clean slate, as Alyssa put it — but another part of her was gripping to the old ways. No matter what happened next, Jade knew she'd have to brace herself for a fight. The thought made her want to wrap herself in blankets and hide away. But she couldn't, so she trudged up the path and through the unlocked front door. She never had dinner, but she couldn't bring herself to eat anything — she wasn't hungry anyway.

As Richard gave her the compulsory speech about coming home past curfew ("You need my permission to stay out late, and you need to learn to respect that!") she simply stood, her fists in her pockets. When her father demanded her car keys, Jade tossed them on the floor at his feet and dragged herself up the stairs to shut herself in her bedroom. Her mouth still tasted like Skittles and too-sweet lemonade as she leafed through the boarding school brochures on her dresser. Five racially-ambiguous students smiled up at her in lab coats and goggles from one school. A girl laughed with her equally modestly-dressed friends from another. Jade didn't even open the pamphlet for the military school — she wasn't exactly a smiley sort of person, but that was too much scowling even for her. She shut off her light and lay in the darkness, wishing, for the first time in her life, that someone would tell her what to do.

* * *

"Jade!" Tori greeted excitedly. She and Cat ran up as Jade stepped out of her car on Thursday morning.

"What?" Jade asked, unimpressed. She sipped her coffee.

"I had the best idea!"

"Yeah? Enlighten me." Jade kept walking toward her locker. Thankfully she'd arrived somewhat early and managed to park relatively close to the school. Jade heaved the door open, letting Tori catch it as she scurried to keep up.

"Your stars!" Cat said once the three of them had entered the building, as if that explained everything.

"What?"

"You know, the stars you had in the box in your room."

"The jewelry?" Jade said finally, translating from Cat-ese. Cat and Tori nodded vigorously.

"You could sell some of it!" Tori exclaimed. She lowered her voice. "You know, to pay for school."

Jade chuckled darkly.

"For once, Vega, you're only _one_ step behind me instead of the usual _three_."

"Oh," Tori fiddled with the clasp of her 'monster purse.' "You'd already thought of that?"

"Yep. On, like, Monday."

"Well, do you think it'll help?"

"I think it'd make a dent," Jade admitted. "But it's not enough — it can't be more than a couple thousand dollars."

"What won't be more than a couple thousand dollars?" Andre asked, butting into the conversation and setting Jade's eyes rolling.

"Are you talking about the new PearBook?" Robbie joined in.

"No, we're talking about—"

"About the price I'm putting on your head," Jade interrupted Tori.

"Who's getting a price on their head?" Beck had joined the group now crowded near Jade's locker.

"Me, apparently," Robbie answered, looking worried. He brightened up though, "But apparently I'm worth a couple thousand dollars!"

"Jade was kidding," Tori assured Beck. "We were talking about—"

"We actually _were_ talking about the PearBook," Jade lied smoothly, drinking more of her coffee.

"Oh, then you heard that it has a _slightly_ better—"

Jade took the opportunity to slip away unnoticed as Robbie started his obligatory babbling about the latest electronics. At least, she thought she was unnoticed, but a familiar beat of footsteps followed her past the vending machine.

"What were you _really_ talking about?" Beck asked as he fell into step with her.

"A hit man."

"I'm being serious."

"Me too. I can't tell you who the target is though, that would ruin everything."

"Come on, you were obviously talking about something important, otherwise you wouldn't've covered it up."

"Assassination is nothing to be joked about."

"And yet here we are."

"I thought I asked you to leave me alone."

"You said I should leave you alone if I wanted you to forget about me."

"Exactly. So _leave_."

"Well, maybe I don't _want—_"

"I don't _care_ what you want," Jade snapped, whipping around to face him. "_I_ want to be left alone, and it's really the least you could do."

"What's the most I could do?" Beck looked sincere, and it made her even more angry.

"Build a time machine, and go back to the day you asked me out and tell me that the bad feeling I had about you was right." Jade used her forearm to shove him out of her way and continued away, tossing her half-full coffee into the trash.

_Don't want to think about it_

_Don't want to talk about it_

_I'm just so sick about it._

* * *

**Thank you for the reviews for last chapter! This one was long, so I'll leave my author's note at that.**


	18. Dumbstruck

**18\. Dumbstruck.**

Jade rested her head on her arms, her wet hair feeling cold against her skin. Tomorrow was Friday, and the weekend couldn't come soon enough. Anything would be better than dragging herself through another day at a school that felt like an alternate universe — everything seemed to have flipped upside down, and no matter what she did, she couldn't seem to make it make sense again.

It was late, after one in the morning. She hadn't gotten anything done, but she was still sitting at her desk, trying to enjoy the silence of the house. She doodled on her textbook, watching the ink seep out of the pen and into the glossy paper. When her phone rang, she jumped.

"Hello?" she answered quickly, keeping her voice low as to not wake her father and Celia.

"Can I come over?" Beck asked.

"What? _No_," Jade said indignantly.

"Oh. Well, I'm in your backyard."

"_What_?" Jade said again. She leapt up from her desk, ripping open her curtains. In the streetlight, she could see him, waving and grinning. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I have a gift for you." There was a slight delay between his mouth moving out on her lawn and his voice coming through her phone. She scowled at him through the window.

"Is it edible?" she asked. His face fell a little.

"No… Not even a little. But will you come out anyway?"

She glared.

"Please?"

"Hold on," she sighed. Hanging up the phone, she zipped up a hoodie, shoved her feet into a pair of cheap black flip-flops, and tiptoed down the stairs. She slid the door open and trotted out to where Beck was waiting for her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she greeted.

"Hi," he said, grinning madly. "I was just…you know…out."

"At one in the morning."

He nodded.

"On a Thursday night."

He nodded again.

"Why?"

"I did something kind of stupid."

"Oh God," Jade pushed her wet hair out of her face. "Did you lie about getting me a present to get me out here to help you bury a body or something?"

"No, I really did get you a present…."

"Okay then," Jade said impatiently, "let's see it."

Beck produced his gift for her from behind his back, holding it out to her between his fingers.

"Tell me this is a replica," Jade demanded, staring at the large blue rectangle in front of her.

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because it's not a replica."

"Beck, you fucking idiot."

He doubled over, in hysterics.

"You have to hang this up in your room," he said, tears of laughter in his eyes. "It'll be hilarious."

"Yeah, super hilarious _until_ _my dad sees it_."

"Just tell him it's a fake you bought downtown or something."

"Right, because I'm sure no one will notice that the sign for _Westwood Boulevard_ has been stolen!"

"It's not like it'll be hard to replace. And you're _West_! Living _west_ of Westwood in a room that faces west. You can't not have this."

Jade bit her lips to keep from smiling, but the longer she looked at the boy in front of her, the harder it was to contain her laughter. Soon they were both in tears, laughing hysterically at the metal sign in Beck's hands.

"You fucking idiot," she said again, shaking her head with a chuckle. "What possessed you to do this?"

He shrugged, leaning his palms against the short edge of the street sign, the other end cutting into the manicured grass.

"No," Jade said. "No _shrugging_. I want a real answer, because this is bizarre, even for you. And I'm trying to be pissed at you."

"Can we hang it in your room?"

"No."

"But I wanna see the inside of your house! I've only ever seen the dining room that one time at that super awkward dinner. And then we can go get tacos or something."

"Tacos? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, let's go get tacos."

"I shouldn't have to be concerned that you're on meth this often."

"I'm not on drugs," he rolled his eyes, still grinning. "I just feel like tacos."

"At one in the morning?" Jade said.

"It's almost two. And you're still up," Beck said as an example.

"Yeah, and I'm probably going to sleep through my alarm."

"Oh, well I'm not going to school tomorrow."

"Why?"

"So Sikowitz can't have rehearsal."

Jade blinked.

"I don't follow," she admitted, tugging her sleeves over her fingers. The cool breeze combined with her wet hair was raising goosebumps on her scalp.

"Well I thought—" Beck paused, frowning, as he looked at her. "Aw, I'm sorry. Look at you, you're shivering."

He reached over her shoulders and pulled up her hood, patting her on the head.

"Go get dressed in something warm and put a hat on and we'll go get tacos and I'll tell you the whole story."

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, looking up at him. His hands were still on her head.

"Come on," she relented. "But if you wake up my father I'll claim you broke in."

He followed as she stalked back to the house and slid the back door shut behind them.

"Wow," he whispered, glancing around in awe.

"Shut up," she hissed. She climbed the stairs with her flip-flops hanging off her fingers and started digging through her dresser when they reached her room.

"At least your room isn't white anymore," he murmured, chuckling. She rolled her eyes at him.

"I had to scare the decorators off on Monday. My father's still trying to get it repainted," she said, stepping into the bathroom with a bunch of clothes in her hand. She pointed at the Westwood sign he was still holding. "Hide that thing somewhere."

Jade shut the bathroom door. She was relatively horrified when she looked at herself in the mirror — the circles under her eyes were as dark as they felt, the rest of her face unbearably pale. She sighed, dragging a pair of pants onto her legs. After shoving her feet into a pair of warm socks, she did her best to cosmetically conceal her tiredness quickly (before Beck got antsy and started looking through her stuff). When she finally reemerged from the bathroom, Beck was sitting on the end of her bed, leaning against the wall, flipping through her copy of the script for Sikowitz's play.

"Ready?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

"I… Do you really want to do this?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"Because it's weird…."

"It's not weird."

"Well what are people going to think?"

"Who cares? And who's going to see us?"

Jade bit her lip, hesitating.

"C'mon," Beck said. "Let's just go get tacos. Friend tacos."

"We're not friends," Jade insisted.

"Okay. _Acquaintance_ tacos, then."

"Acquaintances only go and get tacos when at least one of them wants to be more than acquaintances…."

"Maybe at least one of them does."

"Well maybe at least one of them isn't comfortable with that."

"Jade," Beck sighed. "I'm trying to apologize for being such an asshole to you this past week. And for Sikowitz being such an asshole. And your dad being an asshole, too. So please, come get an apology taco with me."

"An apology taco."

"A _platonic_ apology taco. Which I will pay for."

"…fine."

"Okay. Now are you ready?" he asked. She nodded, not quite sure why she'd agreed to go. "Put a hat on."

"No," she refused.

He rolled his eyes.

"Where'd you put it?" she asked.

"Put what?"

"The sign, you idiot," Jade explained, rolling her eyes and sighing.

"Oh. It's under your bed."

"How clever of you. Fine. Let's go get tacos and you can explain this whole kerfuffle to me."

"Kerfuffle?"

"Yes."

He was still chuckling as they were buckling themselves into his car. He was grinning as she messed with the radio station. He was smiling as the car pulled onto the street.

"So exactly what taco place is still open at two AM?" she asked casually as she pushed the stereo buttons.

"There's gotta be _something_."

Jade didn't respond, instead quietly humming to the radio and watching the lights out the window.

"Are you going to tell me why you stole a street sign yet?" she asked as the song was ending.

"For you."

"Excuse me?"

"I stole the street sign for you."

"And what made you think that was a good idea?"

"Nothing," he paused, craning his neck to look for oncoming traffic before merging onto the street. "Nothing made me think it was a _good_ idea. It was just an _idea_ and I just…_did it_. Not a huge amount of thinking involved, really."

Jade sighed frustratedly.

"Well," she said, "between your insane gift-giving strategy and your random craving for tacos, you've kidnapped me _and_ ruined whatever chance I had of getting any sleep tonight."

"Hey, you didn't _have_ to come," Beck said, shooting her a sidelong grin. "But let's be real: who can resist a midnight taco run?"

"Apparently not me," she laughed. "But I won't be going to school tomorrow. Er, today. _Later_ today."

"Well I already told you I'm not going to school, so we can get pancakes or something."

"And why aren't you going to school again?"

"So Sikowitz can't have rehearsal," he repeated.

"Again I ask _why_?"

"Because you can't make it," he said seriously, looking at her as they pulled up to a red light. "And Sikowitz told you that he would recast you if you missed this rehearsal."

"It doesn't matter," Jade muttered, looking away from his intense gaze. "I'm not even really _in_ the play…."

"It _does_ matter. So I'm not going to school. Because if I don't go to school, then I can't go to rehearsal, and if I don't go to rehearsal then there's really no way Sikowitz can run the show."

"You decided to skip school so Sikowitz wouldn't have to recast Tori's understudy?" Jade said skeptically.

"No," he said, turning a corner. "I decided to skip school so he wouldn't recast _you_."

"Same thing," she mumbled, inwardly thankful no one could see the heat on her cheeks.

"Not really."

"Whatever. I want a tamale."

_Now you've hit a wall and it's not your fault_

_My dear, my dear, my dear_

_Now you've hit a wall and you hit it hard_

_My dear, my dear, oh dear._

* * *

**I've been waiting to post this chapter for, like, ever. It's been hanging out at the end of the document and I basically wrote the first 17 chapters so I could get to it. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed Bade being Bade-y again. Also, I've hit 101 reviews and I can't even describe how insanely happy that makes me feel! I've never gotten that many reviews on _anything_. Thank you so so so much. Happy Friday!**


	19. Just a Detour

**19\. Just A Detour.**

"…and now he's saying he wants to move to Chicago."

"_What_?" Beck paused the video game and looked at her in horror. She rolled her eyes.

"It doesn't matter. Un-pause it."

"Why do you keep saying that things don't matter?"

"Because they don't. You know what does matter? The fact that I'm beating you and I want to continue to do so. Un-pause the game!"

Reluctantly, Beck leaned back into his previous position on the couch and let the game continue. Jade beat him officially within ten seconds of resuming.

"Ha!" Jade snickered triumphantly. "I win."

Beck didn't say anything. He seemed to be lost in thought, watching the _Player 1 wins_ announcement flashing on the screen. Jade threw a balled-up paper napkin leftover from her tamale at him. It bounced off his head, making him glance at her. He chuckled, but his eyes were a little sad.

"What's your problem?" she asked, pretending not to be interested. Beck shook his head — he wasn't going to say.

"You want some coffee?" he asked. "What am I saying, of course you want coffee."

He turned his back on her, fiddling with the coffee machine that took up nearly all of the limited space of the RV's tiny kitchenette. Jade tugged at the fraying drawstring of her hoodie. Of course she'd initially wanted to resist coming to the RV. It was the first time she'd been back, barring a late-night mad dash to grab everything she could confirm she owned. (He was still playing poker while she was breaking down his door.) A few hours ago, with a tamale in a styrofoam container clutched in her hands, she'd followed him in to the familiar space. Pictures had been taken down, and a few new tchotchkes were scattered here and there, but all in all it looked the same as it always did. Jade wasn't sure how to feel about this constancy (and she _really_ wasn't sure that acquaintances were supposed to go to each other's places at three in the morning), but she ignored all those apprehensions for the sake of the coffee Beck was now brewing.

A few minutes of awkward silence later, he was handing her a scalding mug.

"Two sugars," he confirmed with a wistful smile. She nodding her thanks, burning her tongue with the drink just so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Do you…wanna play another round?"

She shrugged, running her thumb along the handle of the cup.

"A movie then. _The Scissoring_?"

She smiled at him almost sadly.

"Only if you want," she responded, looking back to the coffee.

"I do want," Beck decided, jumping up to search for his copy of the DVD. Jade slurped her coffee slowly (her tongue was tingling a little from that first unwise sip) as the familiar opening symphony began.

"I love this music," she murmured, more to herself than Beck.

"You told me once it narrates most of your dreams," he said with a chuckle. "See? I _do_ listen."

He meant it as a joke. He meant for a lighthearted chuckle between two acquaintance-friends. Jade knew he did. She knew it was a joke. Maybe it was due to the nitpicking from her father over the last few weeks, or Sikowitz's increasing insensitivity, or simply the fact that she'd been awake for almost twenty-four hours — whatever the reason, it rubbed her the wrong way.

"Oh, so _that_'s what this was about?!" Jade shouted, slamming her mug onto the table. Hot coffee splashed out and onto Beck's bare feet. "You just wanted to prove to me that the breakup wasn't your fault?!"

"I _what_?"

"I said to you that day — I said that you never listen to me! That day in the closet with Cat when she had all those spoons."

"I remember," he said quietly.

"And now you're trying to prove that you _do_ listen. I heard what you said to Cat — that you're trying to make your promises worth something. You're trying to appease me so I won't badmouth you to any potential girlfriends!"

"That's not at all wha—"

"Whatever," Jade cut him off. A girl was screaming as a pair of scissors were brandished in front of her throat. "Let's just watch the movie."

"Okay," he said.

Jade kept her gaze firmly on the TV screen.

"You know, this was actually one of those times where you _didn't_ have to jump to the worst possible conclusion. I meant what I said to Cat," Beck told her. She could feel his eyes on her.

"Whatever."

* * *

She didn't remember falling asleep, but obviously she did because she was waking up. _The Scissoring_ DVD menu music had been playing on repeat, which basically constituted a lullaby for Jade West. Sitting up on the small couch, she rubbed at the crick in her neck and stretched out her legs, stopping dead when her toes hit something warm. Jade retracted her legs until she was curled into a ball pressed against the arm of the couch. Beck stirred from his position sprawled on the other end of the sofa, his foot dangerously nearing the cold remainder of Jade's coffee from last night (or was it that morning?).

"Hi," Beck whispered hoarsely as he opened his eyes.

"Um… Hi."

"What time is it?"

"No clue."

Jade stayed curled on the couch as Beck groggily reached for his phone. It struck her how uncomfortable she was in the place that used to represent contentment at its finest. Or maybe she was uncomfortable because she actually _felt_ comfortable, but she knew she wasn't supposed to. Or maybe she actually _wasn't_ comfortable, but she expected herself to be comfortable, and _that_ was discomfiting.

It was too early for psychoanalysis.

"Alright. It's almost ten. Do you want breakfast?"

"I want coffee."

"Do you want some breakfast with your coffee?" he laughed.

"I guess," Jade kept her arms firmly wrapped around her knees.

"Okay. How about that waffle place? The one that we found when you finished your play."

"Which play?"

"_Clowns Don't Bounce_, I thought. Yeah, 'cause I think I left for Canada, like, that night."

"I want pancakes. You said last night we could get pancakes."

"I think they serve pancakes there…."

"Really? That's stupid."

"It is, isn't it?"

They both chuckled slightly, which seemed to ease the mounting tension a little bit. Or not.

"So…do you want the bathroom first or…?" Beck asked awkwardly.

"Um…no, you go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've got a mirror in my bag, I'll be fine."

"Oh. Um. Okay. I think I'm going to take a shower…because, you know, I didn't last night…since I was initiating my life of crime."

"Right. Apology crimes."

"It was an okay apology though, right?" Beck asked. With his bed-head and nervous eyes, he looked like Beck Oliver Twist as he eagerly awaited her response.

"It'll do," Jade replied, unable to help the little smile on her face. As soon as he was out of sight though, she remembered that she was supposed to be mad. For someone with such a talent for loathing, it shouldn't have been so difficult for her to hate him.

* * *

"So whaddya want to do today? We could go egg Sikowitz's house."

Jade perked up at that, looking at Beck hopefully across the table in the restaurant in which they were the youngest patrons (by a good forty years).

"I was kidding," Beck said before she could get any ideas.

"Aw," Jade started tearing up the wrappers from the two sugars she'd put in her coffee with a pout.

"Maybe there's something wrong with him. Sikowitz, I mean."

"_Maybe_?"

"I mean, more wrong-er than usual."

"More wrong-er."

"You know what I mean," Beck said, trying to look exasperated but grinning instead. "Remember when he got all weird after Tori made us see that play? Maybe something like that happened."

"All I remember is Vega trying to give him a rabbit and us text-fighting…."

There was a moment of thoughtful silence between them.

"_What was that about_?" Beck and Jade asked each other at the same time before dissolving into a communal fit of laughter.

"I can't believe we don't remember what that fight was about," Beck chuckled. "It's like a frickin' Shakespeare feud."

"You are _not_ comparing us to Romeo and Juliet."

"No! No, I'm comparing us to…Tybalt and Mercutio."

"And presumably I'm Tybalt since he kills Mercutio."

"Presumably," Beck agreed, trying to contain his grin. "But then Romeo kills Tybalt so we're even — we both get murdered."

"Maybe sooner than you think," Jade narrowed her eyes sinisterly.

"Do you think they serve _real_ maple syrup here?" Beck turned his gaze to the laminated menu in front of him in mock nervousness.

"Probably not," Jade responded, confirming every Canadian's worst nightmare. "You'll have to run home and raid your secret stash."

"No one's supposed to know about that!" he whispered frantically. She just winked, then wished she hadn't.

_It's so hard to let you in,_

_Thinking you might slam the brakes again._

* * *

**A little something for your Monday. I don't think Canadians actually keep a secret stash of maple syrup, but they probably do. I'm from New England and I do. Aunt Jemima's is an abomination. Also, yes, you are correct. I _did_ use an old Hilary Duff song for the quote/chapter title. I'm on a nostalgic pop music kick apparently. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	20. The Thousand Miles Between Us

**20\. The Thousand Miles Between Us.**

It was after noon when they were back in Beck's car, full of pancakes (sadly without real maple syrup) and with two coffees to-go.

"So, how many texts from Cat do you have asking where you are?" Beck asked, chuckling as he checked his PearPhone. "I have twelve."

"I have twenty-three," Jade answered smugly. "And four from Tori and one from Andre."

"I have three from Andre, seven from Robbie, two from Rex — both extremely offensive— and…." Beck frowned slightly. "None from Tori."

"That's weird," Jade mirrored his frown, trying to ignore the part of her that felt inexplicably relieved.

"You know, she's been sending me a suspiciously _small_ amount of texts lately," Beck admitted as he started the car.

"Maybe she finally realized how annoying you are," the dark-haired girl smirked.

"It seems like she would've figured that out a couple of years ago."

"She never was the sharpest knife in the drawer," Jade shrugged.

"I feel horrible saying this, but _true_. Also, I've realized that I'm pulling out of the parking lot with no idea where we're going."

"I don't really care," Jade said, swirling the coffee in her styrofoam cup. "I just have to be home by three."

"I mean, I can take you home _now_, if you want…."

"Nope!" Jade protested immediately. "My dad's still working from home, he'll literally turn me into a leather chair if he finds out I skipped school."

"How're you going to explain your car in the driveway…?"

"I'll say a friend took me. To save the environment."

"Your dad cares about the environment?" he laughed.

"No, but Celia does. Or," Jade amended, "she claims to."

"Ah."

"Ooh," Jade said suddenly, sitting up a little straighter. "I just had an idea. How opposed would you be to breaking into my house?"

"Well, you know me. I'm a master criminal. Why?"

"Just help me get in and out without my dad finding out and I'll explain."

"Okay," Beck shrugged.

When they arrived at the West house, Jade was relieved to see that Celia's Mercedes was not in the driveway. She directed Beck to park just up the street and sat in thoughtful silence for a moment.

"Well?" Beck said finally. Jade reached into the center console and produced Beck's phone. It didn't strike her until after she'd started dialing a number that he hadn't changed his passcode from _5233_.

"I want you to call this number," Jade explained, holding out the phone, "and try to sell something."

"Anything in particular?"

"Something realistic."

"Cars? Boats? Vacations?"

"Watches, maybe?"

"I know nothing about watches."

"Hm," Jade darted her eyes around thoughtfully, seeking inspiration. "Know anything about jewelry?"

"Probably more than I do about watches," Beck admitted. Instinctively, Jade reached up to fiddle with her promise ring necklace, but it wasn't there anymore. _Oh, right. Broken promises._

"Okay, call him. Talk about jewelry. Diamonds. Rare, pricey stuff."

"Got it. Any accent in particular?"

"Australian."

"Sure thing, mate!"

Jade rolled her eyes, opening the car door.

"Wait," Beck stopped her before she slammed the passenger side. "Why aren't I just asking for legal advice?"

"Because he'll bill you, you nimrod. Now, if I get caught, I'll text you and you get the hell out of here."

"…okay."

"I'll be back in five. Hopefully. Just keep him talking."

As Beck called the number Jade had dialed into his phone, Jade jogged along the street and slipped into her own backyard. She hugged the edge of the property, slinking to the back door. She peered in through the glass door, cupping her hands around her eyes. The coast was clear, so she pulled her key out and jammed it into the lock. The lock twisted open easily enough, but when it came to taking the key back, Jade was thoroughly stymied. She yanked on it, cursing incoherently under her breath, but it would not come out. A movement inside the house suddenly made her stop. Leaving her keychain swinging beneath the lock, Jade pressed her back against the wall. She could hear her father's voice inside the house, along with his crutch clicking against the floor every time he took a step.

"…much is that necklace you were mentioning…?" he was saying. His voice trailed off though as he moved out of earshot.

Jade peeked into the glass quickly to see if he was really gone. Apparently he was, so, with one final pull, she got the key free of the lock. She slid the door open as little as possible before slipping inside and closing it. She ducked behind a chair as she heard her father approaching, still discussing that certain necklace. He hobbled up the stairs with surprising speed, and Jade darted to the bottom step, staying crouched low to the floor. She heard a door close on the floor above, and took the stairs three at a time. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her bedroom door open, and panic vibrated all through her as she smelled the familiar fumes. Paint. She crept to her room and opened the door apprehensively. The fumes were only stronger in her bedroom, which had been turned back into a hospital cell. The walls were once again white — not even a tinge of the color she'd chosen showed through. But worst of all, the walls were bare. All of her posters, paintings, butterflies, and scissors had been unceremoniously dumped into a cluster of boxes at the foot of her bed. She tiptoed slowly to her treasures, tears pricking in her eyes as she saw a large rip in her limited edition poster from _the Scissoring _premiere.

Jade took a deep breath in an attempt to banish the tears from her eyes and the lump from her throat. She snatched the box Cat had marked with an asterisk from the back of her closet and snuck back downstairs. She made considerably more noise getting out of the house than she had getting in, but she couldn't bring herself to care as she shut the back door and headed back toward Beck's car. He was waiting for her anxiously, no longer on the phone.

"Well, your father now owes fourteen-hundred dollars to the Made East jewelry company, and I owe him an emerald necklace. Get what you needed?" he asked, leaning to his right to open the passenger door for her. She just nodded, slipping into the car with the cardboard box on her lap.

"Made East?" Jade asked, confused enough to speak, despite the tears that seemed to always be threatening her eyeliner.

"Yeah. Like Jade West, but East. And Made. What's in the box?"

"Stuff."

"Stuff," Beck repeated.

"I'm going to sell it."

"Oh," that seemed to make more sense, "okay. Where to?"

"Um," Jade rubbed her forehead, "there's a place downtown that I think'll buy it for a pretty good price."

"Alright," Beck paused. "Jade, did something just happen…?"

Jade shook her head obstinately, the tears coming back again.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, holding her breath.

"You can talk to me, you know."

She didn't move.

"Okay. What's the address?"

She punched it into his phone and then let the car fall quiet as the GPS voice started ordering them around. Jade didn't break her silence until the two of them were walking to the pawn shop from the parking garage — Beck being the gentleman by holding the cardboard box for her.

"Why weren't there any Northridge girls outside your place this morning?" she asked.

"Don't know," Beck laughed. "They _are_ predator animals — maybe they could smell you."

"Gee thanks."

"You know what I mean. But I actually have no clue. It's a nice change though."

"Of course it is. No one likes them."

"Their parents must like them."  
"Doubt it."

"Ouch," Beck tried not to smile. "Really though, that'd be a sad life."

"What, being a Northridge girl?"

"Yeah. I mean, can you imagine being in a horde of girls chasing after one guy who doesn't even care?"

"Yes," Jade admitted bluntly.

"Who?"

"What do you mean _who_?"

"Well, it couldn't've been me. You didn't chase me. And I care. So that's the opposite of what I was saying about Northridge girls."

"Gimme that," Jade snatched the cardboard box from his hands, letting the sharp corners poke against her stomach in order to avoid answering. A sign announcing _we buy jewelry_ caught her eye, and she nodded sharply in that direction. "There's the place."

* * *

"_What_?" Jade shrieked, slamming her palms down on the glass counter that separated her from the pawn broker. "That's bullshit."

"Two thousand dollars is as high as I'll go," the man insisted.

"This stuff is brand new, never-been-worn, and it's worth at _least_ five thousand!"

"…Twenty-five hundred. Take it or leave it."

Jade looked at the assortment of blue boxes scattered on the counter. She glanced at Beck, who was hovering with his arms crossed at her left shoulder.

"Fine," she said finally. "I'll take it."

"Fine." The pawn broker wrote out the ticket and handed it to Jade with the cash. She shoved it all into her purse and stalked out the door with Beck following close behind.

"What a jerk," Jade mumbled.

"You didn't have to take it," Beck commented hesitantly.

"All the stuff online said this place gave good prices, and I need this money _now_. The deadline for tuition payments for the semester is coming up, and I'm still six thousand dollars short," Jade complained, slamming the passenger door shut and making Beck's car rattle. "Maybe this is a lost cause."

"What?"

"There's…." Jade sighed. "There's this one school that my dad likes, and…it doesn't look that bad. I mean, there's no theater department or anything, but it's not awful."

"And you think you'd be happy there?" Beck was still clutching his car keys in his hand as he sat in the driver's seat.

"Sure," Jade shrugged. "I'd live. Anything'd be a step up from here."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Can you take me home now?"

"Can I ask you something first?" When Jade nodded, he took a breath and bit the inside of his cheek. "Do you… Do you think we made the right choice? Breaking up, I mean…. Like, do you ever think we made a mistake?"

Jade wasn't quite sure she was ready to answer that.

"Do you?" she asked instead.

"Yeah," Beck admitted, looking down. "Sometimes."

"But not all the time."

"Jade," Beck sighed exasperatedly. She didn't say anything. "Do you… Do you think we should try again?"

Jade pressed her lips together as she let those words roll around her head. She wondered if it would make her happy to be with him again — she wondered if he was worth the risk. She wasn't sure anymore. So she counted to ten (remembering three) and sighed.

_Did we make the right move?_

_I only want the world for you._

_So many things we may have to let go._

* * *

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Your reviews are what keeps me going with this story, so please keep them up. I'm so glad everyone seems to be enjoying this story. As always, any requests that you have are welcome, and I'll try to fit some of them in! Also, I just wanted to highly recommend the song that I used for this chapter. It's called "Thousand Mile Race" by A Silent Film, and it will give you Bade feels.**


	21. Shirts, Ties, and Marriages

**21\. Shirts, Ties, and Marriages.**

Of course she'd thought about it, getting back together with Beck. For the first few weeks after the breakup, when she still thought it was temporary, she constantly imagined all of the scenarios that could reunite them. But at the same time, she realized he wasn't going to be begging on his knees for her and she wasn't going to be the one to swallow her pride and ask him to. What she wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be (before Tori came to HA), but she knew it wasn't possible. So—

"No."

"Oh," Beck said. His eyes were a mix of shock and disappointment and sadness that Jade had never seen before. Part of her wanted to say _no never mind we can try again I'm sorry_, but another part didn't let her move. All of her was tired of being split down the middle.

"Can…can I ask _why_?" Beck ventured tentatively.

"We didn't work," Jade said with a shrug, staring out the windshield at the cement walls of the parking structure.

"We did," Beck insisted. "We just…hit a rough patch."

"No, I mean, we didn't _work_. We didn't try and fix the things that bothered us, we just glossed them over or pushed them aside so we wouldn't have to think about it. Nothing ever changed."

"You're right," Beck said quietly, running his hands across his face and through his hair. "You're right."

"I don't want to go through all that again."

"You wouldn't," he declared. "But I get why you don't want to risk it."

"Thanks," Jade whispered. She blinked harshly and picked at her nails.

"If…if you change your mind…just let me know. Okay?"

"Sure," Jade chuckled sadly. "But I guarantee you'll change your mind before I do."

"Doubt it."

They didn't speak again until Beck was putting the car in park in front of Jade's house.

"Bye," Jade said unceremoniously, unlocking the car door.

"Wait," Beck grabbed her arm. "I'm serious. If you change your mind about…you know, _us_…just…give me a sign."

"Well, _when_ you change _your_ mind, give _me_ a sign."

"Deal. I'll…see you later, then?"

Jade nodded with half a smile and got out of the car. With a sigh she trudged back to her freshly-painted bedroom, where the smell of the thick white paint made her head ache. She tossed her jacket and the purse full of cash onto her bed and knelt at the cardboard box that was taunting her from the floor. Ever so gently, she eased the ripped poster from _The Scissoring_ from underneath a pile of framed butterflies, whimpering when the tear grew slightly bigger. The poster was nearly in half when she finally got it free. Carefully, Jade lay the poster over her pillow. She didn't think duct tape could fix this one. Back at the box, Jade took stock of the damage. A butterfly frame was cracked and a pair of scissors was bent, but it was the poster that took the brunt of the assault. Oh well. Who needs an irreplaceable memento from the premiere of her favorite movie anyway?

"Jade?" Richard's voice was accompanied by knocking on the door.

"What?" Jade tore open the door. The paint still smelled.

"Be sure you're dressed by five thirty. My guests will be arriving at six o'clock."

"Well, you only gave me a three hour's notice. I'm not sure I'll be ready in time."

"Don't be fresh with me."

"I'll be fresh with whoever I damn well please," Jade replied coolly.

"Five thirty," Richard repeated. "Respectable and _well-behaved_."

"Whatever."

Jade knew her father wanted her tattoo covered for the night, but the more she inhaled the paint fumes in her bedroom, the less she was inclined to conceal it. She'd probably regret it, but at five fifteen that night, Jade shimmied into a short-sleeved black dress and put purple streaks in her hair. She took her time applying makeup and doing her hair, and slipped down the stairs to stand next to Celia just in time for the first guests to arrive. Jade could let her father pretend for an evening that they were a happy little family, but she wasn't about to let these people think she was a part of it.

The first guests to walk through the door were Mr and Mrs Blah-blah, a husband and wife about Richard's age. Their widened eyes did not escape Jade as she smiled (grimaced) politely and shook their hands. Richard took their coats and asked Jade to take them into the living room and offer them something to drink. Jade led them to the immaculate lounge and simply pointed at the large ice bucket full of drinks by the door. She tried to escape being alone with them, but Mrs Blah-blah had other plans.

"So your name is Jade, dear?" the woman was asking. Her voice held that sort of tight graciousness that made Jade want to cringe.

"Yes," she answered, forcing her cringe to become a smile. "That's my name."

"And how old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Where do you go to school?"

"Hollywood Arts."

"Oh," Mrs Blah-blah's polite smile failed. "So are you an…actress?"

"Among other things."

"Mm. You had a cousin who was an actor, didn't you dear?" she asked her husband. "What ever happened to him?"

"Wendell," Mr Blah-blah's voice was stuffy. "Last I heard he was living in a slum in New York City. Though, really, what actor isn't?"

"Everyone in Hollywood," Jade muttered as the Blah-blahs chuckled together, and Jade decided she'd rather be with her father than alone in the living room with those two. Back out in the entryway, she was introduced to Mr So-and-so and his wife. They were younger than Jade's dad, which is probably why they didn't seem too horribly shocked at Jade's appearance. She thought the So-and-sos consummated the guest list, but the doorbell rang one more time as Richard began ushering everyone into the living room for a drink. Celia went to answer the door as Richard mixed drinks from behind the bar and Jade crossed her arms on the couch.

"Mr Vaughn!" Richard greeted as Celia led one more man into the room. Jade's eyebrows shot up while her father shook Mr Vaughn's hand. "Mr Vaughn, I think you know most of our guests. This, of course, is my wife Celia, and that is my daughter Jade."

Jade smiled slightly at Alyssa Vaughn's father, but didn't move from her place on the couch.

"It's a pleasure to see you all," Mr Vaughn said. Richard served Mr Vaughn his drink first, then finished everyone else's orders. The adults shared stories from work, the heartiest laughter sounding after Mr Vaughn recounted one of his stupider interns. Jade couldn't help but feel sorry for Vaughn's trainee, even if she herself had screamed about many a cup of spilled coffee.

Dinner itself was a similar affair. Jade sat between her father and Mrs Blah-blah, who happened to be left-handed. Mrs B elbowed Jade's arm at least nine hundred times, and didn't apologize once. When Mart and his team of caterers removed the last of the dishes, Jade was ready to bolt from the dining room, but none of the adults around her moved. They chatted for another half hour before returning to the living room for another round of drinks. Mr Vaughn was describing yet another instance of intern torture when Jade decided she was thirsty. She wandered to the ice bin to get another soda (which was really just sparkling fruit juice). As she unscrewed the lid of the glass bottle she heard a noise from the nearby kitchen — a giggle. Eyebrows lowered, Jade peeked around the corner. Mrs So-and-so was perched on the marble island, a glass of red wine delicately gripped in her fingers. Richard had his hands on her waist and his lips against her neck. She giggled once more, her free hand tangled in his hair. Jade cleared her throat roughly. Mrs So-and-so gasped like a victim in a horror film. The wine glass fell to the counter but did not break as the red liquid started dripping to the floor. Simultaneously Richard leapt back and turned his back on Jade, facing the window and the darkened street outside.

"Natalia," he said stiffly, "go join the others in the living room."

Mrs So-and-so scurried nervously past Jade, who was shaking with fury in the doorway.

"What are you _doing_?" Jade asked through gritted teeth, her knuckles white around the soda bottle.

"Cleaning up the mess you made," Richard responded. Indeed he was mopping up the spilled wine with a white cloth napkin.

"The mess _I_ made?"

"Yes. If you hadn't startled her, Natalia wouldn't have dropped her glass."

"If you hadn't been cheating on your wife with her, I wouldn't've startled her!"

"This is none of your business, Jade. You're a child, you don't understand."

"You're right," Jade stepped forward and slammed her soda down on the counter, the fizzy orange liquid adding to the mess. "I _don't_ understand. I don't understand how you could do this _again_! Does this mean you're moving on to wife number three?"

"No. It does not," Richard paused. "Which means you don't need to tell Celia about this."

"You're unbelievable," Jade shook her head in disbelief. "That won't work on me anymore. It may have when I was fourteen, but I'm telling this time."

"You don't need to do that."

"Yes, I do."

"Alright," Richard looked at her coldly. "What do you want?"

"What?" Jade faltered.

"What do you want? A car, a shopping spree? What do you want?"

"I don't w—" Jade stopped. There _was_ something she wanted. "I want to stay at Hollywood Arts."

"Absolutely not."

"You asked me what I want. I want you to pay for my school."

"No!"

"Then I'm telling Celia what I saw tonight."

"You don't know what you saw."

"I know exactly what I saw — and there's no point denying it since you've already offered me hush money."

Richard threw the napkin, now soaked in red wine, into the sink.

"I'll think about it," he declared, his voice tight.

"Better not take too long," Jade said.

"You're despicable," Richard growled.

"I wonder who made me that way."

_I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand._

_I'm not afraid of God,_

_I am afraid of man._

* * *

**Okay. I know you're all mad at me. I know you all wanted me to get Bade back together, and stop making Jade's life a living hell. And another apology: I am _way_ behind on this story. Like, I don't even have Chapter 22 finished. So, it's possible that I won't update this Saturday... However, I don't have classes this week, and I'm sitting down to write right this second, so I'll try and get some shit done! Cross your fingers (and encourage me). Thanks for reading.**


	22. Always Picking Fights

**22\. Always Picking Fights.**

As always, Jade wasn't quite sure what to do after such a fight with her father. She slammed the door to her room and paced angrily around the space for a few moments, but her fury started fading. She snatched the PearPhone from her bedside table and redialed the last person who called. Her fingers were shaking.

"Hello?" Beck answered after two rings.

"Was I _Hitler_ in a past life or something?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, I know I'm not the nicest person on the planet, but what could I possibly have done to deserve such idiot parents?"

"What happened?"

"Ugh," Jade flopped backward onto her bed. "My dad invited a bunch of people over for dinner, and _made_ me come too. One of the guys he invited brought his wife, and I caught him _making out with her in the kitchen_!"

"…you think you were Hitler in a past life because you walked in on a guy making out with his wife…?"

"_No_, I walked in on my _dad_ making out with the guy's wife!"

"Oh." Jade heard the TV shut off in the background.

"Yeah. And then he asked me not to tell Celia! How could he do this _again_?!"

"I don't —wait, 'again?'"

"Yeah. This is exactly what happened before he divorced my mom. I figured out he was cheating, and he convinced me not to tell."

"Oh my God. Why didn't you tell me that?"

"'Cause," Jade shrugged, though he couldn't see. It was a weak excuse.

"'Cause _why_? I could've helped you!"

"You would've made me tell, and my mom would've hated me."

"She wouldn't have hated you," Beck's voice softened. "She would've known it wasn't your fault. She loves you."

"Yeah, she loves me so much she forced me to live with my dad," Jade rubbed her eyes, smudging her makeup. "Can we not talk about this?"

"Sure. Have…have you thought about what I said earlier?"

"I haven't changed my mind."

"That's okay," Beck assured hurriedly. "I'm not pressuring you. Really. I was just wondering — and don't jump to conclusions—but I was wondering if we should keep that between us."

Jade didn't say anything.

"You're jumping to conclusions," Beck said with a sigh.

"No, I'm just getting angry. So explain to me why I _shouldn't_ be jumping to the conclusion that you wanted us to be a dirty little secret when we're not even together."

"That's not at all what I meant and you know it. You might even _like_ what I meant."

"Then fucking explain it!"

"I think we should keep this between ourselves," Beck began calmly, "because of Tori."

"_What_? Becau—"

"Let me finish!" Beck interrupted. "If Tori got an inkling of the idea of us getting back together—"

"We aren't."

"I _know_ that. But if Tori found out, she'd launch into some scheme to try and _fix_ us or something. And, let's face it, we'd probably both end up injured. Plus she'll involve Cat, and I think we both agree that she should stay out of all of this."

"Yeah," Jade sighed. "That actually makes a lot of sense."

"Good." There was a pause. "So, what are you going to do about your dad?"

"I'll probably end up telling Celia," Jade admitted, "and causing another divorce."

"You've never caused a divorce."

"Right. But I told him the only thing that would keep me from telling is if he paid for me to stay at HA."

"Damn," Beck chuckled. "That's clever."

"Not clever enough. He won't go for it."

"You never know."

"I guess he could surprise me," Jade watched taillights drive away from the window as the party downstairs broke up, "but he never has before."

"Well, there's nothing you can do about it now," Beck reasoned. "So maybe you should just try and get some sleep."

"Yeah," Jade agreed, sighing. "I guess I'll…see you Monday."

"Yeah. You know you can call me…if you need anything. Or just to talk…or anything."

"I know," Jade sighed again. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. After tossing her PearPhone aside, she stripped off the black dress and scrubbed off the dark makeup making rings around her eyes. She sat in a ball on her bed, her arms wrapped around her pajama-clad legs, and observed the room. The torn poster was lying pitifully on the dresser. Jade tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at a specific expanse of wall just to the side of the door. Determined, she dove off the bed and toward her closet, tearing open the doors and hunting for the cardboard box marked _Tools_. She sent the plastic container of nails and her hammer skating toward the other end of the room, then slid on her knees to the bed. She fumbled around under the bed, eventually dragging out the Westwood sign. Not caring about the amount of noise she was making, Jade hammered the sign into the wall. Once it was hanging straight she stood back, satisfied. As she was climbing into bed, her foot touched something soft. She reached down and picked up the flannel shirt she'd thrown under her bed. It must have gotten caught when she pulled the street sign out. Reasoning with herself that it was cold, and it was perfectly acceptable to wear flannel when it was cold, she nestled into bed with the collar of the shirt against her face.

Even though it was her phone ringing that made her surface, Jade found herself _not_ annoyed on Saturday morning. It must have been the shirt — she'd always slept better when she was warm. It had nothing to do with where the shirt came from or how it smelled. Jade squinted her eyes at the number on her phone. She didn't recognize it, but the area code was from nearby.

"Hello?" she answered, trying not to let the sleepiness into her voice. It _was_ nearly noon.

"Jade?" a girly voice questioned on the line.

"Who is this?"

"It's Alyssa!"

"How'd you get my number?" Jade rubbed her eyes, sitting up.

"You gave it to me."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did!" Alyssa was a bad liar.

"No. I didn't."

"Okay fine," Alyssa relented, "I asked Beck for it."

"Great," Jade rolled her eyes. Her ex-boyfriend talking about her to the cause of one of their breakups. Excellent. Jade had always wanted to live in a soap opera.

"Anyway," Alyssa pushed on cautiously, "I called you twice this morning after I heard what happened last night, but you didn't answer."

"What happened last night…?" Jade was suddenly awake. Her heart rate suddenly skyrocketed, and she held her hand over her chest. Her mind darted to every horrible scenario she could think of. She saw Cat in tears, she saw Beck broken and bruised, she saw Tori flattened by a steamroller. That last one actually calmed her down a bit.

"Oh, I meant that my dad was over at your place last night. He mentioned it when he came home and I just wanted to see how that went."

"What makes you think I was there?" Jade snipped, feeling a little annoyed that a comment like that could scare her so easily.

"My dad mentioned 'Richard's daughter Jade' and I assumed he meant you."

"Oh. Yeah. That was me. But it was just a stupid dinner party, why would you care?"

"I was just hoping my dad didn't say anything too terrible. He can be pretty judgmental, and I know you're going through a lot right now."

"I'm not 'going through a lot right now!'" Jade protested. (God forbid she show feelings.) "And the dinner was a total bore. All he talked about was interns he spilled coffee on, so he didn't spill any of your secrets, if that's what you're thinking."

"No, I was just—"

"What? You were just _what_?" Jade wanted to know.

"I was worried about you. You may think it's some big secret, but it's pretty obvious to anyone with a heart that you're in pain."

"Then how on earth did _you_ notice it?" Jade sneered. There was a moment of silence on the line that almost made her regret it.

"Did…did you just call me heartless?" Alyssa asked. Her voice wasn't hurt, or offended, or even angry. No, Jade could hear the worst possible emotion in the Alyssa Vaughn's voice — pity.

"Yes," Jade confirmed harshly. "I did. If you had any heart at all, you'd leave me alone. That's all I want. To be left alone! I'm not your _charity case_."

"I never saw you as—"

"Yes you did," Jade scoffed. "You saw me as a troubled kid who you could take under your wing. 'Cause how great would that look? You talked Richard West's daughter down off the ledge, and now the Vaughn Corporation has a new defense attorney for their lawsuits! Hooray!"

There was a pause. Then—

"Goodbye Jade."

And the line went dead.

_You might think I'm one thing, but I am another._

_You can't call my bluff,_

_Time to back up, motherfucker._

* * *

**Phew. I did it. I updated today! I haven't finished chapter 23, but I have about two chapters without numbers written after that. Okay. Thanks.**


	23. A Shadow on My Mind

**23\. A Shadow on My Mind.**

Jade looked out the window only to find the driveway void of her father's car. She crept down the stairs still in her pajamas and clutching her phone. The house was disturbingly quiet. Jade wandered into the kitchen to find a note and an envelope on the counter that had been covered in spilled wine just last night. Frowning, Jade picked up the note. _Gone for the weekend. Left money for food. Will return Sunday evening. _Sure enough, the unsealed envelope was filled with twenty dollar bills. Jade crumpled up the note and tossed it aside, fishing through the envelope and calculating the shopping she could do if she ate nothing but cereal for the weekend. But as she passed through the foyer to head back upstairs to dress, something caught her eye. Her car keys weren't hanging on the hook. He'd trapped her here. Richard had taken off with Celia for the weekend and trapped Jade in the house. He got to punish his daughter without risk of being exposed for two whole days. Plenty of time for him to think up an alternative plan — without doubt they'd be unreachable for the weekend.

Jade shook her head angrily, squeezing her PearPhone until it hurt. When the device started buzzing in her hand, she jumped (inanimate objects never fought back before). A picture of a certain artificial redhead appeared as the phone vibrated.

"Hi Cat."

"OMG! Jadey! You're right, it's me!"

"Wow, it's almost like I knew who was calling," Jade remarked in her Valley Girl voice. Cat giggled herself halfway into hysterics. "Why are you calling, Cat?"

"Oh, I wanted to hang out! And I'm so glad I called, you're so funny," Cat kept giggling. Jade couldn't help the smile that graced her face for a moment.

"You wanna sleep over tonight?" she asked. "My dad's out for the weekend, so we can do whatever."

"Okay! Yay!" Cat squealed. "Oh Jadey I'm so excited we're going to have so much fun!"

"Have your mom drop you off whenever," Jade instructed. "I am officially refusing to get out of my pajamas."

"Okay. I'll get into my jammies too and we can have a pajama day!"

"Text me when you're leaving and I'll order pizza."

"KK!" Cat started cheering and squealing all over again. Jade lost the battle to another smile as she hung up.

* * *

"I'm sad you're not going to be in the play," Cat sighed. She was sitting on Jade's bed, surrounded by mounds of pillows and blankets, reading the script for Sikowitz's show. The one and only performance was approaching quickly, less than a week away.

Jade shrugged as she adjusted a frame she was hanging on the wall. She stood back to admire her work — most of her butterflies, paintings, and scissors were back hanging on the walls. The only true casualty of the unauthorized repaint was the _Scissoring_ poster, which was beyond repair on her dresser. (Cat nearly cried when Jade explained the carnage).

"I don't know why Sikowitz is being such a meanie," Cat remarked, tossing the script on Jade's desk. "You're so much better than Tori."

"What?" Jade looked at Cat, surprised.

"Well you _are_!"

"Clearly we're the only two people that think that," Jade turned back to the wall.

"No, Beck agreed with me."

"Oh," Jade stayed impassive. She tore a piece of pizza crust off with her teeth.

"Yeah," Cat continued, spreading the blankets out over the floor next to the bed. "Beck thinks Sikowitz is upset about something and is taking it out on you. _I_ think Sikowitz is like this one boy I met when I was visiting a doctor with my brother. He was really mean me, and the doctor said he was mean to people who dyed their hair bright colors because someone with dyed hair tried to hurt him or something when he was little. So maybe Sikowitz is being mean to you because you remind him of something."

Jade's eyebrows hit her hairline.

"Whatty?"

"Nothing! That was just…really…insightful."

"Well, I've been thinking about it for awhile," Cat shrugged. "It makes me sad when people are mean to you."

"Well, it makes me sad too," Jade admitted, plopping down on the bed next to the redhead. Cat sighed, patting Jade on the head as if it was comforting.

"It makes Beck sad too. He always sighs when Sikowitz says things that are mean and then he's grumpy for the rest of the day."

"Can that be, like, a taboo word for the night?" Jade asked irritatedly.

"What, 'grumpy?'"

"No, _Beck_. I don't want to talk about him."

"Oh okay."

"He asked me out on Friday."

"Who?"

"Beck."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about him."

"I don't!"

"Then why—"

"_I don't know_!" Jade squeezed her eyes shut.

"What did you say to him?" Cat asked.

"I told him no."

"So you don't like him anymore?"

"I…I don't know," Jade picked at her nails, making sharp clicking sounds. "I…I guess I like the _idea_ of him. But the reality wasn't really…" She shrugged, trailing off.

Cat sniffed, tears shining in her wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jade comforted immediately. "I shouldn't've said anything. He and I agreed that we'd keep it between us 'cause we didn't want to upset you after—"

"No, it's not that!" Cat interrupted. Her voice was up an octave. "I'm only sad 'cause _you're_ sad."

"I'm not—"

"Yes you are! I told you the other day: you're scared no one likes you but we all miss you so much!"

"I've been hanging out with you guys," Jade defended, crossing her arms. They can't miss her if she's with them 24/7.

"But not _really_. You're not _there_."

"I went to Tori's on Wednesday!"

"Yeah, but…I don't know. You're not _right_," Cat shrugged. "And we all want to make you better."

Jade had more fun with Cat than she'd expected once she'd escaped from the black hole that was the conversation about her relationship. Her car keys had appeared back on the hook by Monday morning; Richard and Celia returned home after Jade had gone to sleep on Sunday. Richard was, understandably, avoiding her by returning to the office instead of working from home. She'd have to buck up and start harassing him for the money. Jade knew she would much rather _not_ tell Celia about Richard's affair. She wasn't sure she could live through another divorce, despite her lack of investment in this particular relationship. There was no way it _wouldn't_ be messy. Jade had witnessed enough messy breakups for a lifetime, (ninety percent of them being hers). But the quarter ended in two weeks — if Jade didn't get the money in, she wouldn't be able to return.

Jade stuck with Cat on Monday. The redhead seemed to be the only thing that could distract Jade from the looming deadline of tuition payments. But another possible distraction appeared in the form of an announcement from Sikowitz.

"Good evening children!" Sikowitz greeted just before lunch. "As we all know, the end of the quarter is approaching"— Jade pretended not to feel ten pairs of eyes upon her—"so, I have some announcements. Firstly, make sure you've turned in any missing work so you receive full credit for all of your classes, blah blah blah grades blah blah blah college. Secondly, Festus would like to inform you of a menu change at the Grub Truck. I have no idea what it is. Thirdlyyyyy…I would like to announce that _I_ am in charge of planning this quarter's Full Moon Jam. For anyone who would like to sign up, there are two sign-up sheets on the window over there. One is for original songs, the other for covers."

"When is it?" Robbie asked.

"When is what?" Sikowitz raised his eyebrows.

"…the Full Moon Jam…." Andre narrowed his eyes.

"Oh! It is a week from this Friday. And _this_ Friday, as you know, my play, _Virtually Nonexistent_, starring Tori, is at seven o'clock. Be there."

Sikowitz stood from where he had been crouching on the stage and began the lesson. But even as Jade watched Robbie and some blonde girl pretending to be penguins doing yoga, her eyes kept straying to the two pieces of paper taped to the window. There were no names on the list yet, but she knew the slots would fill up fast. She glanced up at Beck as he went on stage as Head Penguin Yogi, then back at the sign-ups.

At the end of the period, there were seven names on the sign-up sheets. Jade's was not one of them.

_Oh, we have paved these streets_

_With moments of defeat._

* * *

**This one was all over the place - sorry. The next chapter is done, but it doesn't have a title, and the one after that is half done...and that's all I have... Not going to lie, I'm a _liiiittle_ behind. And I'm stressed as fuck with real-life stuff. But I'll keep plugging away and see what I can scrounge up for Saturday! Thanks for your kind reviews, they mean a lot.**


	24. SOL

**24\. S.O.L.**

Jade was so preoccupied with her father's response (of lack of one) to her request to pay for school, and with chickening out at the sign-up sheet for the Full Moon Jam, that the week was over before she knew it. On Friday, since she didn't really need to be at Sikowitz's play, Jade was lounging on her bed with a bag of "fun size" candies (which are really only fun when you eat twelve servings). Shiny wrappers were strewn all over the place, blowing on the floor as Jade smirked at the predicaments of half-drowning B-list celebrities on her laptop. She grumbled irritatedly as her phone rang, and hit the spacebar to pause the video. Her nose scrunched up at the caller ID.

"What do you want, Vega?"

"Jade?" The voice on the line didn't sound at all like Tori Vega. It was thick and hoarse, like a pack-a-day smoker underwater. "Jade is that you?"

And maybe a little delirious.

"Of course it's me, you called me."

"Oh…right," there was a horrendous noise that made Jade pull the PearPhone away from her ear. It sounded like an elephant trying to play the trumpet with a didgeridoo band.

"What in God's name was _that_?"

"What? Oh… That was me blowing my nose. Jade, I'm really really sick."

"Okay. What do you want me to do about it?"

"I can't do the show tonight."

Jade frowned, sitting up. More wrappers fell to the floor.

"You're lying," she accused.

"I'm not. I have a stuffy nose and a sore throat and I'm coughing," Tori coughed to prove her point, making a great hacking noise. "And a fever."

"Did Beck put you up to this?"

"What?"

"_Did he_?"

"No, I'm really sick and you're the understudy."

"Prove it."

"P…prove you're the understudy…?"

"No," Jade said condescendingly, "prove you're _sick_."

"Why?"

"Because you were fine in school today."

"My nose was stuffed all day and I barely said a word 'cause my throat was so sore!"

"Exactly. You were perfect!"

Tori let out a low groan of frustration.

"Prove it! Prove you're sick," Jade ordered again.

"I can…" Tori thought for a moment. "I can take my temperature and send you a picture of the thermometer."

"That's not good enough. Even Robbie could fake that."

"Oh. Right." Tori moaned miserably again.

"Get on video chat," Jade commanded.

"What?"

"_Now_." Jade hung up the phone and logged in, waiting for Tori's screen name to appear. She requested a video call the second it did. Jade cringed when she saw Tori's face pop up on her screen. The girl looked wretched. Her face was pale under a sheen of sweat, her eyes were swollen, and her nose was red. Used tissues were scattered around the mountain of pillows supporting her.

"Believe me now?" she asked hoarsely. Jade frowned.

"Yeah, I guess so. Lemme take a screenshot."

"What? No!" Tori covered her face with her hands as Jade leaned forward to her keyboard.

"I have to document this."

"You'll post it on the Slap!"

"I'm just gonna show it to Sikowitz."

"What for?" Tori asked, peeking through her fingers.

"To prove that I didn't do anything to you."

"What do you mean…?" Tori let her hands drop from her face and reached for another Kleenex.

"He'll try and do the part himself again if he thinks I tried to kill you or something, and that'll ruin it for everyone."

"…okay fine," Tori groaned. "Take your screenshot."

"Say, 'I'm miserable!'"

Tori just groaned.

"Perfect!" Jade sent the screenshot to her phone, smirking. Her smirk fell as a though occurred to her, and she looked back at the screen. "Tori, why haven't you been texting Beck?"

"'Cause you're still in love with him, and I don't want to make you more miserable than you already seem to be," Tori shrugged.

Jade narrowed her eyes, squinting at her "frenemy" with suspicion.

"Your call time for the play is five thirty," Tori informed Jade, blowing her nose noisily. "The show starts at seven."

"What?!" Jade checked the clock. "It's already four forty-five! Couldn't you have called me any earlier?"

"I fell asleep! Trina was supposed to wake me up if I slept past three, but she started this new thing where she—"

Jade slammed her laptop shut and jumped in the shower, calculating how much time she'd need. Probably an hour for hair and makeup, plus time to go over all of the blocking and cues. She cursed Sikowitz for never letting her run the show as she scrubbed her hair. So, that's more than two hours of work to fit in to the hour and a half before showtime. Jade jumped in her car, her hair still dripping wet, just as the clock turned to five. She parked haphazardly at the Hollywood Arts parking lot and sprinted into the building, but still didn't sign the check-in sheet until almost five forty.

"Jaaaadey!" Cat exclaimed, clapping her hands together and hopping up and down as Jade entered the dressing room. "Yay! I'm so excited you're here!"

Beck was chuckling, watching them in the mirror as he waited for Cat to finish his hair and makeup. He was half in costume, wearing a white dress shirt with an untied necktie and an unbuttoned vest. Jade just sighed her hellos wearily, grabbing a towel and rubbing it on her head.

"Jadey, aren't you so excited? You're gonna be in the show!"

"Yeah, I kn—" Jade was interrupted by the sudden arrival of Robbie and Andre, who were already in costume and carrying two large cardboard boxes. Rex was sitting atop the box Robbie carried.

"What's that?" Beck asked.

"Programs," Robbie wheezed, out of breath.

"You _just_ printed the programs?" Jade asked disapprovingly.

"We just _re_printed the programs. They need to have your name on them now."

"Oh," Jade said, her eyebrows raised. "They didn't leave Tori's name?"

"Nope!" Cat answered, giggling. "It's all you now!"

Jade scowled, turning back to the mirror and watching herself brush her hair.

"I feel like this is some sort of apology ploy," Jade declared.

"I thought you'd be happy about this," Robbie said, setting his box on the counter. "I mean, you haven't gotten to play a lead role in awhile. You deserve this."

"Well, thanks," Jade muttered, looking down. "A-and I am happy, it's just…."

"It's not fake," Andre assured her. "I talked to Tori and she sounded _bad_. She couldn't fake a cold that good — or, _bad_, as it were…"

"And here I was thinking you were Vega's friend."

"What? I am."

"You just called her a bad actress."

"No, I didn't," Andre said. "I just—"

"Is this how you talk about _me_ behind my back?" Jade stood, her voice rising defensively. She turned her sharp eyes to Beck. "I know _you_ do."

"What?" Beck tried to lean forward and speak to his ex-girlfriend, but Cat pulled him back by his hair. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know what I'm talking about," Jade snarled.

"I wasn't saying anything bad about Tori! It's hard to fake a cold, _I_ couldn't do it," Andre held his hands up submissively. "And you didn't even like her!"

"No, I don't! But I'm not going to sit around and listen to you—"

"One hour 'til places," Sinjin interrupted, poking his head into the dressing room. "Oh, hey Jade."

"_Out_!" Jade pointed to the door. "All of you, _out_!"

Robbie scurried out with his cardboard box and his puppet. Andre followed suit. Beck was held into his chair by Cat and her can of hairspray. Jade slumped back into her own seat with a sigh.

"Um…" Beck began.

"Don't," Jade cut him off. "I'm not in the mood to be scolded."

"I wasn't—" He was cut off again by a cloud of hairspray erupting around his head. He gagged as some of the sweet-smelling aerosol got on his tongue. "Cat! Warn me next time."

"Kay kay!"

"Thanks," he said, looking back to to the dark-haired girl brooding beside him. "Jade, I wasn't going to scold you, I was just gonna say—"

"Warning!"

Beck shut his eyes and mouth immediately as another puff of hairspray encircled him.

"Done!" Cat squeaked happily.

"Thank you, Cat."

"Sure thing! Jadey, you're next."

Jade couldn't see how that could _not_ sound threatening. She adjusted her position in her chair, crossing her legs and fluffing out her damp hair. Cat moved the myriad of products and tools that she used to torture people into beauty down the counter until it was all in front of Jade. Then Cat looked at her best friend thoughtfully, her lips pursed.

"I need my hair dryer," she decided, skipping out of the dressing room. Jade sighed again, uncrossing her legs and recrossing them as Cat's footsteps faded away.

"I'm going to try one more time to get this sentence out of my mouth without being interrupted by some sort of poisonous fumes," Beck said, leaning toward the mirror and beginning to tie his tie. "I wasn't trying to scold you, I was just going to say that I'm glad you and Tori are becoming friends."

"We're not," Jade argued.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"That's what I said," Beck confirmed with a chuckle.

"Well…don't."

"Okay — I mean…okie dokie?"

Jade rolled her eyes, trying not to grin.

"I'm back and I have my hair dryer!" Cat declared, marching into the room, ready for business. Five minutes later, Jade's hair was dry and Cat was curling it with precision.

"Why are you even still here?" Jade grumbled after Beck laughed when she got hairspray in her mouth.

"You think I'd rather be out there folding programs?" he asked.

"I guess not," she shrugged.

"Hey, do you want to run lines?"

Jade nodded, biting her lip as the pre-show butterflies suddenly took flight in her stomach. They were customary, but still unsettling.

"Where's your script?"

Jade tried to get up, but after a squealed protest from Cat ("_You'll ruin your hair_!") she simply sighed and pointed to the bag she'd dumped beneath the counter. Beck unzipped it and started rifling through the contents in search of the paper booklet of the play.

"Don't rummage through my bag!" Jade protested.

"I'm not rummaging!"

"You're rummaging! You're touching all of my stuff!"

"Well I have to find the script! What don't you want me to touch? Are you keeping bombs in here?"

"If I am is this how you really want to find out?"

"Yes, actually."

"…I'm not."

"I know. I can't find the script!"

"Let me look." Jade started to lift herself out of the chair but Cat shrieked again and she sat back down with a growl. She gestured to Beck. "Bring it here."

Jade retrieved the script within seconds and handed it to her ex-boyfriend with a smug look in her eyes.

"I was so worried about the possibility of finding C4—"

"Oh, don't give me excuses, it was sitting right on top."

_Run, neon tiger, there's a price on your head_

_They'll hunt you down and gut you, _

_I'll never let them touch you._

* * *

**Thank you so much for your reviews! I do have some bad news though. Not terribly drastic, but I can't keep up with this publishing schedule right now. I have a shit ton of events and projects to do for the end of the school year, so I am only going to be posting once every other week. I will post next week on/around the 5th, and then the 19th and the 2nd. I'm really stressed right now and I don't have a lot of time to write, but I know exactly where this story is going, and I promise I will finish it. I have some written beyond this chapter, but I thought I'd take a break with a little cliffhanger so you'll be interested in what happens with Jade onstage :) Thank you so much for your support of my writing. Some of you have called this your favorite story, and that means a lot for a stressed-out teenager. So thanks.**


	25. Taking Some Control

**25\. Taking Some Control.**

The butterflies in Jade's stomach multiplied by a hundred throughout the time she ran lines with Beck in the dressing room. The curlier her hair got, the more violently the butterflies started flapping their wings. As Cat skipped off to get her sewing kit (Tori's costume would need some last-minute alterations), Jade started taking deep breaths, trying to quell her panic.

"You nervous?" Beck asked with a half smile.

"No!" Jade said immediately. But the universe apparently didn't want her to keep that secret — Sinjin appeared in the doorway suddenly.

"House is open," he announced.

"_What_?!" Jade shrieked. "B-b-but we haven't had a chance to go over the blocking!"

"Um…" the curly-haired stage manager wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Close the house!"

"I can't! People are already sitting!"

Sinjin fled the room and Jade buried her face in her hands, growling in frustration. _Couldn't something go right for once?_

"You have the blocking written down," Beck reminded her, holding out her script.

"Yeah, but I never got to run it!"

"You have the lines down pat, so just improvise the blocking you don't remember."

Jade looked up at him, her eyes squinted with skepticism.

"I'm serious. We'll react to whatever you do, and you're the star, so…."

"'So' what?"

"So you're most important."

Jade did her best to hide the warm satisfaction that sentence gave her. Cat skipped back in and began shooing Beck out of the dressing room so Jade could change.

"You ready Jadey?" Cat asked as Jade collected her costume.

"Not even a little," Jade admitted. "Well, maybe a _little_. But just a little."

"Okay. I wish you were a lot ready, but a little ready is better than none at all."

"Right."

After changing, Jade stood in the darkness of the wings, twisting the lense-less glasses in her fingers as she listened to the murmuring chatter of the audience. They all tried to tell Sikowitz how stupid it was for the hacker character to have glasses — how much more cliche could you get? But he insisted. Self-consciously, Jade adjusted the clothes that were meant for Tori. She couldn't help but notice how small they were on her. How ridiculous was she going to look onstage? Between the glasses and the curly hair and the ill-fitting clothes, she must look like a female version of Sinjin.

"Hey," a voice whispered as a hand slid onto her shoulder.

"Jesus," Jade exclaimed, jumping. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Sorry," Beck apologized with a grin. "How ya doing?"

"I'm about to play the lead in a show I've never done before. I don't think a more classic nightmare exists."

"Probably not. But you were once the self-proclaimed "Queen of Nightmares," if I recall."

"In eighth grade," Jade rolled her eyes. Laughter resounded from a group in the audience, making her jump again.

"You know you're just psyching yourself out, standing here."

"I know," she shrugged.

"So… How about instead you come psych yourself _up_ with the rest of us?"

Jade paused for a moment, peering out at the seats filling in the house, then led the way out of the wings.

"Found her!" Beck announced when the two of them entered the green room. The rest of the cast and crew were standing around. Sikowitz was sipping two coconuts, comparing their flavors as he sat cross-legged on a desk.

"Excellent," the teacher declared. He stood, depositing his coconuts into the unsuspecting hands of a freshman standing beside him. "Circle up, everyone, circle up."

The students made a large circle that filled the entire room.

"Now," Sikowitz began, "I know we all wish Tori could have been here for this show, but I know Jade will do her best in filling Tori's shoes."

Jade snarled, nearly stepping forward to get at the crazy man in the patchwork pants when Beck grabbed her hand. She looked at the boy to her left, shocked. Beck nodded his head around the room and she saw that everyone around the circle was joining hands. Jade blinked, equal parts relieved and inexplicably disappointed, and grabbed Cat's hand with her right. Everyone bowed their heads and closed their eyes, sending "energy" around the circle with a hand squeeze — a usual pre-show jitter-calmer.

"Alrighty then," Sikowitz said. "_Places_!"

"Thank you places," the students echoed. Jade didn't say anything. She couldn't seem to move as the students left to start the show. Her breathing started quickening, and she suddenly felt a hand squeeze her left. Beck was smiling at her encouragingly.

"Break a leg," he whispered, squeezing her hand again. He left Jade standing with Cat, who was bouncing up and down while gripping Jade's hand and squealing.

"Shut up," Jade demanded.

"Break a leg, Jadey," Cat hugged her best friend.

Jade patted Cat's back awkwardly and went to the stage. She stood in the dark of the wings while Sikowitz introduced the show with a few bad jokes. Her eyes rolled back into her head when he cracked the one about a crocodile wearing a vest ("an _investigator_!"). The lights dimmed and the audience clapped, and Jade took a deep breath before taking her place on stage to begin the show.

* * *

Jade wouldn't have a chance to be astonished until after the final curtain call, but the play was going _well_. The lines flowed out of her mouth as if they were her own words, and the others on stage were not fellow students — they were the characters they had been assigned. But, as it seemed to always happen with Jade, the good fortune didn't last. She stepped with confidence back on stage for one of the final scenes, where she was meant to confront her corrupt employer (played by Beck) about a missing million dollars. Jade — or rather, her character entered the door of the onstage office. Jade — _not_ her character— was alarmed to find the office empty. She could see into the wings and no one was there. Her stomach dropped. Beck had missed his cue. Trying her hardest not to panic, Jade wandered the office as her character would, shuffling through the papers that littered the desk. Though they were really old assignments and posters from around the school, she pocketed a few as "evidence." She heard a whisper in the audience and, though she couldn't hear what was said, it kickstarted her panic again.

It took two more minutes for the door to the office to open. Though her character looked up in panic, Jade was filled with relief. But as once the scene was over, and Jade's character fled the office, the relief was replaced with rage. When Beck joined her backstage, she shoved him in the chest.

"_What_ the hell was that?" she whisper-shouted, so as not to interrupt the "police officers" onstage.

"I'm sorry," he whispered back.

"What were you _doing_?"

"Um…yelling at Sikowitz."

"…what?" Jade was taken aback. She blinked, looking up at Beck in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because," Beck ran a hand through his hair, "he's been such an asshole to you lately, and he made another little comment, and I just…sort of…lost it."

"…_and_?"

"And…I think you should talk to him."

"I should talk to him," Jade repeated.

"Yes."

"Why?" she crossed her arms.

"Just do it. Please. After the show."

"Fine," Jade agreed. "But I'm only agreeing with you because I have to go back on stage."

"I can live with that," Beck chuckled. Then, they went back on stage to finish living other people's lives. Jade couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face as the audience jumped to their feet for her bow. She could see her cast mates applauding on either side of her, a certain artificial redhead jumping up and down beside Sinjin in the wings. Still grinning like the damn Cheshire Cat, Jade allowed herself to be absorbed into the group hug backstage.

"Where's Sikowitz?" Jade quietly asked Beck once she'd been released from the crowd.

"Went back to his classroom," Beck informed her. "Hey, congrats on tonight. You did amazing. Not that anyone expected anything different."

"Thanks," Jade smiled — a real genuine smile that she couldn't seem to prevent. "See you later."

"Good luck."

Jade nodded, then made her way to the Improv room. She knocked on the open door as she poked her head in.

"Sikowitz?"

"Yes?" Sikowitz looked up from where he was inspecting a pile of coconuts on the floor and sorting them into three piles.

"Um… So, Beck talked to you?"

"Yes he did," Sikowitz put one coconut into the left pile.

"And…what did he say?"

"He told me I had been a quote, unquote 'psychotic idiot' and that I should shove my coconuts — well, I didn't let him finish that sentence."

Jade just raised her eyebrows.

"So, of course, I asked him why he thought I deserved those particular insults. And he said…you."

"Me?"

"Yes. Well, actually he said _Jade_. But same difference. He was upset over my treatment of you — thought I was being too hard on you and breaking you down when you needed it least."

"He's not wrong," Jade muttered.

"No, he's not. But most directors in Hollywood won't see it that way."

"What?"

"That's what I was being. A Hollywood director."

"I don't understand," Jade's brow furrowed.

"I was treating you the way a director might treat you when you audition as a professional."

"Um…okay. _Why_?"

"Because I believe in you."

"You have a great way of showing it," Jade grumbled, but she felt a flutter in her chest.

"The last few weeks may have been difficult, but look what you've accomplished. You just completed a stellar performance with a director who treated you like a rotten papaya. We all know you're strong and talented, but now you've _proven _it. You just secured your success."

"I…well…thanks? I guess?"

"You are very welcome," Sikowitz smiled warmly, tossing a coconut from one hand to the other.

_And this chaos, it defies imagination._

* * *

**Wow, I'm back. Sorry this chapter was kind of all over the place, but at least now you can stop hating Sikowitz. He was just being a nutcase. Anyway, sorry for my absence. I can't confirm when my next update will be, but I can guarantee it will happen. There's still a few more twists in this story ;) Thank you so much for your reviews. Now I just have to get writing... Ooh, also, this song is "Panic Station" by Muse. Ch 24 was "Neon Tiger" by the Killers, 23 was "These Streets" by Bastille, and 22/21 were "Can't Pin Me Down" and "Savages" both by Marina and the Diamonds. I'll fill in a few more next update. Thanks again.**

**Edit: Okay seriously I thought I posted this two weeks ago but apparently I didn't, so I'm doubly sorry. But now I'm ahead in my writing! Sorry again.**


	26. My Wildest Dreams

**26\. My Wildest Dreams.**

Jade returned to the celebrating cast with an extra spring in her step.

"Well?" Beck asked with a grin.

"That man _is_ a psychotic idiot."

"Yep."

"But I guess that's the best possible outcome of this."

"Yep."

They both started giggling like schoolchildren. They were interrupted by Cat approaching them.

"Jadey!" Cat shrieked with joy. "Jadey you did _so good_!"

"Thank you Cat," Jade responded as the redhead attacked her with a hug.

After congratulating and hugging Beck as well, Cat held out the red PearPhone to Jade, who rolled her eyes.

"Your phone made a noise earlier," Cat informed her seriously. "It was a _swoosh_."

"It was a what?" Beck asked, eyes narrowed in confusion.

"A _swoosh_," Jade translated as if it was obvious. There was a mirthful glint in her eyes. Still smiling, she clicked on the device to see the notification of a new email as Cat skipped away to congratulate the rest of the cast. Jade didn't think much of it as she swiped to open the message. Then she saw the sender: _Hollywood Arts Department of Financial Services_. With a raised eyebrow, she tapped it open.

_Dear Jade West,_

_ We have received your tuition payment for the year in full. All balances have been paid._

She didn't need to read anymore. Jade simply stared at her phone, eyes wide, as Beck realized she wasn't listening to a word he was saying about Cat-ese.

"What's wrong?" he asked, all trace of a smile disappearing. She simply handed him her phone, blinking as the shock settled in. She watched as Beck scanned the email, his eyes growing as wide as hers before he broke into the biggest grin she'd seen in months. Jade couldn't help but mirror his happiness.

"My blackmail worked," she chuckled in disbelief.

"Maybe he's not as insane as we thought," Beck suggested, handing back her phone. "Maybe he had an epiphany and realized just how _freaking_ _talented_ you are."

"No, he's definitely insane," Jade slipped the phone into a pocket of her bag, "just not insane enough to want to go through a second divorce."

"Well, whatever the reason, I'm just glad you're staying. I knew I wasn't gonna be able to pull together enough money to help you out."

"What?" Jade said, but she didn't get an answer — Cat had apparently heard what Beck said, and she suddenly appeared with a squeal only dolphins could hear.

"You're _staying_?!" Cat screamed. Jade nodded, laughing as Cat attacked her with a hug.

"What's goin' on?" Andre asked, followed closely by Robbie.

"Jadey's _staying_!" Cat shrieked again. Apparently unable to contain herself, she dragged the three guys into a surprise group hug. Jade's heart swelled and sank when she felt a familiar arm around her back. She felt the protection that used to comfort her everyday. Just those few short moments with an arm around her back filled Jade with warmth. She felt cold, in more ways than one, when it slid away. It used to be that that warmth was _hers_, that she could reach for it at any time. But it wasn't hers anymore. For months, she thought that was okay. It didn't matter. She could keep herself warm. She could find another heat source.

As she drove herself home, she realized she didn't need to — and she didn't want to. There was no need for her to start a fire outside when there was one steadily burning in the hearth. She was smiling a little when she unlocked the front door.

Richard and Celia were still awake. Jade walked into the living room to find them mid-conversation. Richard's forehead was tense, Celia's makeup was smudged like bruises around her eyes. Yapper was asleep at her owner's feet, apparently unaware of her owner's distress.

"Good evening, Jade," Richard said in a low voice. No one seemed to realize how late past curfew she was.

"Um, hi," Jade's eyes flicked between the two adults. "What's going on?"

"Nothing you need to worry about," her father told her.

"O-okay. Whatever. I um…." Jade faltered.

"Yes?"

"I wanted to thank you."

There was a moment of silence. Jade didn't clarify.

"You're welcome."

Another moment.

"Anything else?" Richard asked.

"No."

"Alright then. Goodnight, Jade."

"'Night."

As Jade left the room, she heard the discussion continue in a pair of subdued voices. She didn't bother to listen. Instead she stood on the tile floor of her shower, cleaning off the makeup and rinsing out the hairspray Cat had so generously applied. Jade slipped a certain red flannel shirt over her tank top and pajama pants before climbing into bed. She knew what she wanted. She knew this time she wasn't going to let it go. But how to say it? Knowing she couldn't look him in the eye and tell him what she needed, she opened her notebook to a fresh sheet. She placed it on her knees, pressing the pen to her lips in thought.

Hesitating only slightly, she pressed the pen to the paper and let her thoughts flow with the ink. She kept nothing in. Jade let the paper know how she really felt — how desperate, how betrayed, how lonesome. How hopeful. She delved into every memory she had of the past years, each one bringing a smile to her mouth or a tear to her eye. She didn't stop. The clock struck one and she didn't stop. Two o'clock and she didn't stop. She simply turned the page and filled the lines with decreasingly intelligent words and scribbles and drawings. She let herself be sincere for the first time in a long time, and when she finally fell asleep at 3:45, she had never felt more free.

* * *

Jade slept until one on Saturday, and no one seemed to care. She woke up with the pen still gripped in her right hand. As she rubbed the cramping from her wrist and fingers she turned to the first page of the crinkled notebook she retrieved from the end of the bed. Stretching to grab her PearBook from the floor, she opened a word processor. Breakfast the last thing from her mind, Jade spent the next few hours deciphering what she had written. Some of it was absolute gibberish. Some of it was so cliche she cringed. But there were words, phrases, paragraphs even, that she thought she would be willing to share.

When Jade had gone through every ink-soaked page in the notebook, she set her laptop aside. Ignoring the empty feeling of hunger in her stomach, she dove toward her closet and dragged out the portable keyboard she'd brought from her mom's house. Though she missed her piano, she plugged in a pair of headphones and started messing around on the sixty keys. Finally she found a chord she liked, though she wished the left hand could be an octave lower. She figured she could work that out when she got to a piano at school. Humming to herself, she played that one chord over and over again until she found the beginning of her melody. Glancing at the words waiting for her on the screen of her computer, she quietly sang the first line.

_I've told a million lies but now I'll tell a single truth_

_There's you in everything I do._

* * *

**Sorry this one is kinda short. I just wanted to get an update out there for you guys. This song is "I Bet My Life" by Imagine Dragons. Ch 20 was "Thousand Mile Race" by A Silent Film. 19 was "The Getaway" by Hilary Duff. 18 was "The Silence" by Bastille. 17 was "Save Me" by Muse, even though I don't really like it. 16 was "What Goes Around" by Justin Timberlake because I love it. 15 was "Empty Handed" by Michelle Branch. 14 was "Heartless" by the Fray, not Kanye West. Okay. There's some more songs for you guys. Again, sorry this chapter is so short, but things seem to be really looking up for Jade. We'll see how long that lasts ;)**


	27. Red Flags

**27\. Red Flags.**

Jade had stayed holed up in her room for the whole weekend, only occasionally emerging for food. By the time Monday rolled around, she had compiled an entire song from the writing in her notebook. She recorded a demo for herself and listened to it thirteen times before deleting it, changing one word in the first verse, and recording again. When she fell asleep on Sunday night, her song stuck in her head — always a good sign.

On Monday morning, with a cup of coffee in one hand and her PearPod in the other,Jade attacked Cat.

"Cat!"

"'Morning Jadey!" Cat waved enthusiastically, despite the fact that Jade was standing two feet away.

"Listen to this," Jade shoved the PearPod and a pair of earbuds at the redhead, then tapped her foot impatiently as Cat closed her eyes and bobbed her head to the music. Finally, after what felt like about four millennia, Cat opened her eyes and handed the PearPod back.

"Is that Ke$ha's new song?"

"I… _What_? No. That's _me_, I wrote it last night."

"Ohh," Cat nodded her head in understanding.

"I don't sound anything like Ke$ha."

"I thought maybe they were just taking her in a new direction."

"Anyway," Jade rolled her eyes. "Did you…you know, did you like it?"

Cat nodded, bouncing slightly on her toes.

"Do you think it's…effective?"

"For what?" the redhead cocked her head until she practically had her ear against her shoulder.

"For—" Jade cut herself off as Tori approached.

"Hey guys!" Tori greeted with a smile. She pulled out her PearPhone. "_Look_ at this thing I found last night on—"

Jade just walked away.

Hollywood Arts may have been short many things — reasonably sane teachers, legitimate sports teams, famous alumni — but backup singers was not one of them. In fact, all Jade had to do was burst into one of the advanced vocals classes later that morning and pick three girls who looked like they might be tolerable (a.k.a. not friends with either Vega sister). Musicians were only slightly more difficult to acquire, since Jade had to search through the entire music department to find the accompanists she needed. But by the lunchtime on Monday her name was on the "original songs" list in Sikowitz's room, and she had recruited an entire band. On top of that, she found a coupon for a free coffee sticking out of someone's bag, got a 100% on a History quiz she didn't study for, and got to terrify some kid who tried to talk to her about something (she didn't even know what) while she was at the vending machine. As she sipped her soda, she couldn't help but smile smugly. For the first time in awhile, she was having a _good day_. Like, she was downright _gleeful_.

But of course nothing like that lasts long for Jade West.

After lunch, she was at her locker searching for that free coffee coupon when someone approached her.

"Hey."

Jade just looked at the guy. She'd never seen him before. He was wearing a pullover hoodie though, so she wanted to hate him. Hoodies needed zippers.

"My name's Gilbert."

* * *

As soon as Jade stalked out of that too-crowded janitor's closet, her anger dissipated. She picked up her bag from where she'd thrown it on the ground, and felt nothing but sheer humiliation. Just what she needed today— a kick in the teeth, from Tori and Andre nonetheless. And _Meredith_. Jade slouched in her seat in the back of her study hall, only looking up when she felt Cat take the desk to her right.

"Hi Jadey!"

"Yeah."

"Oh no," Cat's face fell. "You're sad."

Jade shrugged, sitting up and leaning against the back of the plastic chair. It dug into her spine.

"Aw, tell me what's wr—" Cat was cut off by her own bloodcurdling scream. Her soprano shriek filled the room as she flapped her hands violently at her ear. Then, as if nothing was the matter, she stopped. Smiling absently, Cat leaned on her elbow. "Tell me what's wrong."

Jade (and the rest of the students wandering into the classroom) was staring at Cat in horror.

"What the _fuck_?!"

Cat opened her mouth to respond (quite indignantly, from the look on her face), but Robbie rushed in before she could get the words out.

"_There_ you are! I've been researching butterfly behavior, and I've come to the conclusion that this is not normal."

"That _what_ isn't normal?" Jade interrupted.

"Oh, a baby butterfly fl—" she started screaming again. When she stopped, Robbie responded.

"A baby butterfly flew in her ear," he explained calmly.

"_What_?"

"I said, _a baby butterfl—_"

"I _heard_ you. I meant _how the fuck does that even happen_?"

"Oh, well you see I'm babysitting my sister's butterfly for her, and Cat wanted to say hi, so—"

"I don't _care_ how it happened!"

"Okay," Robbie sat down on the other side of Cat and opened his notebook for class. "So Jade, I hear you're performing a song at the Full Moon Jam this Friday."

Jade's eyes widened. _The song_. She couldn't perform _that_ song _this_ Friday — not after the events of today. She let out a little whimper of frustration as she rubbed her temples.

"Jadey, you never told me what was wrong."

"Oh no, something's wrong?" Robbie and Cat looked at Jade with matching wide eyes.

"No," Jade started throwing everything from her desk back into her bag. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's just peachy."

She turned her shoulders to squeeze past three giggling sophomores to get out of the room. Cat had started screaming again so, thankfully, no one followed. Jade resolved to spend her study hall destroying something from Tori's locker. But as soon as she turned the corner to go down the stairs she saw a certain Canadian that she now despised more than literally anything. She steeled herself for two seconds, put on her BAMF smirk, and stomped down the stairs.

"Jade," Beck approached her with a PearPad in his hands.

"No. Absolutely not."

"I just wanted to—"

"Stop talking to me."

"But—"

"Stop talking to me."

"Sikowitz—"

"Stop talking to me."

"Needs to—"

"Stop talking to me."

Beck stopped for a moment, staring at Jade in exasperation.

"Sikowitz needs to know—"

"St—"

"Oh for God's sake!" Beck interrupted her this time. "Let me finish! Sikowitz needs to know if you're still performing in the Full Moon Jam."

"Why?" Jade was genuinely perplexed. 'Sikowitz' and 'follow-up' weren't exactly two ideas that meshed.

"I don't know," Beck shrugged. "I guess some people've chickened out or whatever."

"So you're asking me if I've _chickened out_?" her voice went into the 'danger' register.

"I'm just doing what Sikowitz asked me to do."

"Well you can tell Sikowitz that I have not _chickened out_ and I _will_ be performing on Friday."

"Okay. Great."

"'Great?'"

Beck just rolled his eyes, making a note on the PearPad.

"Listen, Jade…"

"Stop talking to me."

"Fine."

They split paths, Beck heading up the stairs and Jade continuing on her way toward Tori's nauseating "Make it Shine" locker. She was fiddling with the lock (Vega apparently learned her lesson from the last time Jade poked around in her locker) when she heard a petite "ahem."

"Oh. Hey Vega," Jade smiled mischievously. "Just admiring your locker."

"Yeah. Sure," Tori covered the lock with her hand as she input her combination and opened the star-spangled door. Jade started walking away. "Jade, wait."

Jade pivoted to face Tori with a raised eyebrow.

"Jade, I'm really sorry I paid Gilbert to ask you out."

"Sorry you chose Gilbert, or sorry you did it at all?"

"Um…both."

Jade rolled her eyes.

"Seriously though," Tori pleaded, "can you forgive me?"

"Tori," Jade stepped closer and Tori cringed in apprehension, "Tori do you even realize how humiliating that was?"

"Jade, I'm so sorry."

"'Sorry' doesn't make a difference. If 'sorry' was some sort of magic word that could take us all back in time and actually fix things, then yeah, I'd totally forgive you. But it isn't. 'Sorry' doesn't do shit."

"No, you're—" Tori sighed, "you're right. It doesn't. So what can I do?"

"Jump into an active volcano."

"I…can't do that."

"Get barbecued by a suburban dad."

"…I can't do that either."

"Then there's nothing you can do," Jade shrugged. "So…whatever."

"Hey," Tori brightened up slightly. "Cat and I had plans for a girl's night tonight, but she's having this, like, butterfly thing. So maybe you could come over and we could paint our nails and you could talk about Beck and stuff."

"Why in God's name would I want to do that?" Jade looked revolted.

"Well, maybe if you talk about it — you know, get your feelings out and stuff — maybe that'll help you feel better," Tori suggested innocently with a sympathetic smile.

"I don't _have_ any _feelings_. I'm _fine_. He could get sucked into the _Saw_ universe tomorrow and I wouldn't care. He could _shave his head_ and I wouldn't care. He could—"

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," Tori grinned cheekily while poking Jade in the arm.

"_Me_thinks thou shouldst _fuck off_."

_And another one bites the dust._

_Yeah let's be clear, I'll trust no one._

* * *

**Woah. I published a chapter. Holy shit. Well, I'll start by apologizing for not posting in forever. But, I've graduated now (yay!) and have a stupid amount of free time. So now all I need to write is inspiration. Which has been pretty hard to come by. So any comments/suggestions/questions you have would be helpful. Okay. So this chapter's song is "Elastic Heart" by Sia, whom I love. Chapter 13 was "Buy the Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds. 12 was "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" by the Avett Brothers. 11 was "Speechless" by Lady Gaga. 10 was "The Party" by Regina Spektor. 9 was "No Matter what You're Told" by Broken Bells. 8 was "Rootless" by Marina. 7 was "Why Am I the One?" by fun. 6 was "Highway of Fallen Kings" by Civil Twilight. Okay. Thanks. And sorry. And thanks.**


	28. Who's a Heretic Now?

**28\. Who's a Heretic Now?**

Tori screamed, writhing in agony as her fingers were crushed into the pavement beneath her. Blood poured in wave upon wave as the steamroller progressed up her arm. Bones cracked with sickening _pop_s, her shoulder disconnecting as her collarbone snapped. The screaming was cut off as her ribcage was smashed into the ground, flattening her lungs and soaking her clothes in blood.

"'…there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.'"

Jade was jolted out of her happy reverie by her English teacher quoting a book. She sighed.

"'Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.' So, how does this quote represent…"

Jade slipped into her daydream again.

* * *

"Um, hi."

Jade glared at Beck for a second before turning back to her locker without saying a word. The final bell was about to ring.

"Jade, I—"

"If the next words out of your mouth don't involve offering to allow me to beat you to death with this textbook, I don't want to hear them," Jade held up her biology book to make the point.

"We just…we need to talk about this," Beck insisted hesitantly, shifting the schoolbag on his shoulder.

"Why should we?" she slammed her locker shut, acutely aware of the stares they were attracting.

"Because I…I want us to be…okay."

"You want us to be okay," Jade repeated, looking up at him with her eyebrow raised.

"Yeah," Beck shrugged.

"Beck," Jade picked up her bag and hefted it onto her shoulder, "if you wanted us to be 'okay,' you should've started reevaluating your life choices, like, a _year_ ago."

"I'm going to call you tonight," Beck sighed, apparently deciding to ignore her last comment.

"I'm not going to answer."

"I'm going to keep calling you until you answer because we really need to talk about this."

"Whatever," Jade muttered. She turned her back on him and shoved someone out of her way to get out of the door. She vaguely heard someone shout "ow! Watch where you're— oh, sorry Jade" but she wasn't really paying attention.

* * *

Beck called the first time when she was stuck in traffic on her way home. She let it go to voicemail. Four minutes later, she was still stuck in traffic (apparently some idiot decided it would be fun to drive on the sidewalk and now there were police cars everywhere), and he called again. This time she dug her phone out from the bag on her passenger seat and rejected the call. He only waited two minutes before calling again. She waited only one ring to reject it again.

By the time Jade made it through the gridlock, Beck had called her seven times. He was calling for the tenth time when she turned onto her street, and her rage scream drowned out the eleventh when she saw what was in her driveway. Cars. Like, at least fifteen of them. She had to park nearly a block away from her house. As call number twelve started she debated throwing her PearPhone onto the ground and jumping on it. Instead she rejected the call, put the device on silent, and zipped it into her bag. Then, she slammed her car door as hard as she could and started the hike to the house.

The first thing she heard when she opened her front door was giggling. She wanted to gag. Soft music was playing, and uniformed caterers were hefting platters of hors d'oeuvres. Still gripping the strap of her bag, Jade wandered out to the backyard to find a group of giggling, preening, simpering people in summery clothes with glasses of wine.

"Jade," Celia appeared out of nowhere. "I didn't expect you home so soon."

"Yeah," Jade crossed her arms. "It's really weird when school gets out on time, I should've called ahead with the news."

"I meant," Celia rolled her eyes, sipping her wine, "aren't you rehearsing for something?"

"Your murder," Jade muttered.

"Hm?"

"Nothing."

"Hi Jade!"

"Ugh," Jade groaned. She groaned even louder when she saw who the voice belonged too.

"Celia, how are things going?" Alyssa Vaughn asked, holding a wine glass of water.

"Oh, thank you Alyssa," Celia gushed, "everything's going wonderfully. I'm so glad you could come."

"Oh I wouldn't m—"

"I'm leaving," Jade interrupted, before turning sharply and stalking back into the house. She felt her phone buzzing in her bag.

"Wait, Jade," Alyssa followed her into the house.

"What?" Jade asked stonily.

"Well…how are you?"

"My prospects have gone from Solid Hopeful to Dystopian Novel," Jade turned to face Alyssa. "Since lunch."

"I—" Alyssa paused. "I'm not quite sure I follow. Also I think your phone is buzzing."

Jade shrugged, starting up the staircase toward her room. Alyssa continued to walk behind her.

"Why are you following me?" Jade asked through gritted teeth.

"I want to know what made your life into a dystopia."

"Your little Canadian friend with the hair, and _his_ friend with the cheekbones."

"Beck? And…I don't know who the cheekbones person is."

"Lucky you," Jade dropped her bag once inside her bedroom. She flopped backward onto her bed and covered her eyes with her elbow, sighing.

"What happened?" Alyssa's voice sounded sympathetic from beyond the darkness cast by Jade's arm.

"I made the mistake of believing what someone said to me. And now everything is screwed up and I have to sing on Friday."

"You got tricked into singing?"

"_No_," Jade sighed, annoyed. "Don't be stupid. People don't trick me into doing things."

"Okay, then—"

"I just thought things were different. But they're not. Everything's the same as it was before."

"So your life was a dystopian novel before?"

"Since 'that one fateful day,'" Jade half-joked, sitting up.

Alyssa let the room fall silent, sitting on Jade's desk chair.

"I just—" Jade ran her hands through her hair. "When did I become the two-dimensional antagonist who isn't allowed to have a happy ending?"

"Is that what you are?" Alyssa asked quietly.

"Ever since… It just seems like I can't do anything right. And you know, I wasn't a terrible person until I was compared to… And _now_…."

Her phone buzzed in the silence between Jade's fragmented sentences.

"Do you need to answer that?" Alyssa gestured her head toward the bag by the door.

Jade nodded. She pulled the phone out of her bag and swiped to answer the call as Alyssa waved goodbye.

"Hello?"

"It only took nineteen calls and thirty-eight text messages!"

"I didn't read your messages."

"Most of them just said 'I'm going to try calling you again.'"

"Ah."

There was a short moment of semi-awkwardness.

"I didn't tell Tori to pay someone to ask you out."

"I know."

"She just really wanted me to ask Meredith out and I didn't know what to do."

"I don't know how it is in Canada, but '_no_' is generally one of the first words we learn her in the US."

"I didn't want to be rude, so I tried to think up a good excuse — and really, I'm terrible at thinking on my feet. It's a wonder I ever pass improv classes. I mean, I told her I had a jar of coins I needed to count."

"Brilliant," Jade's mouth quirked into half a smile.

"But I'm taking her to the Full Moon Jam on Friday."

_Brilliant_.

"Is…is that okay with you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Why shouldn't it be? I've told you, like, six billion times: I don't care who you date. You can do whatever you want."

"I-I know, but we'd talked about—"

"It doesn't matter."

"But it _does_, I mean—"

"It doesn't. Have fun on your date."

She hung up.

_I've had enough_

_It's obvious_

_I'm getting tired of crawling all the way._

* * *

**The first paragraph of this chapter is entirely for JandreisPerfection, and the book quotes are from _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen. **

**Oh my god I'm back. I haven't actually been busy, but I totally lost inspiration for a bit. This story is coming to a close soon anyway, probably two more chapters at the most. But anyway, thanks for all of your reviews. It was hilarious and a tiny bit disturbing that more than a couple of you said you would die if I didn't post the next chapter soon. Hope I made it in time. This song is "Which Witch" by Florence + the Machine. Chapter 5 is "This isn't Control" by MS MR. 4 was "There Must Be Some Other Way" by Genesis, 3 was "Trap Doors" by Broken Bells, 2 was "Spaceman" by the Killers, and 1 was "Call Them Brothers" by Regina Spektor &amp; Only Son. Thanks again for reading, I love you guys.**


	29. A Step Out of Sync

**29\. A Step Out Of Sync.**

Beck called her back but she didn't answer. Seconds later he sent a text: _That wasn't a conversation_. Jade shut off her phone and tossed it in her schoolbag. Staring, dead-eyed, at the black bag, she wasn't jolted into awareness until Alyssa came back into the room without knocking.

"How'd your phone call go?" Alyssa asked, doing a poor job of pretending she didn't know what it was about.

"Fantastic," Jade responded. "My life's all butterflies now. Except the butterflies are giant and their wings are made of razors and they thirst for my blood."

"Hm. Well, I snuck up a plate of food for you. I took all the bruschetta that was left."

Jade narrowed her eyes, but took one of the appetizers from the white plate because they actually smelled delicious. She crunched, trying to pretend it didn't taste as good as it did.

"I'm sorry things haven't gone the way you wanted to," Alyssa said. She was once again settled at Jade's desk, picking up a bruschetta for herself. Jade just shrugged. She brushed the crumbs off her hands and grabbed her notebook — the one she'd filled with confessions such a short time ago. She shuffled the pages half-heartedly, looking for something worthwhile.

"I need to write a song," she muttered.

"Oh yeah?" Alyssa spoke around a mouthful. She swallowed and her voice cleared. "A school project?"

"I guess," Jade tilted her head at a particular phrase in her notebook. "It was kind of…voluntary, though."

"What are you writing about?" Alyssa started on another bruschetta, her hand catching the crumbs.

"No one."

"Gotcha," Alyssa smiled sympathetically, but Jade didn't look to see. Instead she kept Jade eyes on a set of sentences in the notebook. She rolled them around in her head, internally messing with melodies and syncopation.

"Are you gonna perform it?" Alyssa interrupted.

"If I ever get around to actually _writing it_," Jade grit her teeth.

"When?"

"Friday."

"Ooh, you've got a deadline then."

"Yeah."

"I'll be quiet then."

"What an idea."

Jade turned to a fresh page and copied down those sentences, leaning against the leg of her bed. She hummed quietly to herself, trying to ignore Alyssa's presence. To her credit, Alyssa did stay quiet, only crunching quietly as she finished off her half of the bruschetta plate. Jade was starting to get into the zone, actually writing an entire stanza, when a tinny ringtone broke the silence.

"Oh, I'm sorry Jade," Alyssa wiped her mouth with her thumb and took her phone from her purse. "Hm. I think maybe I should answer this."

"Whatever."

"Hello?" Alyssa answered her phone, still lounging in Jade's desk chair. Jade glared at nothing, wishing her 'guest' had left the room. "Oh, hey Beck."

Jade looked up. Alyssa made pointed eye contact with her.

"Aw, why aren't you coming to yoga?" Alyssa whined into the phone. "Yoga might actually help you feel better, you know."

Jade glanced back to her notebook.

"So things didn't go how you thought they would with Jade?"

Jade set her notebook aside, turning her body to face the girl at her desk. Alyssa put her finger to her lips and put Beck on speakerphone.

_"…__and then she just hung up on me," _Beck was saying. _"I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to give up on her though… 'Cause, like, when I think about my future, she's still there, you know?"_

"Yeah. So what are you going to do?" Alyssa asked him while widening her eyes at Jade.

_"__Well it's too late to back out on Meredith…."_

"Is it?"

_"__I already told her we'd go to the thing on Friday together, and she keeps sending me song options that she might sing. She wants me to choose one."_

"And?"

_"__And they're literally all horrible." _

Jade and Alyssa both smirked. Beck just sighed on the line.

_"__I don't know," _Beck continued. _"Maybe it'll be good to go out with Meredith. Maybe it'll help me see that I don't need Jade."_

"Maybe," Alyssa said quietly as Jade's smirk fell.

_"__Thanks Alyssa."_ Beck hung up. Alyssa looked to Jade, who was once again slumped against her bed, bending the cover of her notebook.

"Somehow I became a therapist for all my friends," Alyssa explained with an awkward chuckle. Jade didn't acknowledge her. "You know, Jade, going out with Meredith might help him see the exact opposite. He might realize just how much he _does_ need you."

"Maybe he doesn't," Jade shrugged, as if it she didn't care.

"He does."

"It doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter, dammit!" Alyssa suddenly shouted. "Stop _minimizing_ everything!"

Jade raised her eyebrows as her eyes widened, looking up at Alyssa Vaughn like a scolded child.

"I swear, I've known you for a matter of weeks and I want to smack you! I can't even imagine how people who've known you for a long time feel."

"Oh," Jade said quietly, looking at her hands. "Alright, well—"

"Like, you think you're this horrible person that everyone hates and you don't deserve happiness or something. But you know, deep down, that that is absolute bullshit. You're awesome, and we all know it."

Jade blinked.

"_Seriously_. I mean, Beck calls like four times a day to wax poetic about you, even after the breakup."

"I…really?"

Alyssa nodded.

Jade nodded too, thoughtfully, as she uncapped her pen and reopened her notebook.

* * *

Somehow Alyssa became a comforting presence as Jade wrote her song that night. The lyrics were done by the time the party had broken up and Alyssa had swapped the empty bruschetta plate for deviled eggs purloined from the kitchen. Then Jade once again pulled out her keyboard and started plunking the keys until she hit on a chord progression she liked. Alyssa was nodding in agreement, picking up her next snack, as Jade played it over and over.

"Sounds good," Alyssa said, though it sounded more like _"thounth goo" _with all the deviled egg in her mouth.

Jade smiled genuinely, singing the first verse out loud.

"_Damn_," Alyssa sat forward, wiping her hands on a paper napkin. "I did _not_ realize how good of a singer you were. I always thought Beck was sort of exaggerating, but _damn_."

Jade laughed, making a note next to her lyrics.

"So you're singing this on Friday?"

"Mhm."

"While Beck is on his date."

"I see where you're going with this," Jade warned.

"I'm jus' sayin'," Alyssa shrugged.

"Well, don't."

"Okay. Hey can I ask you something that might be kind of offensive?"

"Sure," Jade narrowed her eyes.

"So…" Alyssa spun the desk chair in a circle, "why didn't you start writing this song earlier? I mean, this seems to be cutting it kind of close."

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not good with deadlines."

"Really? You're writing a song three days before you're performing it because you procrastinated?" she was spinning faster in the chair.

"I mean, I had another song but I had to scrap it today."

"Oh, how come?"

"Well, it had nothing to do with someone paying a guy to ask me out so my ex-boyfriend could go on a date, if that's what you're thinking."

"Understood."

_With my eyes on the prize,_

_Not a thing to my name._

* * *

**True friendship is putting someone's ex on speakerphone for them. I'm sooo sorry for my absence, I've been busy with doing nothing and being uninspired and dancing myself to death. This song is "Somebody New" by Joywave, and their new(ish) album is super duper fantastic and I listened to it literally more than ten times while writing this chapter. Anyway, thank you so much for still supporting my story even though I'm waaay off track! You're all awesome.**


	30. Self-Belief

**30\. Self-Belief.**

For the first time in Jade's life, Friday came too quickly. She could have used about eight hundred more rehearsals with the band she had scrambled together, a couple years to polish her lyrics, and another few weeks to pick her outfit. But here she was, sitting backstage before the Full Moon Jam (which was actually happening under a waxing gibbous), shredding the inside of her cheek with her molars. She had already ripped off every hangnail she could find and twisted her ring until her finger hurt. There were voices in the distance, students and friends and families setting themselves up in the audience, laughing and not having heart palpitations. Jade was so focused on _who_ it was having fun out there that she didn't notice Andre until he was waving his hand in her face.

"What?" she snapped.

"There she is," Andre chuckled. He sat down on her left. "You ready?"

"Do I _look_ ready?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

There was a second of silence.

"Today Robbie figured out that Sikowitz's name starts with 'psycho,' and wondered if that's the reason he's so crazy," Andre informed her. "I guess it clicked when Trina called _him_ psycho for getting a butterfly stuck in Cat's ear."

"Well, I guess he's making progress."

There was another silence before they both burst out laughing. Jade had her eyes shut, leaning against Andre's shoulder with her own as she laughed. But her moment of hysterics was cut short as Andre was suddenly gasping, smacking Jade's arm until she saw what he was seeing: Alyssa Vaughn was standing in front of them. She was holding a small potted plant in her hands, which she held out to Jade, who blinked, accepting the plant. There was a folded piece of notebook paper taped to the side.

"What is this?" Jade asked.

"Just a little something," Alyssa shrugged. She squeezed Jade's shoulder, smiled at Andre, and wiggled her fingers goodbye as she walked away. Andre stared after her, his eyes wide. Jade started at the plant.

"I met Alyssa Vaughn!" Andre exclaimed, apparently no longer in his trance. He spread his arms out toward the heavens. "And holy hell, she's even _more_ attractive in real life!"

Jade rolled her eyes, unfolding the note from the terra cotta pot:

_Jade,_

_I would wish you luck, but I know you don't need it._

_Alyssa._

_P.S. It's a jade plant. A JADE plant. Get it?_

She let out another laugh, but this one was bitter. It ended with her biting her lip as she tried to swallow the tears that were suddenly filling her eyes.

"What's wrong?! You were just given a present by Alyssa Vaughn! She gave you a physical pun!"

"Exactly," Jade's voice shook.

"Okay…." Andre didn't understand.

"Beck did something similar," Jade sniffed, her voice thick.

"Okay," he was puzzling it out, "so this is about you missing Beck."

"No!" Jade threw the note. It swayed through the air and floated to the floor. "It's just… I don't give gifts like this, y'know?"

Andre scrunched up his face, confused.

"Like, I wouldn't even have thought of it."

"So… You think because Alyssa and Beck both gave you funny, punny, gifts, they belong together?"

"No, I just mean…maybe it means he doesn't belong with _me_…." Jade sighed. There was a sudden anger in her eyes. "God, I sound like a fucking fairytale! I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm not even a damsel, that's a stupid word. I'm a—"

"Andre?" Sinjin's disconcerting voice interrupted.

"'Sup?"

"We're ready to start."

"Alright, I'll be there in a sec." Andre turned back to Jade. "I don't know what you're singing tonight, but it's going to blow everyone's minds. And I'm not just saying that because Tori roped me into her 'let's fix Beck and Jade' plan that totally bombed."

"Right."

"I'm serious."

"Okay."

"No, really."

"I believe you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Yeah?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, I've gotta go start the show. I'll come back later and see if you've changed your mind." Andre grabbed the mic Sinjin was offering, then went onstage to do his emcee shtick.

There was still something on the chair Andre had occupied: his PearPhone. Jade sighed, figuring she'd have to stay put and guard it until the first act was on stage. She was listening to Andre cracking jokes, and the audience eating it up, when a quiet piano riff caught her ear. Andre's phone was glowing beside her. He had a text. Without touching the phone, Jade leaned over as far as she could and tilted her head until she could read the message on the screen. It was from Beck:

_I made a huge mistake._

Jade raised her eyebrows, sitting back up. She tried to figure out what that could be in reference to, but she came up with too many options. She didn't allow herself to hope that it could have something to do with his date with Meredith. Meredith was nice, and obliging, and while Jade hated that, guys seemed not to. It seemed to happen that way a lot with Jade — everyone hating the things she loved, everyone loving the things she loathed.

"So, you feeling ready yet? You're after the next one."

"Right," Jade acknowledged vacantly.

"I take it then that you're _not_ feeling ready." Andre retook his seat beside Jade. "Okay, I have this trick for that."

Jade looked at him dubiously.

"Breathe in," Andre instructed. Jade did so. "Now breathe out."

She harshly let out the air from her lungs.

"Good," Andre chuckled, checking his phone. He sent a quick text before locking the screen and slipping the phone into his pocket. "Now do it again."

Jade inhaled, exhaled.

"Again."

She breathed again.

"Keep going." Andre pulled out his phone as the piano riff sounded again. As he answered whatever text was sent (which was making Jade unbearably curious), Jade did her best to keep breathing steadily. She was just starting to feel relaxed and centered when Andre sighed at his phone.

"What?" she asked, her voice a little higher pitched than it should have been. So much for faking indifference.

"Nothing, just… Are you still doing that trick I taught you?"

"…you mean…breathing?"

"That's exactly what I mean. Keep doing that."

Jade closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose.

"Okay," Andre said quietly, "now listen to me. You have nothing to be worried about when you go out on that stage. You know how talented you are, and you need to just let that shine when you're out there."

"Did you just tell me to 'make it shine?'"

"…not on purpose. Keep breathing. Now, the audience is full of people who are going to be cheering you on—"

Jade opened her eyes. "Exactly how many people are out there?"

"I dunno. Eighty, ninety. Not the point. The point is, you are guaranteed cheering and applause no matter what happens."

"Yeah, from who?"

"My grandma's out there," Andre shrugged. "She's not stupid, she'll cheer. I'm here, I'll be cheering. Tori cheers for everyone. That's three. Cat and Robbie will, if they're not screaming about the baby butterfly."

"So I'll just get polite applause from the remaining eighty five people?"

"No. I was just counting off _guaranteed_ applause. You're going to win over everyone else too."

"Yeah, 'cause they're scared of me."

"No, because they _respect_ you and your talent. Now, like I said, I haven't heard the song you're going to sing tonight, but I know that it will be amazing because _you're_ amazing. Got it?"

Jade nodded.

"I know there's one more person that you want cheering for you, and…"

"And?"

"And he will."

Applause and raucous cheers sounded.

"Alright, I'm going to introduce the next one. Then you."

Jade nodded, trying to keep up with her steady breathing. On a whim, she pulled out her phone to check her text messages. There were four.

Tori Vega: _Good luck tonight! You'll do awesome!_

Alyssa Vaughn: _Don't be surprised if I show up before your show to give you a present! :-)_

Dad: _I understand that you are performing tonight and was told to wish you luck. Good luck._

Beck Oliver: _Break a leg tonight. I can't wait to hear what you've written. And I want to talk to you after._

Jade read each one over and over again, until Sinjin was suddenly beckoning her into the wings of the stage and she heard Andre say her name. Jade lifted her chin, threw back her shoulders, and strode to the microphone that was waiting for her on stage.

_You keep _**_Picking at the Scab_**

_and I keep selling the plaster._

_You keep telling me that I'm bad,_

_but I keep on getting better faster._

**The End**

* * *

**Oh my God. I'm so sorry I haven't posted - I meant to have this up weeks ago, but...I spilled water on my laptop...But I saved everything from my hard drive! Yay! Anyway, thank you all so so so so so much for reading my writing. I don't know if I'll be posting anymore stories. I leave for school on Monday, and I don't know how much time I'll have. But thank you all. Whenever I publish my first novel, you'll know that you were one of my earliest audiences XD. Oh, and this song is "Scab and Plaster" by Marina and the Diamonds, which inspired this story. So long everyone, I'll be around :)**


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